Regis Cebu Leadership - Leader Leonard Castañeda –Final Integrative Paper

Prof.,

Once again, let me thank you for the whole learning experience. Mabuhay kayo! Magis!  <well done, well thought of and researched.   Mana sa Nanay.  Tunay na scholar.  Saludo ako sa iyo.  Keep this up>

FINAL INTEGRATIVE PAPER

I.                    WHERE AM I NOW?

There are many ways to answer this, but all require a long, hard look at yourself, and as many people will attest, self-assessment can be difficult, and at times, painful. I just turned 41, meaning that based on the average lifespan of the Filipino male, adjusted for sedentary living and vices, more than half of my life is over. Going through several reflection papers, and collecting pictures for the AVP has made me realize and recall lot of things: decisions that were made, for good and for ill, memories that brought joy and pain, and past experiences that have shaped us, whether with our conscious effort and desire, or with influences that have led us without us being conscious about it. When I recall what my childhood dreams and ambitions were, I cannot help but shake my head with regret over how far from the mark my life has become. The truism that "failing to plan is planning to fail" is like an accusing refrain that plays in my mind even as I write these. To answer where I am, I will begin by taking into account who I am first.

From the enneagram

The enneagram test revealed that I had a 3x4 personality, that is, a combination between an achiever (type 3) and a designer/individualist (type 4).

Type 3's are described as  people who: "need to be validated in order to feel worthy; they pursue success and want to be admired. They are frequently hard working, competitive and are highly focused in the pursuit of their goals."

Indeed, many instances in my past have shown that when motivated enough, I manifest a competitive streak that pushes me to excel: this is most often shown in tests or competitions. But why is it then, that despite this drive, I have not driven myself hard enough to gain the success that I once craved for? Why have I not achieved they typical hallmarks of a successful person?

A big part of this has to do with the second component of my personality, and as I mentioned in my previous paper, "emotionally complex and highly sensitive. They long to be understood and appreciated for their authentic selves, but easily feel misunderstood and unappreciated... they  are often somewhat moody or temperamental.³"

The negative side of my type 4 personality probably caused me to lose both achievements by not being able to focus on sustaining success. I can be moody and erratic, and probably, my insecurities about being an illegitimate child, about being poor, and the glaring contrast between my lack and the relative abundance of my half-sisters, contributed much to this. There seems to be a constant tug of war between the two, and much to my regret, I realize that I could have sought to be understood and appreciated by others based on my accomplishments.

The alternate test showed a different result: this time, I was categorized as a probable challenger (type 8). Type 8's are described as: "essentially unwilling to be controlled, either by  others or by their circumstances; they fully intend to be masters of their fate. Eights are  strong willed, decisive, practical, tough minded and energetic. They also tend to be domineering; their unwillingness to be controlled by others frequently manifests in the need to control others instead."

Bringing them all together, I observed that the following phrase could sort of sum up how I saw myself: "I know what I am doing (type 3), and I need you to understand this (type 4). So now, knowing that, you can either follow my lead, or leave me alone (type 8)."

From examining internal and external factors

My life story validates much of what the enneagram revealed: from being raised by my grandparents to excel, to having my first taste of success and failure, and going through different experiences, I have become what I am now. External factors, such as environment, experiences, people and challenges I have met, learning experiences, both formal and non-formal, played a role in shaping who I am right now, but internal factors, mainly based on personal strengths and weaknesses, have also been involved. I identified the following strengths and weaknesses:

STRENGTHS	WEAKNESSES
Intelligent	Short-tempered
Creative	Tend to procrastinate
Expressive and articulate	Easily distracted
Competitive	Low EQ
Analytical	Can be emotional
Innovative	Tactless

As I noted in another earlier paper, the journey of reflection is a journey into one's inner being, and to steel oneself for what one might face. How many knights in shining armor have ventured into the dragon's lair only to find himself not as the hero of contemporary fantasy lore, but a thief and a murderer who seeks only to rob the lair, enslave the serpent, and kill her offspring? We need a paradigm shift to view the story from the viewpoint of the other side. That is why in my reflection on my strengths and weaknesses, I have often found that at times, the source of what seemed to be my greatest strength was also the womb that birthed my weakness. Realizing this, I now seek for balance. I may not have been a hero in my own eyes, but to the eyes of my children, I am their hero, their strength, their protector. I may still play to win, but now, I value the win-win proposition: how can I win in a way so that all may benefit?

