Dear Prof George,
Posted along is my genogram
thanks
Andre Ladan
Regis Leadership Cebu
Leader Andre Ladan
GENOGRAM
Father Side
My relatives from my father side came from Leyte province. I have been there a couple of times but I was still too young then to really pay attention to their names. Most of them were teachers and farmers in tacloban city and other nearby towns.
Francisco Ladan Sr
I do not remember my grandfather for I was very young when he died, though I was told that he was very fond of me. He was a lawyer but opted to work for the government based in Tacloban city. Based on the information I've gathered he was very strict with his children especially when it comes to their studies. My grandfather operated fishing boats to supplement his income as government employee. At a certain point, he sold all his properties and transferred his family to manila to eke out a living.
Jovita Ladan
My grandmother was a housewife, she wasn't able to finish her studies because of the war. I also believe that it wasn't really required then for women in the provinces to finish school. I was told she was very young when she got married to my grandfather. I remember when she used to visit us and brings us sweets as pasalubong.
Francisco Ladan Jr
My father finished a degree in commerce and started to work for the Post Office. He transferred to Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas in a few years and eventually retired there after 25 years. My father was very strict when it comes to our studies but he makes up for that through his generosity. My father is a very principled man, he valued his craft and and always aimed to provide excellent public service. At a very young age we were taught to be fair, honest and abide by what we believed in. He was always with us especially when we were growing up. He taught me how to make kites that fly, ride a bike repeat the multiplication table by memory play basketball and a whole lot of other stuff fathers are supposed to do.
Dely Ladan
She's a teacher, residing in Bacoor cavite. She was close to me because she was the one teaching me when I was growing up. I used to sit in with her grade 1 class when I was 5. That was a great experience for me because I learned a lot of things earlier. She's also a pastor and has been one for 25 years before going back to teaching. Up to now she still has her own church in cavite
Tess Ladan
I hardly knew her for she died when I was very young
Boy Ladan
My uncle Boy finished engineering in Mapua but never took the licensure exam. I remember him working for the NBI back then. He was working in the ballistics division of NBI and used to show me different types of bullets and various armaments. I remember getting whipped and him getting scolded by my father when they saw me playing with his gun. After several years of working for the NBI he became a pastor and heads his own flock in Quezon City. He currently lives in Cubao with his family.
Cesar Ladan
The youngest of my father's sibling came from UP but he was not able to graduate. He was already a senior when he started his vocation to preach. Among the pastors in the family he has the biggest flock and is currently based in Florida.
Mother side
Santiago Gaddi – I do not remember anything from him, he died before I was born. He was a cab driver in Manila. He came from Guagua, Pampanga and settled in Manila in the early 50's.
Zenaida Gaddi – Lola Ida was the one real grandparent that I had, she was not able to finish school but she was able to raise 5 kids and put them through school. She was a fish vendor in libertad. Lola Ida was well loved by her grandchildren. Even though all her children lived in different places she makes it a point to visit all her children every month. I remember her visits well because we'd get lots of toys and eat whatever we want when she's around. She was well respected in the community where she lived. Though Leveriza back then was a shoddy neighborhood no one in their right mind messes with her and her children. She always has a kind heart and lived a simple life. She died in the early 2000's and there I saw the impact that she had with the lives of so many people. The vehicles in the funeral procession were so many you'd think it was a showbiz personality or a politician. The convoy stretched from Qurino avenue all the way to Buendia.
Roberto Gaddi – he worked for the National Irrigation Authority and retired with same government agency. He is currently residing in Sta Maria Bulacan with his wife. His children are both based abroad. They were already petitioned to live in the US but my uncle would rather stay here, he told me he couldn,t stand the New York winter.
Eduardo Gaddi – he worked as a seaman, he's been an OFW for forty years. He lived in Sucat with his wife and four children. His children are also seafarers.
Danny Gaddi – he was also a seaman, but he retired several years ago. He and his wife already migrated to the US but left their children here in the country. His children are all grown up and have their own careers and families. Two of his sons are policemen while three are in Dubai. They used to live in Tondo but they left that house when they migrated to the US
Priscilla Gaddi Apostol – Tita Pen was my mother's only sister and confidante. They grew up together and were really close. She lived with my Grandmother in Leveriza. She has two children who have their own families already. His husband is also an OFW who travelled many countries as a very skilled technician.
Yolanda Gaddi Ladan – my mother was the youngest girl of the brood, she took up commerce in Lyceum but opted to be a housewife when she got married. My mother has a very strong personality and will. At times her perseverance to achieve her goals borders on stubbornness. My mother was a very hands-on mom when it comes to raising us. I remember hiding from her things that I did in school but she would eventually find out. She was very diligent in our studies (I wasn't), and would scour our notebooks for assignments we ought to do when we get home. Her sermons would resonate the halls of our home endlessly, tirelessly. All that labor did eventually bore fruit. She had three children who are very much capable on their own.
Santiago Gaddi JR – the youngest of my mother's sibling. He is currently a Kagawad in Leveriza and will probably run for Barangay Captain this election. He is the most popular among the siblings and probably knows half the people in Leveriza. I remember him boasting that he won as first Kagawad without really campaigning. I am closer to him than most because he allows me to drink beer when we're together and say it the bottle was his everytime my father asks.
Growing Up In My Family
What was the kind of family environment in which I grew up?
