Regis Cebu Leadership Genogram – “My Family Tree” by Leader Juvelon Abante

Regis Cebu Leadership Genogram – "My Family Tree" by Leader Juvelon Abante

I.             My Family Tree

A.   Father Side (Grandparents)

My Grandfather from my Father Side originally comes from Mindoro Province. According to my relatives, most of the Abante Clan originated from Mindoro then eventually have transferred to Bauan Batangas.

i)                    Lolo Durungao – I am not familiar with the real name of my Lolo's Brother, but as I recall it right I call him Lolo Durungao because he is from Durungao, Batangas. I often see him when we are visiting Batangas during the Christmas Holiday Season. According to my Father, he is a businessman and of public service.

ii)                  Teodulo Abante (My Dad's Father) – My Lolo Dolo as they call him is a graduate of commerce. He died when I was just 2 years old that is why I don't have memories to recall for my Lolo. But according to my Lola, Lolo Dolo is very strict when it comes to parenting. This is where my Father inherits his style of parenting to us.

i)        Concepcion Abante (My Dad's Mother) – My Lola Asyon as they fondly called him is still alive at the age of 85 as of this writing. I have a lot of good memories with my Grandmother because she is the one who takes care of us whenever we visit Batangas during our childhood. Lola Asyon is very religious and a devoted catholic, she always reminds us to attend masses. When I was a kid, my Lola always brings me to the "Flores de Mayo" during the month of May. We were assigned to lead the celebration in the church.

ii)      Lola Belen – Lola Belen is the sister of Lola Asyon. The first time I met Lola Belen when I was in 8 years old. I remember that during this first meeting, she invited me to a lunch on their house because she will cook tinolang manok. I also see that my Lola Belen is close to my Father Rusty. My Dad will always visit Lola Belen whenever we had a time to have a vacation in Batangas.

B.   Mother Side (Grandparents)

My Grandparents from my mother side can trace its roots on Dumaguete and Mabinay, Negros Oriental. My Lolo Ben is from Mabinay while my Lola Puring is from Dumaguete.

i)                    Benjamin Diones (My Mom's Father) – My Grandfather Lolo Ben is a graduate of Education from Siliman University. Just like my Lolo Dolo, he also died while I was still a kid. I think I just turn 1 year old when my Lolo Ben dies. According to my Mom, he dies because of Lung Cancer. He was a heavy smoker and drinker. He is a Teacher and School Prinicipal in Mabinay Elementary School.

ii)                  Lolo Toting – Lolo Toting graduated as a lawyer in Foundation University in Dumaguete. As I remember him, he was like a Politician whenever I see him speaks during our gathering. According to my Mom, he inherits these from my Great Grandparent who is formerly a mayor of Mabinay.

iii)                Lolo Lording – Lolo lording is a graduate of Siliman University as a Laboratory Technician. I did not have a chance to meet Lolo Lording before he dies because they are living in Australia.

i)                    Purificacion Adanza (My Mom's Mother) – Lola Puring is also a teacher just like my Lolo Ben. She is a school teacher in Zamboanguita Negros Oriental. As I recall my childhood memories, my Lola Puring host us whenever we visit Negros during summer vacation.  Lola Puring becomes the immediate guardian of 2 of my cousins because my Aunt died when my cousin was still a kid. My Lola puring died of heart failure last 2010.

ii)                  Exequiel Adanza – Captain Adanza as most of his colleagues call him is a graduate of PMMA. He serves as a Navy after graduation at Sangley Point Naval Base in Cavite. He eventually transfers to private as a seaman and became captain of the ship before he retires.

C.   Father Side (Parents)

i)                    Amado – Tito Ado as my cousins called him spent most of his time working abroad. Up to now, even if all his children finish college he still continues working in the Middle East. Tito Ado is soft spoken just like my Lola Asyon.

ii)                  Rustico (My Father) – Dad is the second of their siblings. He also works for abroad to be with my Mom when I was 4 years old. He is very strict disciplinarian and a perfectionist. According to my Lola, he inherits this from my Lolo.  This is why we have trained to respect and study hard because of the discipline that my Father applied to us. He is a very good cook and I learn a lot of recipes from my Father. My Dad even if a soft spoken is also a people person. He is a member of different organizations in our subdivision like Knights of Columbus, Board of Directors Homeowners Association, and Cooperatives & Parish Prex. He is active in church just like my Grandmother. He also drinks but already quit smoking. During 2012, a month just after our wedding he was diagnosed with a Gastric Cancer. He was laid to rest in July 2013.