From my genogram

This was probably one of the most frustrating assignments in this class, since I was fundamentally incapable of producing fully half of the genogram. My father's side is like a chasm to me, dark and unfathomable, with only bare glimpses of distant lights. Having no one to ask was an insurmountable challenge, and even attempts to find online our family tree was met with equal frustration. Nonetheless, seeing how little the direct influence my father has been to me, I recognized two things: one, that my conscious family influences all came from my mother's side, including a commitment principled, ethical public service, and a drive to achieve something worthwhile. Nonetheless, I realized that I too have been influenced by my father indirectly! These came from stories I have heard about him from my mother, and while she was frank and honest, I now realize that she took efforts not to vilify my absent parent. Unfortunately, since she was the only one available, my negative reactions were a response to what I considered to be her shortcomings, not realizing how doubly difficult it was for a parent to try to rear a child alone while also working to make a living. My father also had stories he shared with me during those monthly meetings we had when I was in college, and in many ways, I secretly admired him and looked up to him for everything he has accomplished. I never admitted them to him, of course, and I always had that unfair comparison between my parents. For a long time, I was not willing to accept what I considered to be my mother's failures, and that continues to strain our relationship. Like my father, there were things about her I was also proud of, but I didn't admit them to her either. Now, as a parent myself, I have realized how valuable for them that affirmation from their child might have been.

From J Campbell's hero's journey

While we are all the respective protagonists of our stories, I never truly embraced the idea of being a hero, even to myself. That is why I often identified with the villains of fantasy and science fiction: Darth Vader, Saruman, Dracula, Doctor Doom, Megatron, Voldemort, etc. were more appealing to me than the heroes. Everybody knew the hero would eventually win, but it was a source of frustration for me to see why the villain, armed with an evil genius, overwhelming resources, and an army of minions could be defeated by a ragtag bunch of do-gooders. Thedisconnect between fantasy and the painful reality where good gets vanquished or corrupted, or when the hero is revealed to be a manipulative villain in the end, also disturbed me. In real life, good does not always win, so why do we enjoy "fairy tales" so much? Has Snow White and the Prince really lived "happily ever after" or, after five kids,  the princess bloating by forty pounds, and the prince getting tired of working hard to make ends meet, have they divorced?

From the experience of relating my life with the hero's journey, I began to see things in a slightly different light: there is that pattern of challenge, of leaving the comfort zone, of confronting what seemed then to be insurmountable difficulties, of failing, and rising up again, of triumphing, and of growing and learning from the experience, that all of us go through. It was true in my life, although in self-depreciation, I did not give full credit to myself for being the hero of my own story.

In writing about this in our previous exercise, I observed then that:

"There is much that I have learned from all of these experiences, and they have collectively shaped me to be a more resilient person. For my family, I have learned to be strong in the face of adversity and need, or at least come up with a facade of strength as I quietly cry where no one can see me. There are still moments when I feel that I have been thrust once more into the innermost cave to face that faceless nemesis. There are times when I feel that my "resurrection" is more of a reanimation of a dead corpse. Did I indeed take the elixir, but was it in fact a vial of poison?

"These are no doubt signs that the adventure still continues, and time will tell if the hero will finally slay the dragon for good, or if he will succumb to the dragon's whiles."

To this, i must now add: It is different with my children, who see me as their hero, whether I see myself as such or not. There must be, after all, some characteristics about me that they look up to, and wish to emulate. And now, because of these expectations, I must therefore rise to the challenge and be the hero to them, if only to them. The dragon must lose because my children must win.

From my passion

My passion, as opposed to my job or my career, is what I love to do, as opposed to what I am paid to do. Perhaps most flounder in their careers because what they do is not what they truly love, and I have often asked myself about where my passions truly lie. Many times before, I have considered the pastoral vocation, but I have balked at the idea of being somehow held hostage to the people I have committed to serve. Can I truly be faithful, if it requires me to discipline someone who contributes significantly to the church, and by extension, to my source of living? Thankfully, the apostle Paul has set an example of being a "tentmaker," that is, he drew his income from his profession and therefore, while entitled to financial support from the church, chose not to do so. It can also be observed from the New Testament that there was no such thing as a "professional" paid clergy. Rather, elders were appointed from among the congregation, with no mention of remuneration.

In our church, our leadership has followed such a bi-vocational, multiple pastor, setup, in order to avoid such financial entanglements yet do so in a way that being a team, we would be able to support one another, encourage one another, and capitalize from each other's strengths. Because of this, I can now practice my passion without making it the source of my income.

And so, where am I?

