Regis Cebu Leadership | Leader Melissa Abarrientos | Reflection paper 3 (revised)

Dear

​P​

rof.,

​I am re-sending my RP 3 with my journey's  key moments in discovering my passion. 

Regis Cebu Leadership 

Leader Melissa Abarrientos

Reflection Paper 3 

​

Discovering My Passion

What is my passion? – I remember this question way back after I graduated high school. I was so overwhelmed choosing what course to take for my college degree. Then I thought of taking up Accountancy like my mother. Most of my classmates followed their parent's footprint so I wanted to follow my mother's. When I told her of my decision, she immediately objected and told me to take a course I am good at. She knew I do not love math or anything with numbers. She cited a litany of my attitude, strengths and weaknesses that will precede my success in the course. She knew what and which things will bore me out my enthusiasm; and she concluded that conversation with "take a course that you will love to practice and will perfectly suit your personality and interest so you won't feel like going to school was a task".  She was right. I took up a course that I interested me all throughout and I learned my lessons by heart. My mother was the first to open my awareness about myself and introduced me my first passion: Communicating with people. By studying Psychology my "Inter and intrapersonal relationships were better. 

This passion to connect with people was further enhanced and intensified when I joined the art group. This time, communication was a bit more challenging. In verbal communication, it's easier to communicate and articulate to people what you want to express and say compared to visual presentation and communicate what you want to express and say hoping people will understand what you want to convey to the society. A picture paints a thousand words. (Below was a picture of my artwork way back 11 years ago.)

​​

I engaged myself not only in visual art. I tried to learn the piano, joined a dance group and even joined dance competitions; and I was a very active student leader in the campus where I immersed myself in social awareness and participated in community development as volunteer until I graduated my college, then studied law – and eventually quit. I got tired of studying and I was undergoing a bit of personal crises in my life and I wanted to find more meaning in my life. I wanted to work. I wanted to be self-sufficient. My family wasn't well off although my mother wanted me to reach my dreams and provide me the best education there is but I wanted to be more practical about the situation. So, I left everything and journeyed to Cebu where the path to finding myself  wasn't  an "ALL happy moments and experience". Rather, it was a story composed of tragedy, heartaches, struggles, defining moments, happiness and fulfillment.

Before we were tasked to write the call to arms speech about passion I admit that I am really uncertain to where I am heading. I'm already 32 by age yet I still couldn't see my end. This thought has been my boogeyman for over  a year  when I realized I was already 31. My partner and I even came to the point where he told me that if I really feel empty and unhappy with him and with where I am now and with what I do. He will give me the privilege and he will support  me financially and with whatever I need just  to seek out what  I really want to do with and in my life – try another job, travel  anywhere, hang-out, live like a teen, try having another boyfriend or whatever for 2 years and if I think that I couldn't find more happiness than the happiness he gives me? Then I should come back. A year passed I haven't moved out yet and I had been living everyday with things holding me back to master things until my  first reflection paper in self-awareness.

I couldn't reflect more about myself so I've asked my partner and some people around me to give me their opinion about me and how they see me. I've tried to recall things when I was a kid, teen and when I was younger than now. I tried to recall my dreams my thoughts and what did I hope for before? What made me decide what I decided before. I recalled not only my experiences but also the pain and how it all hurt. The RP1 was a shattering one and made me feel so vulnerable myself but it gave me a clearer view and understanding why I'm here now and what I want. It made me appreciate what I already have and reminded me that what I have now was what I had been hoping for before.

The team building broke my walls and cleared my head. I didn't have to seek out where I should go because I'm already where I wanted to be. I just need to re-discover myself to work on what's holding me back. Perhaps it's true. "People tend to kill the things that they love" –Paolo Coelho.

When I was a kid at the age of 7, I convicted to myself that I'd be a career woman, a business woman. I've envisioned a strong and competent one. I wanted to become a boss. That was all. A childish and selfish dream;  But, as a child I always had a warm and soft heart as my mother said.

Reflecting on the Genogram also gave me the key to understand more about why I'm here. I do remember fully when I was a kid whenever my grandaunts tell me the tragic story of how my grandfather's wealth collapsed. It made me dream more and wish I will become a business woman. It also made me conclude why I do not like gambling and why it has always been very difficult for me to play cards.

