Reflection Paper 1: Defining Moments by Catherine Villanueva

A Call for Independence and Responsibility

My story may have been heard from one of Charo Santos' Maalala Mo Kaya episodes.  Maybe a cliché story of a teenage girl who fell in love, lost everything she had in her 19 years of life, but have gained more in the process.  Let me take this opportunity to share my story, a chapter in my life that has been my foreground on whoever what I am today and whatever I have achieved so far.  And yes, this may be the hardest time in my life but this had defined me in all aspects.

I was on my 3^rd year at the University, year 2003, in the midst of youth and what I can call now an immature independence that I thought I have. I have enjoyed so much of being young and carefree, fell in love and gave everything to that one person.  And you would know what happened next?  Being so bewildered with young love, I got pregnant at the age of 19. My father got so mad, he kicked me out of the house and disowned me. I forced to live with the boy (the father of my baby) who was working as a fast food crew that time. Had to stop my school and also work in a fast food chain until at my 7^th month pregnancy. The relationship didn't do well, had a lot of fights that oftentimes ends on being hurt physically. It was like an enclosed circle for me that I keep on moving and moving around, that it gets smaller and thicker, making it harder every day to escape from. Until a big fight came, my son just turned one (1), and while holding him, he hit me so hard, my son almost fell from my arms. I was so shaken that I have nothing in my mind except for my son. And I got awakened, found what my center is, and finally broke that circle where I was and got out of it.

Time to get up and stand on my own feet

With the help of my brother, my baby and son was able to live (secretly) in our house here in the city. It was possible then as my father and mother lives in the province, but it can never be known to him because he will have his rant to the rest of my siblings. It was all hard work and sacrifice so I and my son can survive. I worked graveyard shifts as that is the first opportunity that I got so I can support our needs and pay the nanny who takes care of my son while I am at work.  The only thing I can think of then is how to earn money to survive. I was a paycheck casher back then, being a Sales Agent as my first job hardly earning Php10,000 (gross) every month, I excelled in communication and negotiation skills so I can keep my job and get some extra earnings whenever I exceed my sales goals. This is the same for the second company that I joined, didn't care much of career development, promotion or going up to thru the corporate ladder.  The road that I was taking is pretty simple, I need to have a regular pay check as I have no one to depend on but myself. At the end of each day, it would always be my son and how to provide his basic needs as my only priority.

Self-realization: Who am I as a Mother?

With the same mind set, I joined my third company. With a more promising earnings and performance bonuses, I thrived more.  My son, Miguel, growing up, our expenses have gone up as he already gone to school.  My everyday life becomes more of a routine of going in and out of work, without noticing I am starting to fall as I become more easily stressed with work. It was just the right time that I met my mentor and gave me a breaking point with my career. She saw a potential on me, and our everyday breakfast became more of a reflection on who I am and what I can become more. It was then I realized, that unconsciously, I became a programmed being trying to just earn money, and have set aside my character as a person. I can barely find time for my son to play and talk to him as I go home very late, went straight to bed, and waking up that he is already asleep.  I have forgotten myself, and lost my center because all I can think of back then was how to get our bills paid and bring food to our table.  And I realized that I am more pitiful than ever as I am trying to prove that I can do everything on my own without the help of anyone.  I realized then that I was too broken, and I am really trying hard to be a perfect mother I have forgotten who I am.

With the help of my mentor, she convinced me to go back to school and finish my degree. I also started to be re-acquainted with old friends and join co-curricular activities in the office.  My mentor loves to travel and has a lot of activities outside work.  She had influenced me in a lot ways but she had helped me realized what life is and what I can do.  As much as possible, I always bring my son whenever I go, even in the office, especially if my nanny is out. I noticed, that as I do other things, I have become more passionate and efficient on my role within the company, and more opportunities opened for me.  It's also a big help for my son, because he has grown to be very sociable and can deal with other people, may it be young or old as I bring him anywhere I go, especially when I travel.  There's nothing more fulfilling to hear how my son tells his stories to his friends of him going with me in the office, going out with my friends and bringing him to other places. 

Compass of Independence and Responsibility

Currently, I can say that I am having different roles, a mother, student, manager and volunteer.  Aside from working as a full time Finance Manager with my current employer, I am also doing full time as the Director of Sales for Teetalk.PH, a company that I co-founded with my mentor.  And on top of these, I do regular volunteers with animal welfare organizations and non-profit groups, who turned Teetalk.PH clients. With all of these roles, I sometimes get lost and be eaten with all the things I have to accomplished, but at the end of each day, when I go home and see my son, I get back on my feet.   He is my center, where I can find balance when everything seems to be chaotic.  Whenever I start feel like falling or lost with all the roles and things I want to accomplish, I always go back to my center.  He is my ultimate purpose, and he is my compass.  No matter how exhausting the day is, I know that someone is waiting for me at home, to give him my smile, my hugs and kisses.