iii)                Eva – Tita Eva or Inay Eva is like the second mother to all of us. We call her Inay Eva because she take care of my cousins just like her own child. She also works in the Middle East in the Ministry of Health. Inay Eva was our Ninang during our wedding. She was close to my dad and we admire their closes as siblings. She take care of our Dad during the time my Father was battling Cancer. She was laid in rest last October 2014.

iv)                Tessie – Tita Tessie also works in the Middle East with the same ministry just like Inay Eva. I seldom see Tita Tessie because she is always in abroad when I am taking a vacation during my childhood but I am close to her kids just like my other cousins.

v)                  Alex – Tito Alex has the closest physical appearance to my Father. Just like my Father, he is also very disciplinarian. During summer vacation, Uncle Alex always fetches us in Cavite to spend our summer in Batangas.

vi)                Vigie – Tita Vigie is working in the Municipal Treasurer in Bauan Batangas. She is also our Ninang. Her husband Tito Tony is like the joker of the family. During gatherings, our Tito tony would tell jokes to my cousins and make everyone laughs. He is also our cook for any occasions in Batangas. I guess this is where I inherit my planning whenever there is a party because Tito Tony always organizes celebrations in Batangas.

vii)              Rosie – Tita Rosie was born deaf. She is the one who took care of me when my Mom left for a work in abroad when I was just two years old. Because of disability, Tita Rosie did not continue her studies. Her siblings is supporting her and whenever I had a chance to visit Batangas, I also extend financial assistance on her.

viii)            Jojo – Tiyo Jojo is one of my closest Uncle. He is a seaman but eventually worked as a skilled laborer in Middle East. Uncle Jo is my drinking buddy whenever I am in Batangas.

ix)                Josie – Tita Josie is a Teacher. She met his husband in St. Theresa College where she works. She is the Youngest of the siblings. According to our Lola Asyon, she is the brightest among the siblings that is why she became teacher. My cousins always look up to Tita Josie as a role model in studies because Tita Josie graduated from college with high flying colors.

D.   Mother Side (Parents)

i)                    Joyce (My Mother) – Nang Joyce as her siblings called her is the eldest of her siblings. She graduated as a Pharmacist in Southwestern University in Cebu. She transfers to Manila after graduation to work in Rose Pharmacy in Binondo. Her work allows her to send her siblings to studies. She met my Father while working for Perpetual Hospital and my Father then was a customer. My mother is a very humble person. Her principle in life is to live in humility and be respectful at all times.

ii)                  Ner  - We consider Tita Ner as our Second Mom because she became our guardian when both of our parents are working abroad. Her sons became my closes cousins because we are living in the same neighborhood. Tita Ner brings us to church every Sunday and we eat always a sumptuous lunch during Sundays on their house before we go back to our home.

iii)                Benjie – Uncle Benjie is a seaman. I always remember him as the one who will buy us expensive gift whenever he is on vacation and that's when I had the mindset that seaman is always rich because he always treats us with my cousins.

iv)                Mutya – Tita Mutya died early because of Tetanus. My cousin then was only a kid when she died thus Lola Puring became her mother and took care of him.

v)                  Rey – Uncle Rey is a businessman in Zamboanguita Negros Oriental. His main business is agricultural crops and supplies it to different markets in Negros. He also dream of becoming a lawyer someday that's why he still tries to pass the bar examination to pursue his dream.

vi)                May –  For our cousins, Tita May is like our barkada because she is our companion when most of our cousins meet especially when we visit their house.

vii)              Ethel – Aunt Ethel graduated as Nursing but never had the chance to practice it. She lives in our house while she was studying that is why we also became close to her just like Tita May. Today she is now working and living in Canada and We hope to visit her someday.

E.    Siblings

i)                    Juvelon Abante – We were only two in the Family and I am the eldest. We have a 4years age gap with my Sister.

ii)                  Jeremeh Abante – My Sister is my bestfriend, probably because both our parents left when we were still young. Even up to now that I have my own family and living in Cebu we always catch up with each other. She graduates as Nursing and pass the board exam but God has a different plan for her because she is now the youngest Senior Sales Director in Mary Kay.

II.           What does this mean to Me as an Individual?

i)             What is my birth position in my family? 

I am the eldest of the family that is why learn responsibility at a young age. I learn to lead my family even if my Mom and Dad is working abroad.

ii)            What values do I hold important in my life? How do these affect major decisions and life directions?