Regis Cebu Leadership | Leader Melissa Abarrientos | Reflection paper 3

Dear prof.,

It took me great time to be able to put my passion into words.

Regis Cebu Leadership 

Leader Melissa Abarrientos

Reflection Paper 3 

Discovering My Passion

What is my passion? – I remember this question way back after I graduated high school. I was so overwhelmed choosing what course to take for my college degree. Then I thought of taking up Accountancy like my mother. Most of my classmates followed their parent's footprint so I wanted to follow my mother's. When I told her of my decision, she immediately objected and told me to take a course I am good at. She knew I do not love math or anything with numbers. She cited a litany of my attitude, strengths and weaknesses that will precede my success in the course. She knew what and which things will bore me out my enthusiasm; and she concluded that conversation with "take a course that you  will love to practice and will perfectly suit your personality and interest so you won't feel like going to school was a task".  She was right. I took up a course that I interested me all throughout and I learned my lessons by heart. My mother was the first to open my awareness about myself and introduced me my first passion: Communicating with people. By studying Psychology my "Inter and intra personal relationships were better. 

This passion was further enhanced and intensified when I joined the art group. This time, communication was a bit more challenging. In verbal communication, it's easier to communicate and articulate to people what you want to express and say compared to visual presentation and communicate what you want to express and say hoping people will understand what you want to convey to the society. A picture paints a thousand words. (Below was a picture of my artwork way back 11 years ago.)

Regis Cebu Leadership | Leader Melissa Abarrientos | AVP for Leadership" on YouTube

Good morning Prof Jorge,

I am resending my AVP on you tube. Kindly check the link.

Https://youtu.be/J6d8feE3zeA
Thanks & Best Regards,

MELISSA ABARRIENTOS

Regis Cebu Leadership

Leader Melissa Abarrientos

Genogram

My Genogram

My Father's Parents:

Alfonso Abarrientos Sr. –  He works in the military as far as I can remember. He loved music and he plays the trombone. He had 14 siblings and was the 8^th from the eldest. Their father was a Chinese merchant from macau who married a Filipina and adopted the last name of his Filipino Sponsor inorder for him to expand his business. I was not close to my lolo since he rarely talks as far as I can remember;  But I learned and heard storied from my lolo's 3 sisters who did not get married because their father was so strict.

Licnesa Abarrientos – My lola was a housewife and she keeps a mini sari sari store. Even when she was already very old and up to her last breath she kept her mini sari-sari store which I thought was her happiness. During her youth she wa a beauty queen in their town and was sought after by a lot of suitors. So far that was the only story I heard about my lola.

My Mother's Parents:

Timoteo Baylin – he was a former veteran during the WW2 before he came back in Mindanao and devoted his life farming. I call him Daddy. My Lolo owned almost a few hectares of farm in Bukidnon before he sold it and transferred to another town. My lolo was very hard working, brilliant and a disciplinarian but was very kind. He even adopted a homeless kid who grew up with my mother's family. Although, after my mother's family left the town in Bukidnon and sold the lands; my lolo left him a few hectares to farm and to be able to sustain himself. That kid is now one of the town's millionaires. Going back to my lolo, after selling his farm in Bukidnon he transferred his farm of around 70 hectares to another town. He planted coffee beans, fruits like Citrus, Lanzones and coconut. It was his farming that sent my mother and siblings to Cebu for College. According to story, my lolo once exported his coffee beans to Brazil and his coconut oil to Japan. But that was before his coffee bean was burned by some envious neighbor (so they say). We still have the coconut farm and every year we still harvest the lanzones and sell to another province in Visayas.

Gertrude Refuerzo - My Lola is a mestiza. Her mother was Spanish and his father  was half-spanish and Ilocano. She was born and raised in La Union. She was 16 when she left her home to join my lolo in Mindanao. According to stories and by hearing my Lola's story about her family, her father was a haciendero and her mother was the typical aristocrat Spanish. My mother said, My lola seldom mingles with neighbors during her early days in Mindanao as she told me since she can only speak Spanish and English and Ilocano. She's also very super conservative. I remember she often get surprised by the way I behaved when I was a kid because I was quite boyish and she won't allow me to squat. She was very particular with how a woman should act. Perhaps that was brought about her training while she was a child and coming from a family with Spanish parents.