I am here (lol). I am indeed here, at one of several crossroads in my life. I have sought to answer this by using four major facets of my life:

IN MY FAMILY AS A DAD	WITH MY WIFE
I have 3 children in my care, all of whom are in school age. I am in a position to influence them by teaching them, both formally and informally, and thereby contributing in shaping their future. This is perhaps the biggest challenge: one that requires long-term, deliberate planning, not only in terms of relating to them but in preparing the needed resources for their dreams to be realized.	Much of who I am right now has been influenced by my wife. Without her selfless support, something I feel guilty about, I could have ended up much worse. Truly, He who finds a [good] wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22) My role as her partner, her husband, is something that fundamentally defines me, and the standard set by Jesus is His own sacrificial love for His church.
IN MY CAREER	AS A CHURCH ELDER
I have been with PhilHealth for 15 years, and my commitment as a leader in this organization continues to be aligned with the corporate mandate to help provide for the health care needs of all Filipinos, particularly the poorest of the poor.  While this may not be my ownly career, I must continue to seek to excel in wherever God has put me for the time being. This involves personal development and advancement in an ethical, service-oriented way.	I have committed myself to serving God through a local church, and more than just formal teaching and preaching, the real challenge for the church leader is to live a life that is both above reproach and one that is worth emulating, because it shows that God is glorified in your life. The real qualifiers for this role are not academic or skill-based, but intensely character-based (in 1 Timothy 3:1-7) and the means to these are not mere self-development but genuine and continuing reliance on God for transformation, maturity and consistency in how one lives.

II.                  QUO VADIS?

Knowing where I am, I am now in a position to chart where I am going. I understand that I no longer have as much time as I did 10-15 years ago, and while no man can turn back time, one must seek to make use of whatever time that remains in order to be productive.

To better understand this, I must therefore plot my goals. I have grouped them according to following general categories:

PERSONAL GOALS	TIMEFRAME (if applicable)
1. To quit smoking	By the end of January 2016
2. To exercise regularly and lose weight	Lose 15 lbs by the end of March 2016
a.) start by walking 5x/week
b.) reduce carbohydrate intake by 50%	Started
c.) reduce coffee drinking by 50%	By the end of January 2016
3.) To finish my MBA	STRAMA within 2016
4.) Begin the Mdiv program in Cebu	By summer or 1st semester 2017
Graduate School of Theology
FAMILY GOALS	TIMEFRAME (if applicable)
1. To have a regular "date night"	Monday nights, beginning
with my wife	January 18, 2016
2. To spend more time with my children	Beginning January 18, 2016
a.) Be home by 7pm at least 3x/week
b.) Go out with the family once a week	Beginning February 2016
c.) Tutor my children at least 3x/week	Started
c.) Tutor my children at least 3x/week	Started
3. To have a family vacation with my	Summer 2017
family abroad
WORK / CAREER GOALS	TIMEFRAME (if applicable)
1. Be promoted to Division Chief IV	Hopefully within 2016, but this is not
	within my control
2. Seal of Excellence for the Office	Within the first quarter of 2016
from the Civil Service Commission
Maintain an "excellent" rating for	Within the second quarter of 2016
the ARTA-RCS
3. Qualify for Star Circle in Pru Life of UK	By the third quarter of 2016
4. To organize a CSR activity for our office	Implemented by Christmas 2016
FINANCIAL GOALS	TIMEFRAME (if applicable)
1. To increase our collective income by	By third quarter 2016, and every 3
at least 25%	quarters after that
Increase case production from variable
income sources
Increase investment income
2. To buy a new car	By October 2016
3. To buy a house	By April 2017

Plotting it out would look like this:

3-YEAR PLAN	2016				2017		2018
PERSONAL GOALS	1Q	2Q	3Q	4Q	1st Sem	2nd Sem	1st Sem	2nd Sem
1. To quit smoking
2. To exercise regularly and lose weight		-10	-10	-10	-10	-10	maintain
a.) start by walking 5x/week
b.) reduce carbohydrate intake by 50%
c.) reduce coffee drinking by 50%
3.) To finish my MBA
4.) Begin the Mdiv program in Cebu							finish by 2019
Graduate School of Theology
FAMILY GOALS	1Q	2Q	3Q	4Q	1st Sem	2nd Sem	1st Sem	2nd Sem
1. To have a regular "date night"
with my wife
2. To spend more time with my children
a.) Be home by 7pm at least 3x/week
b.) Go out with the family once a week
c.) Tutor my children at least 3x/week
c.) Tutor my children at least 3x/week
3. To have a family vacation with my
family abroad
WORK / CAREER GOALS	1Q	2Q	3Q	4Q	1st Sem	2nd Sem	1st Sem	2nd Sem
1. Be promoted to Division Chief IV
2. Seal of Excellence for the Office					maintain		maintain
from the Civil Service Commission
Maintain an "excellent" rating for					maintain		maintain
the ARTA-RCS
3. Qualify for Star Circle in Pru Life of UK						double		MDRT
4. To organize a CSR activity for our office						maintain		maintain
FINANCIAL GOALS	1Q	2Q	3Q	4Q	1st Sem	2nd Sem	1st Sem	2nd Sem
1. To increase our collective income by					+ 25%		+25%
at least 25%
Increase case production from     variable income sources
Increase investment income
2. To buy a new car
3. To buy a house

