Regis Cebu Leadership | Leader Melissa Abarrientos | Reflection paper 2

Regis Cebu Leadership

Leader Melissa Abarrientos

Reflection paper 2

1.   External - what are family, environment school and work experience that shaped you today?

SCHOOL

My college days offered me most of the best experiences in my life that shaped me as a person I am today. I studied in Xavier University, an Ateneo school run by Jesuits. During my first year I was already oriented to become a person for others and to give more "magis".  The school's first year formation program offered us opportunities for further self-development and awareness. I joined to become a student volunteer of an organization, KKP-SIP (kristohanong katilingban sa pagpakabana-Social Involvement Program) as early as the second semester as an apprentice volunteer since students are only allowed to become members of an organization on the second year of college. That same semester I was already assigned a task to render tutorial service and guidance counseling to the less fortunate kids at a remote barangay where the Sisters of Mary have put up a learning center.   Every summer I joined in-house trainings for leadership offered by the organization. While, every school year I volunteer and get task assignments to render service to the community outside the school. By whole Summer of 2002, I volunteered to join an  Immersion for Social Awareness and Community Service Development along with the other Ateneo schools in Mindanao; I was sent to a very far and remote town without any food or money just the books and other  materials I need to teach the children from that town. Part of the training was also for us to be resourceful with whatever is available in the place for us to carry out our mission. I needed to live in my foster house and eat what was offered in the table – if there was any food to eat. There were times there were really no food and as much as I would want to give them food? There was none that I can give for we were not allowed to bring any; not even a single can good or cookies and not even a single centavo. There was also no turning back after we were delivered to our corresponding area. I slept without pillows and blanket and I cannot take a bath because the water source was very far. I lived the life of my foster family for a month that the city became so strange after I got back. The whole experience did not only changed my point of view but it made a big impact on how I went on with my life afterwards. It was a rare experience that prepared me for my own battle the coming years.

When I was on my second year in college, I also joined the campus' Art Organization where I became very active and became a president of the same on my fourth year. Since I was an active member of the Social involvement program of the Campus, I enticed my co-members that we communicate social awareness to the community through Art media. We have held several exhibits with social awareness themes and self-awareness. We provided free basic art lessons to the street kids and other else. Our Team was solid and bonded with the same purpose and vision. They were my family in school. They were the closest to my heart.

Our organization became very famous and admired by other organizations and they loved our Art exhibits. Our organization was also supported by a great mentor who curated the school's museum; who went beyond the school's wall and provided us exposures to meet and get free training sessions with professional artists and even introduced us to the NCCA where we've met and had time to get to know great and (some) national artists. Our mentor also advocated social awareness so we had outside school activities. Before I graduated, I received a service award for valuable performance and service as President of Campus Organization for SY 2003-2004.

FAMILY

So much with the positive experiences, I also had struggles on the other side of the coin. At home, I don't have a perfect family (Anyway, I also haven't met one with a perfect one).  I've always been my mother's favorite target. She nags and scolds me every day even for little reasons and even when she's upset about my brother. She blows all her stress on me to the point where I wondered if she even likes me? It always hurt me but I never allowed myself any chance to get swayed by my emotions and think that she doesn't love me despite the evident favoritism and patience she has for my brother. I wasn't hallucinating about this fact since everybody noticed. I just kept on trying to please her.  Sometimes I earn money from my projects like when I paint for someone or just plainly earn from a contractual job and I give all of  those earnings to her so I can help her with the household expenses; Despite this,  I wasn't sure if she was able to appreciate it. I constantly justified to myself that she was just so stressed out. Otherwise, she won't send me to prestigious schools. The only thing I had in mind was I'll never gave up hope that someday she will realize that she was lucky to have me.

At that time our family was in chaos too. My parents were in Great War and struggle, by which issues I'd like to keep private as a respect to their relationship's privacy. I won't deny that it affected me in great lengths that I decided to stop studying law and decided to move out. That was also the time, my mother cried and told me she will miss me so much since I was her shoulder; And there's no one she can turn to listen to her pain. I told her she doesn't have to worry because she can call me over the phone.