Regis Cebu Leadership | Leader Melissa Abarrientos | Reflection paper 2

Regis Cebu Leadership

Leader Melissa Abarrientos

Reflection paper 2

1.   External - what are family, environment school and work experience that shaped you today?

SCHOOL

My college days offered me most of the best experiences in my life that shaped me as a person I am today. I studied in Xavier University, an Ateneo school run by Jesuits. During my first year I was already oriented to become a person for others and to give more "magis".  The school's first year formation program offered us opportunities for further self-development and awareness. I joined to become a student volunteer of an organization, KKP-SIP (kristohanong katilingban sa pagpakabana-Social Involvement Program) as early as the second semester as an apprentice volunteer since students are only allowed to become members of an organization on the second year of college. That same semester I was already assigned a task to render tutorial service and guidance counseling to the less fortunate kids at a remote barangay where the Sisters of Mary have put up a learning center.   Every summer I joined in-house trainings for leadership offered by the organization. While, every school year I volunteer and get task assignments to render service to the community outside the school. By whole Summer of 2002, I volunteered to join an  Immersion for Social Awareness and Community Service Development along with the other Ateneo schools in Mindanao; I was sent to a very far and remote town without any food or money just the books and other  materials I need to teach the children from that town. Part of the training was also for us to be resourceful with whatever is available in the place for us to carry out our mission. I needed to live in my foster house and eat what was offered in the table – if there was any food to eat. There were times there were really no food and as much as I would want to give them food? There was none that I can give for we were not allowed to bring any; not even a single can good or cookies and not even a single centavo. There was also no turning back after we were delivered to our corresponding area. I slept without pillows and blanket and I cannot take a bath because the water source was very far. I lived the life of my foster family for a month that the city became so strange after I got back. The whole experience did not only changed my point of view but it made a big impact on how I went on with my life afterwards. It was a rare experience that prepared me for my own battle the coming years.

When I was on my second year in college, I also joined the campus' Art Organization where I became very active and became a president of the same on my fourth year. Since I was an active member of the Social involvement program of the Campus, I enticed my co-members that we communicate social awareness to the community through Art media. We have held several exhibits with social awareness themes and self-awareness. We provided free basic art lessons to the street kids and other else. Our Team was solid and bonded with the same purpose and vision. They were my family in school. They were the closest to my heart.

Our organization became very famous and admired by other organizations and they loved our Art exhibits. Our organization was also supported by a great mentor who curated the school's museum; who went beyond the school's wall and provided us exposures to meet and get free training sessions with professional artists and even introduced us to the NCCA where we've met and had time to get to know great and (some) national artists. Our mentor also advocated social awareness so we had outside school activities. Before I graduated, I received a service award for valuable performance and service as President of Campus Organization for SY 2003-2004.

FAMILY

So much with the positive experiences, I also had struggles on the other side of the coin. At home, I don't have a perfect family (Anyway, I also haven't met one with a perfect one).  I've always been my mother's favorite target. She nags and scolds me every day even for little reasons and even when she's upset about my brother. She blows all her stress on me to the point where I wondered if she even likes me? It always hurt me but I never allowed myself any chance to get swayed by my emotions and think that she doesn't love me despite the evident favoritism and patience she has for my brother. I wasn't hallucinating about this fact since everybody noticed. I just kept on trying to please her.  Sometimes I earn money from my projects like when I paint for someone or just plainly earn from a contractual job and I give all of  those earnings to her so I can help her with the household expenses; Despite this,  I wasn't sure if she was able to appreciate it. I constantly justified to myself that she was just so stressed out. Otherwise, she won't send me to prestigious schools. The only thing I had in mind was I'll never gave up hope that someday she will realize that she was lucky to have me.

At that time our family was in chaos too. My parents were in Great War and struggle, by which issues I'd like to keep private as a respect to their relationship's privacy. I won't deny that it affected me in great lengths that I decided to stop studying law and decided to move out. That was also the time, my mother cried and told me she will miss me so much since I was her shoulder; And there's no one she can turn to listen to her pain. I told her she doesn't have to worry because she can call me over the phone.