III.                HOW WILL I GET THERE?

The previous goals have been matched with respective dates indicating when they should be accomplished, or, in the case of continuing objectives, when they should be started. The main challenge, which has always been my hindrance, is my tendency to procrastinate or be distracted from my own self-stated objectives. The fable about the hare and the turtle is a lesson I, and indeed, all of us, can learn from, but in a twist to the story, because time is of the essence, then I must find the speed of the hare and combine it with the persistence of the turtle.

·       Step 1 in almost any book on goal setting begins with the advice to write down and clearly define goals. Perhaps there is some magic in the act of writing down, or more realistically, they help crystallize the goal and therefore make them, to the mind, more achievable. After all, no one would want to engage in an exercise of futility by pursuing the unobtainable. This has been done by accomplishing this Final Integration Paper.

·       Step 2 is to expand the metrics in the goals and make them more measurable. Part of this will also include setting "checkpoints" that not only measure how far or how close I am to my goal, and also, allow me to periodically assess if I am still on track or not, or if some activities need to be adjusted to put me back on track.

·       Step 3, which is essential for people like me who tend to get easily sidetracked or discouraged, is to bring people alongside me to help me stay on track. Since we tend to be more forgiving towards ourselves, these people would help me be accountable to the objectives I have defined, and would call my attention in a firm and supportive manner whenever I lose my way. The two people that first come to my mind are my wife and my best friend. They are close enough to understand and know me, and to be able to tell me what I need to hear, and like most people, I do struggle with the idea of being critiqued.

·       Step 4 is about committing my plans, my goals and my dreams to God. Proverbs 16:3 admonishes us to Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established. This is not simply about praying for success, or, claiming it, as some people arrogantly teach we should do. God is God, and we are not, and we presume too much when we act and behave as though He was a cosmic genie who exists only to meet our whims and keep us happy. Rather, this includes careful examination of each goal, and asking if such a goal honors God, or does it simply please our egos and cause us to feel more accomplished, more successful, and more important than the next person. Am I willing to let go of my goals for God's glory, if He impresses in my heart another goal that may seem like trash to the world? That is one test about taking step 4, and while one must guard his heart from the tendency to be greedy and self-centered, one should also guard his heart from that false sense of spiritual accomplishment that some people equate with unnecessary poverty and want. There is nothing intrinsically good about being dirt poor, after all. We are better off seeking balance, which is best captured in this prayer found in the book of Proverbs:

Two things I ask of you;
    deny them not to me before I die:
 Remove far from me falsehood and lying;
    give me neither poverty nor riches;
    feed me with the food that is needful for me,
 lest I be full and deny you
    and say, "Who is the Lord?"
or lest I be poor and steal
    and profane the name of my God.

PROVERBS 30:7-9

IV.                NOTHING TO FEAR BUT FEAR ITSELF

In a leadership training we had at work last year, we were asked to choose which we feared the most, and I vacillated between the fear of failure and the fear of rejection. Naturally, no one wants either, but at that point, I chose fear of failure. Perhaps that is why many people, myself included, never go full out in pursuit of our dreams, because we fear that when we attempt to soar, our weak wings or the buffeting of the wind will cause us to stall and crash. Yet, even as I put these words into writing, I have realized a few things about our fears:

First, our fear of failure is often worse than the "failure" itself. We imagine worse-case scenarios that rarely happen, and yet, these fears freeze us into inaction, distract us to procrastinate or pursue easier, but less worthwhile, goals, including those we could achieve but do not give us any sense of victory or accomplishment. Truth be told, if we start with a zero and aim for a 10, even if we do not achieve it, a 3 or a 4 is still better than where we started.

Second, is that should we fail, provided we do not die in the process, we still go back to the starting point, giving us another chance to start all over again. We could reassess our methods or strategy. We could weigh our initial goals, to see if we have really propped our ladder against the right wall.