WORK

After I left home and ventured in Cebu, I worked in a call center for several years. I was an agent at first until I made my way to become a part of the HR department as an Employee Relations Specialist. I've worked with Lexmark international for at least 4 years; and professionally I've grown a lot and had been lucky enough to avail of their professional trainings.  For several years I can only say I only had 2 friends. The rest were acquaintance. I changed career when a close friend asked me to manage his business. I started working while my small office was under construction. I brought my own laptop and printer. There was no system. No standard process; I struggled to learn things I never dreamed of learning – welding, mechanical issues etc... My training wasn't easy apart from staying under the sun for most of the day; working with men who weren't able go to college, some not even high school nor elementary. Communication wasn't easy. It was quite difficult to get through them. They come from diverse background, different levels of education, different characters and a lot of them have an attitude. So I bonded with them and made sure I was approachable. I shadowed while they're working and asked them to help me understand their job. I tried to understand each and everyone's work until I learned to estimate how long it takes for them to finish their tasks and I've learned a few basic concepts. On the other hand, my boss was more than tough in training. He doesn't just want me to manage the yard but he wants me to lead my team. Delegating task is the most challenging part. There were times I wanted to quit and let go but I'm not a quitter. To quote Friedrich Nietzsche "That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."  Seeing the brighter side, I had a mentor who's been in business for more than half his life. He trains me to lead with an iron fist but reminds me to not to forget what our people need".

A few years later we opened another business with another challenge. This time it's a renewable energy plant. We thought of the concept in recycling waste rubbers since they do not decompose. Establishing the business was a supreme ordeal and is actually an ongoing supreme ordeal.

2.   Internal - your values, strength, weakness and how do they affect on how you decide act?

     In my entire life I have always valued Honesty and Loyalty. I strive to put enthusiasm in everything I do and I do it with passion. Once I have set out my heart to do something, I stick to it. I envision my path and I commit myself whole heartedly and I do not give up (endurance). As I have previously quoted from Charles Bukowski "If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don't even start. .."

    After living my life for almost 32 years, I guess it's enough for me to say that I am competent. My positive attitude towards life itself drives me to go forward and I understand the word sacrifice and endurance. "No Pain, No Gain". I don't take things for granted so I work hard. "It's a hard way to make an easy living" I'm quite resourceful with what's available. I value my family, friends and every one I get acquainted to.

   I am aware of my weaknesses and the challenge to overcome it is really the difficult part especially when I'm overwhelmed by emotions. I usually don't think clearly when I'm upset, mad or under any emotional turbulence. I tend not to listen to reasons and my ears are sealed with my own biases. I can shut everyone off. Then I regret afterwards.  I have a difficulty delegating task. I'm not good with quick decision making. I have the tendency to be inflexible and controlling. I tend to over think and I keep on weighing things again and again. I also have the tendency to assume that people understand simple things and sometimes I can get giddy when simple instructions are not understood. Last but not the least, like other women I'm quite unpredictable.

     The experiences, reactions and decisions I've made in the past might explain the factors that influences my way of thinking and how they affect my decision; How I handled my situation; how I reacted on the situation; the only thing I know is that I do not rely my decision to anybody's opinion. And I base my decision according to my beliefs and values and what I think is best for the situation.

3.   How do they prepare you for your future challenges?

  This self-awareness exercise in itself prepares me with the future challenges. .  Experiences  taught me lessons and I do not to commit the same mistakes again. History also taught me to clarify and determine what I want and what I do not want in life.  I bet it won't be that difficult to make a decision in the future when you know your values. The challenge now is for me to control my emotions when it's on its high to be able to think and decide accordingly when I'm faced with challenges. I need to master how to deal with my weakness. Learning is never ending so I still await more experiences and moments that will define me and make me a better person.