WORK

After I left home and ventured in Cebu, I worked in a call center for several years. I was an agent at first until I made my way to become a part of the HR department as an Employee Relations Specialist. I've worked with Lexmark international for at least 4 years; and professionally I've grown a lot and had been lucky enough to avail of their professional trainings.  For several years I can only say I only had 2 friends. The rest were acquaintance. I changed career when a close friend asked me to manage his business. I started working while my small office was under construction. I brought my own laptop and printer. There was no system. No standard process; I struggled to learn things I never dreamed of learning – welding, mechanical issues etc... My training wasn't easy apart from staying under the sun for most of the day; working with men who weren't able go to college, some not even high school nor elementary. Communication wasn't easy. It was quite difficult to get through them. They come from diverse background, different levels of education, different characters and a lot of them have an attitude. So I bonded with them and made sure I was approachable. I shadowed while they're working and asked them to help me understand their job. I tried to understand each and everyone's work until I learned to estimate how long it takes for them to finish their tasks and I've learned a few basic concepts. On the other hand, my boss was more than tough in training. He doesn't just want me to manage the yard but he wants me to lead my team. Delegating task is the most challenging part. There were times I wanted to quit and let go but I'm not a quitter. To quote Friedrich Nietzsche "That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."  Seeing the brighter side, I had a mentor who's been in business for more than half his life. He trains me to lead with an iron fist but reminds me to not to forget what our people need".

A few years later we opened another business with another challenge. This time it's a renewable energy plant. We thought of the concept in recycling waste rubbers since they do not decompose. Establishing the business was a supreme ordeal and is actually an ongoing supreme ordeal.

2.   Internal - your values, strength, weakness and how do they affect on how you decide act?

     In my entire life I have always valued Honesty and Loyalty. I strive to put enthusiasm in everything I do and I do it with passion. Once I have set out my heart to do something, I stick to it. I envision my path and I commit myself whole heartedly and I do not give up (endurance). As I have previously quoted from Charles Bukowski "If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don't even start. .."

    After living my life for almost 32 years, I guess it's enough for me to say that I am competent. My positive attitude towards life itself drives me to go forward and I understand the word sacrifice and endurance. "No Pain, No Gain". I don't take things for granted so I work hard. "It's a hard way to make an easy living" I'm quite resourceful with what's available. I value my family, friends and every one I get acquainted to.

   I am aware of my weaknesses and the challenge to overcome it is really the difficult part especially when I'm overwhelmed by emotions. I usually don't think clearly when I'm upset, mad or under any emotional turbulence. I tend not to listen to reasons and my ears are sealed with my own biases. I can shut everyone off. Then I regret afterwards.  I have a difficulty delegating task. I'm not good with quick decision making. I have the tendency to be inflexible and controlling. I tend to over think and I keep on weighing things again and again. I also have the tendency to assume that people understand simple things and sometimes I can get giddy when simple instructions are not understood. Last but not the least, like other women I'm quite unpredictable.

     The experiences, reactions and decisions I've made in the past might explain the factors that influences my way of thinking and how they affect my decision; How I handled my situation; how I reacted on the situation; the only thing I know is that I do not rely my decision to anybody's opinion. And I base my decision according to my beliefs and values and what I think is best for the situation.

3.   How do they prepare you for your future challenges?

  This self-awareness exercise in itself prepares me with the future challenges. .  Experiences  taught me lessons and I do not to commit the same mistakes again. History also taught me to clarify and determine what I want and what I do not want in life.  I bet it won't be that difficult to make a decision in the future when you know your values. The challenge now is for me to control my emotions when it's on its high to be able to think and decide accordingly when I'm faced with challenges. I need to master how to deal with my weakness. Learning is never ending so I still await more experiences and moments that will define me and make me a better person.

     

Regis Cebu leadership | Leader Melissa Abarrientos | Call to Arms Speech – My Passion

Regis Cebu leadership

Leader Melissa Abarrientos

Call to Arms Speech – My Passion

Good afternoon leaders. It took me a while to contemplate about my passion. I have to reflect over and over again while at work and while at home.  I had to go over my history to awaken what passion might have died long ago.

What really is my passion? I thought over and over again. Mulling over my life's history, I've was engrossed with Art –visual art. Art was my first love. I had been a dedicated volunteer when I was in college. I have a strong passion for entrepreneurship. I have a strong passion for learning and a never ending quest for certainty. It took me a while to filter my underlying motivation for all the things I do until I realized that all of them lead to one passion – that is to be of service to others.