I have adopted the humility and respect for others from my Mom. I have always practice to be humble at all times and apply empathy for every decision I make. These 2 is my guiding principle that is why I am using the Sheperdship as my leadership role model. I am applying it also with my own family and teaching my kids to be humble and be thankful for every opportunity and blessings.

iii)         What are my struggles? What are my areas of improvement? 

Just like my father that has difficulty in saying NO to gathering invitations, I am also having hard time in saying NO and sometimes become the source of argument with my Wife. I grew up always attending invitations but because I am already married with kids I have to learn the limitations.

iv)          What are my strengths? 

My strength is my humility and I am using it to further improve my self-awareness and self regulation.

III.          Current Family

i)             In what stage of family development is my family? 

Currently My Family is now on the Startup Stage because our kids is only 3 year and 2 years old. We just get married 3 years ago and started our family here in Cebu when I relocate here from Manila.

ii)           To whom am I closest in the family? What is the nature of our relationship?

In my siblings, I am close to my Sister. She is my best friend ever since we were kids. In my own family and at this moment I am close with my Wife. We share the laughs and sad moments from work to family and we share the same vision in raising our kids.

iii)         To whom am I least close in my family? What is the nature of this relationship? 

In my family tree, I think I have no least close because both of my relatives from my father and mother is very close. We always had the reunion every year and I always witness how our family grows and closeness to one another remains.

iv)           What am I proud about my family and being part of this group of people

I am proud that I belong to a very close family ties both from my Father and Mother Side. I can see to it that everybody is helping one another and finance was never an issue. During the time my Mother was diagnosed with a Cancer, my relatives from my Father side helps my Mom from moral support to financial and this also happens when my Father was also diagnosed with Gastric Cancer. Even if my Dad already died, my father's relatives always visit us and spend a day on my father's grave.

v)            What is often my role in my family?

I am the big brother in the family tree even if I am not the eldest among my cousins. I got to easily get along with my cousins and talked to my young cousins as their kuya in the family.

vi)          What stressor affects my family now? How difficult are they to handle? 

In the past 2 years, my Dad and my Inay Eva died both of Cancer. These become our low point especially to our Lola Asyon. Seeing her child in the grave is very emotional for us. But because of the closeness the family, the family were able to recover and support our Lola.

vii)        What resources are we using to maintain family equilibrium?

As my Lola Asyon reminds us always, to Put God in everything we do. Our family ensures that we always put God and give praise to God including attending masses every Sunday.

IV.           My Family and I

i)             What do I observe in myself that I also see in my parents and other relatives (e.g., career choice, personal characteristics, choice of spouse/relationships, patterns of coping, patterns of relating, pathologies, etc.

I am like my Mother when it comes to my attitude. I often consider the feeling of others prior to making a decision. In my corporate career, I am like my Father. A hard working and got to network easily.

ii)           What patterns, both healthy and unhealthy, do I see in my family

Leadership and Responsibility are both the healthy patterns I see and learn to apply in my own family.

iii)         What myths do I continue to perpetuate? 

During Lenten season, I still practice not to celebrate but to meditate and reflect on the suffering of Jesus.

iv)          How has my being part of my family shaped the person that I am today?

I become a strong leader just like a strong kuya for my Sister. I have learn and apply the accountability to my sister just like to my own team in my career.

v)            What are the strengths of my family to which I significantly contribute

Hardworking and Humbleness. These 2 strength I am applying with my own family.

V.      As a Leader

vi)          How has my family background and history shaped me as a leader? 

Looking back on my Family Tree, I can trace that my Leadership Styles is a combination of what I have learned or inherited both from my Father and my Mother. The leading the team strong was from my Father's Side as my Lolo and Uncle is very strict disciplinarian. While the humility, empathy and accountability is from My Mother Side.

VI.        Reflection

i)             What did I realize from this activity? 

External factors such as Family mold us to become a better person. I realize that both my parents have humble beginnings and thru their experiences they have applied the same learning's in our family

ii)           How do I feel about these insights? 

I am thankful for these experiences and to my relatives who have helped us a lot.

iii)         How do I want to proceed from these realizations?

I want to maintain the closeness of my Family and my relatives. I want to educate my Kids and my Niece that Family Values is very important and we should continue what our relatives have started and maintain to preserve our clan.

iv)          What course of action shall I undertake? 

I want to improve my leadership style and apply the external factors that will shape me to be better leader in the future. I will work on my strengths and develop my weaknesses. I will consider my family for every decision that I make as my family is also my strength. I will never stop learning and I must learn to pay it forward for any opportunities that comes and I must be a leader not only to my company and my family but also to my community and my country.