We lived simply for we do not have much growing up. My father was a government employee and my mother was a housewife. Growing up we were taught the importance of education as a way to escape poverty. Education was something no one can steal, and will afford us a better life. We grew up as achievers, all of us were honors or graduates from science high schools. We were all scholars till college. My mother always drove us to compete, it always angers her that at a very young age I never competed against others. I've always told her that I only compete against myself. I set the bar for myself and try to surpass it. I guess that didn't sit well with her. It took her years to finally accept that she can't do anything about it. Growing up in a household full of strong personalities I learned to not back down especially when I know I have a point. My brother and sister did not struggle as much with my mother when they were growing up. They had the occasional encounters like any parent and child confrontations but nothing like mine. Eventually as we grew up, me and my mom became closer and have a great relationship.
What activities did we do regularly? How did we celebrate holidays and special occasions?
Growing up, it was a mandatory activity to attend mass as a family. There were no excuses when it comes to attending Sunday mass. It was only later when we were in college were we allowed to go separately when attending mass. Holidays and special occasions are spent with the family. I can't remember any occasion where any of us are absent in the family gatherings. Up to now it is custom that became part of our lives.
What did I consider turning points in my family's development? How did this affect me?
One of the turning points in my family's development was when I entered PMA. Ever since I became a PMA cadet I became more independent. My mother would sometimes push her authority/agenda on me and I would just laugh it off or keep mum about it. My father on the other hand usually let me be. Eventually they came to accept that I make most of my decisions on my own already and could look after myself. Another turning point in my family's development was when my mother started to work because our youngest sibling has already graduated. The dynamics of our family changed because my mother has been a housewife for the longest time and my father has not anticipated the changes that would happen in my household. The first few months were verbal skirmishes from my parents because they couldn't adapt immediately with the changes. It was funny to see because we were all grown up and we were like watching our own telenovela unfold. Eventually they were able to adjust with their new environment. One of the recent turning points was when my father got sick. That incident tested the closeness of our family. Decisions regarding my father's surgery versus his health and age were to be made. Many relatives and friends were even chipping in on the matter. We closed our doors from others and discussed our options. We eventually agreed to allow the operation and unitedly stood by that decision regardless of the outcome. As my father was recuperating from the surgery he specifically wanted his children and mother to care for him. This proved to be more difficult as we all have to work. For three months my mother and three of us took turns watching over my father as he got better. That was two years ago, and although much has changed we as a family got closer and tighter.
Who was/is the leader in my family? Who wields power in my family? How is this used?
My father was the leader in our family, when we were growing up it is his judgement that mattered most. Especially on more important things it was my father's decision that really mattered. My mother's authority often covered the administrative requirements of the family like "baon increase", tv time and play time, study periods, and the occasional "pabili". My father was a generous man, I know for a fact that he rarely vetoes our requests that he knows important to us. The times that he did say no, I knew that it broke his heart but he has to stand his ground.
What was considered important in my family? What was I often taught to remember as I was growing up?
Respect. My parents imparted to us the value of courtesy and respecting people regardless of their stature in life. We were also taught that to gain respect one has to earn it. Sunday mass and family activity were also important to my family. We were told that in time that we have our own kids we have to instill in them the value of a family occasion so that when they grow up they will never forget. It is one of the tenets that I share with my children and try to ingrain in them before they become adults and live their own lives.
My Family and I
What do I observe in myself that I also see in my parents and other relatives (e.g. career choice, personal characteristics, choice of spouse, patterns of coping, patterns of relating, pathologies etc)?
One of the things that I've observed that I think was influenced by how we were raised was our employment in the government. All of us are were government employees, it was only my sister who transferred because the lack of opportunity that was afforded to people with her skill set. All of us also are hands on parents especially in correcting behavior and study habits, especially me. We also grew up in a household were emotions are not readily displayed, and I can see that I am trying to avoid that pitfall and encourage my kids to show affection.
How has my being part of my family shaped the person that I am today?
A lot of what I am today was shaped by my family. I was lucky enough to grow up in a complete and loving family who valued the development of their children. I never had to look very far for role models. Growing up I knew that I would like to be my father and try to better him in other aspects. I grew up knowing a mother's love'and how fiercely it protects a child. I grew up knowing the value of education and respect for authority. That said, those things shaped me to become a better person, it helped me become a better father and husband. I consistently teach my children the value of respect, fairness and love for others.
Insights
What did I realize from this activity?
I realized that most of what I do today and impart to my children stemmed from the family environment I grew up in. The values I remember being taught to me are also the ones I teach to my children. The environment I grew up in also plays a part in how I manage situations and relate to people.
How do I feel about these insights?
I feel that we can still be the person we want to be as long as we set our mind to it. But it can never be denied that our past will dictate how we step into our future. Much of our reactions are a result of our respective family environments. Taking on a macroscopic view, one can surmised that we can really trace our beginnings and the character we have that was developed in our families. We can take those qualities and improve on them so that our children maybe better.
How do I want to proceed from these realizations?
With these realizations, I would want to assess my current situation and try to improve on it. I believe that every person should try to better himself. I would also reassess on my parenting and not just copy from my past but rather synergize it with better practices. As time progresses there are societal changes that are evolving like the women's role in the household, LGBT rights and the rise of social media. These paradigm shifts are not available in my past and therefore I must make a conscious decision to incorporate them in how I interact with society.
What course of action shall I undertake?
I would definitely need to make changes and adjust. Though the past is indeed a large part of who I am, I cannot discount the fact that the changes in the present cannot be ignored. Life is a constant adaptation, and it is not just nature that is adapting. Relationships, social norms and structures are all in a flux. Life cannot just be about making money. As a person I need to improve myself and my character. As a leader, it is my responsibility to provide the best version of myself to my men so that I may inspire them to also do better. My past gives me a guide on where to start, It is up to me on how to merge the present with my past to give myself a better future.
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