I explored my first Journey to serve others by volunteering through community service. That was my first moment of Self-discovery. I was a volunteer teacher to kids who weren't able to go to school due to poverty.  As a volunteer, of course there was no pay nor allowance provided; and sometimes I have to spend my own allowance just to get to my area of assignment. It was quite exhausting but serving those kids was priceless.  My spirit for serving others and the community did not end there. After class I love to spend time at the D.V Soria where I have acquainted myself with the street kids. One day I thought to give them a paper and pencil and encourage them to draw instead of sniffing rugby.  I had faith that by sharing and imparting me to them they will learn values and value themselves; and I was right with what I believed in. One of those street kids, my favorite one, Paolo, who was my last painting's subject is now a street kid turned missionary.

Regis Cebu Leadership | Leader Melissa Abarrientos | Movie synopsis of Ruruoni Kenshin, J. Campbell Monomyth and My Life Story

Regis Cebu Leadership
Leader Melissa Abarrientos
Movie synopsis of Ruruoni Kenshin, J. Campbell Monomyth and My Life Story

 

Rurouni Kenshin is a movie adaptation based on a trilogy of the anime Samurai X. I chose this movie since I have always loved its story. Rumors said that the story is based on Japan's  history during the Meiji Period.

1.    The Hero's Ordinary World

The Journey of our hero,  Kenshin Himura begins as he wanders arounds the city of Tokyo a decade after their victorious battle in Toba-Fushimi, where he left his sword and sworn that he will never kill again. This also explains, why our hero has been carrying his reversed blade sword "sakabato".  As he was roaming  around town he came across Kamiya Kaoro, the daughter of a late swordsman too, whose left to manage the dojo of her father. Kamiya kaoro attacked Kenshin believing he was the famed battousai killing cops around town.  

Then, our hero was introduced to the situation that the country was facing after hearing what kamiya kaoro told him; and saving Kaoro duno from Udo Jin-e's hand .

Regis Cebu leadership | Leader Melissa Abarrientos | Enneagram (revised with the screenshot of my test)

Regis Cebu leadership

Leader Melissa Abarrientos

Enneagram

I am a psychology graduate but honestly I never had this Enneagram test. I've learned about other tests that were taught to us during my college days but this one was new to me. The test said, I'm a Type 8, The challenger and some of my personality points to Type 3: the Achiever and Type 2: the Helper. (My highest score was Type 8 but I also scored  high with type 3 and Type 2 altogether) I agree with the score, why?

 

Personally, I pertly agree with my test results. Based from my experiences and as confirmed by my mother ever since I was a child, I do not want to be controlled. She uses reverse psychology in getting me to cooperate instead of demanding instructions. My circumstances and environment was never a hindrance in doing what I want. I have a strong will and determination and I rarely depend on others.

Second, this personality was most evident at the time I was pregnant. I did not ask for any help and proved to everyone that I can survive without the other; I'm assertive and hardworking. I never relied my happiness and my life on anybody else. The same as I do not blame anyone for any of my misfortunes. .

Regis Cebu Leadership | Leader Melissa Abarrientos | Reflection paper 1 – Defining Moments

Regis Cebu Leadership

Leader Melissa Abarrientos

Reflection paper 1 – Definign Moments

  

That was June of 2006 when I decided to move out from our house. I quit law school and courageously traveled to a place where everyone was a stranger. I never knew this decision would become my defining moment.

I only had Php 5000.00 in my pocket for my fare to Cebu, room rental, transportation while I'm still looking for a job, and food. Luckily, I found a job after a week of stay but I didn't receive my first salary until after a month and a half; and because my budget was too tight I only had to set aside Php 10.00 a day at most for my food. There were several occasions I could really feel my stomach begging for food but I cannot go beyond my budget. Fare was my most important commodity. I need to work and I need to get to my office for the succeeding weeks. Fortunately, our office offers unlimited free coffee that often saved me from my pangs of hunger.

I never told my mother of my money-less situation. I lied that I received a training allowance. I did not want her to worry. I did not want her to send me money because I fear she will just loan it from someone. I left and quit my dream of becoming a lawyer because I knew she could no longer sustain it.   Despite the situation, she never complained about it.