Third, we have all failed at one point or the other. It might be as mundane as falling off a bicycle as a child learning to ride for the first time, or failing a subject in school. Yet here I am, still alive and kicking, a few steps away from my MBA, with wonderful children and a loving wife. It wasn't all failure, and even when it was, it has not truly defeated us, that is, unless we allow it to do so in the battlefield of our minds. Just as diamond is formed by subjecting ordinary carbon to extreme pressure over a long period of time, or as the smelting process purifies gold, we too have been formed by our experiences.

Fourth, following the first three, is the belief that there is no permanent failure: there is only success, and there is the tuition fee. Over the years, I thought that whenever I felt that I have not achieved success, I thought it was game over for me. Indeed, it almost was once, and I still have a wrist scar to prove it. Yet each failure has given me one more lesson on how NOT to do something properly. Two quotes from the inventor Thomas A. Edison come to mind:

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." 

"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."

So the real challenge really has to do with steeling yourself to face your fear, face your dragon, and slay it. Nothing captures this better than something I read from Frank Herbert's fantasy series Dune. It is called the Litany Against Fear:

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

V.                  LEADERSHIP WHEEL

Summarizing what I consider to be essentials into a diagram is quite challenging. I made the following simple illustration, which I will now try to explain:

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1.       THE KNIGHT IN THE CENTER. This was inspired both by the imagery from J Campbell's hero monomyth and from the martial language used by Paul in Ephesians 6 to describe a Christian. After all, what more could capture the image of a leader than a resolute paladin of justice and righteousness, fully armored against every challenge, with a drawn sword ready to demolish every obstacle? His sword could symbolize his commitment to his cause or goals, his helm his vision, his belt, his integrity, his armor, his resoluteness, his gauntlets his skill gained from years of practice and experience, or his boots, his steadfastness. I also deliberately chose a Knight Templar, rather than just any armored person, because of their reputation for unwavering dedication to their cause and their unparalleled courage during the crusades. Unlike other knightly orders under a king, the "Poor Fellow-Soldiers of Christ and of the Temple of Solomon" (the full formal name of their order) were basically warrior monks, whose vows of poverty and chastity symbolized their absolute commitment to their order. Their life was characterized by service, particularly in protecting Christian pilgrims journeying to Jerusalem.

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2.       THE WHEEL. After examining the various lists, qualities and characteristics of leaders in various books, I decided to settle on 6 qualities that I consider to be core qualities. They are:

a.  Vision. If a leader is someone who influences people, then it implies that some goal or objective is in mind. It may not be very vivid or well defined for others, but a good leader has a clear objective in mind. He knows where he is going, and by extension, where he is taking his people. He could be the Moses of his people, leading them out from captivity into the land of promise, or Leonidas, the Spartan king who led his force of 300 hoplites to defy the Persians in the Battle of Thermopylae.

b. Ability. The business of leading is leading, and for that, one must possess competence in whatever field or area he is called to lead. This may vary from field to field, but basic understanding of the contexts in which we lead requires this. This includes both technical skills in a technical field, people skills, which includes the ability to determine the capabilities of your team and the understanding of how these capabilities can be harnessed in pursuit of the goal or mission.

c.  Integrity. The word itself is derived from the Latin integritatem, which basically means wholeness or soundness. In other words, you have your act together. There is a consistency about you, and people can spot if you're the real deal or you're just faking it. A leader who has no integrity cannot inspire others, because they will live with constant doubt on whether they are simply being used to achieve the erstwhile leader's selfish objectives.

d.  Passion and Perseverance. These are two that go together. Without perseverance, passion is simply a one-night stand and a passing fancy. Without passion, perseverance is meaningless plodding of a dumb ox in one direction. You must love what you do, and constantly fall in love with it all over again in order to find the resilience to endure. This is where people find the strength to go on, even in the face of repeated failure.

e.  Relationships. Granted, one can hear the advice that one must learn to lead oneself before he or she leads others, but true leadership does not occur in a vacuum. Neither does it exist on the sheer willpower of one person alone. A leader can only be strengthened by the quality of relationships he or she cultivates. This allows the leader the power of leverage, where one can do more by capitalizing on the strengths of others, and the power of synergy, where the collective effort becomes greater than the sum of its parts.

f.   Constant learning. Life is dynamic, not static, and unless one is continually learning, innovating, and open to change, there will always be the possibility of being left behind in the dust. As such, the great leader must be open to learning more (the cup is always empty), humble enough to admit that despite all prior accomplishments, no one has the monopoly of knowledge, skills or experience.