Regis Cebu Leadership: Leader Izumi G. Yamashita - Reflection Paper 2 - External and Internal Factors That Shaped Me

Hi Prof,

Resending my Reflection paper #2. I'm not sure if you got this because I haven't seen it uploaded on your blog. Unless it didn't meet your standards, please let me know so I can improve. Thank you!  <standards of the syllabus/assignment;  it is not a personal choice;  tagapagpatupad lang ang inyong lingkod;  but see how you levelled up thanks>

Regards,

Izumi

Regis Cebu Leadership

Leader Izumi G. Yamashita

Reflection Paper 2 – External and Internal Factors That Shaped Me

I.      External - What are family, environment school and work experience that shaped you today?

·       Family

I am an only child and both my parents are in Japan together. My grandpa died when I was six so I only live with my grandmother and my aunt who is of the same age as I am. We were like sisters, twins even, having grown together. She's my mom's only sister. Quite a gap, eh? This sums up my family. Or so I thought.

I was born on the third of March in the year 1989. I'm half-Japanese but was born and raised in the Philippines. My mother and I stayed in the country while my father was in Japan taking care of business. She was 23. He was 33.

After my first birthday, my mother went back to Japan and brought me with her. We were supposed to settle down there. However, upon reaching home, she found evidence of my father's infidelity. Right there and then, she called it quits with him, packed our things and flew back to the Philippines. At least this is what she tells me until now.

My mom would make sure though that I kept in touch with my Dad. She taught me how to write and I could at an early age of 3. Growing up, she made it a point that I sent greeting cards for his birthday, for Christmas, Fathers' day, even Valentines' day.

Believe it or not, my first memory is when I was over a year old. I distinctly remember taking a photo with my aunt. From when I was one to four years old, I distinctly remember my mom reading me bedtime stories before I sleep.  I clearly remember my mom teaching me how to do the Sign of the Cross. I clearly remember being taught the Lord's Prayer, my first prayer ever. I clearly remember my mom bringing me to my first day in pre-school and her watching me until I got comfortable. I remember being a mommy's girl, which is why I very vividly remember how she had to push me away, screaming at me "doon ka nga!" and not wanting me anywhere near her through the weeks leading to her departure. I vividly remember the day I saw her things packed. By then, I was four but I knew what was going on. My grandmother was carrying me as she kissed me goodbye. I was crying and begging and trying to get out of my grandmother's arms to try to run after my mother, but of course, to no avail. At a tender age of four, my mother left me and flew back to Japan again to work. She wanted me to hate her so it was easy for me to let her go and so I did; all the way through. After all, how can a mother do such horrible thing to an innocent newly turn 4 year old child, right? She probably thought I would forget, BUT NEVER.

My grandparents stood as my parents. My Lolo was more hands-on with me, thus making me a Lolo's girl. My grandma on the other hand was more focused on my aunt. Since we were both toddlers at the time, I guess they had to split the tasks. They were both strict, but my grandma was tougher. Every time I'd get scolded and get disciplined via physical means, I'd run to my grandpa for comfort.

At 51, my grandfather was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Not too long upon being diagnosed, he passed away. I was six. Suddenly I was left with my grandmother who had to care for two young children. Life was difficult trying to make ends meet, which is probably why she was always mad or irritable or just plain upset with the world. She often took her frustrations out on us thus often resorting to verbal and physical abuse over the smallest things. Because of this, I all the more I hated my mother for leaving me.

Furthermore, having been closer and perhaps because she was her "daughter", my grandmother always showed more concern and love for my aunt. Every time we'd fight, it was always my fault. Every time we had an argument, it was always because "maldita" daw ako. All these things even without the benefit of knowing what really transpired.

Growing up, my grandmother always shoved it in my face how she always though my aunt was the nicer one, the perfect one, the more hardworking, respectful, obedient, beautiful, and talented one, while I was always on the opposite end of the pole. She was vocal about it even telling everyone else about it in front of me, thus making everyone look at me at the same light and giving me a much colder treatment than towards my aunt.

My mom would only make a long distance call twice a month or once if I'm lucky and every time she did, I resented it. I never looked forward to talking to her because every time we would, all she'd ever do was scold me all because of what my grandmother tells her and all without asking for my side, my thoughts, and what I feel; and every time I tried to explain, I've always been accused of lying so since then I never bothered to talk to her at all. That went all the way through till I was 10.

One day, my grandmother talked to me and just almost very casually told me that my parents had separated when I was one, and that my mom had remarried when I was four, so did my dad. That's it; nothing more. No explanation whatsoever. I didn't say a thing. I simply said "okay" then went up to my room and cried.

If there's anything we are not in the house, it's being emotional, dramatic, or sentimental. My grandmother never really had that motherly way of caring or loving or talking to us. She was tough and was often harsh. She always thought of showing care or concern as a weakness and tears as dramatic and "kaartehan", so I have learned to contain my emotions and just suck everything up and deal with problems on my own.

Coming from an old school family, she was never shown any affection too by her parents, which is why she is the way she is. People from before are very dictatorial and as traditional Filipinos, the younger ones were never allowed to answer back, reason out, or argue with the elders. That's an orientation she carried with her and a style she unconsciously applied in raising us. She just always imposed and never really bothered consulting or talking to us even if she was unreasonable more often than not, which I ultimately found repulsive.

Anyway, after our conversation I went up to my room and cried and bombarded the world with a lot of why's. It was also then that I realized that my dad never once replied to any of my letters and that they were lying to me my whole life trying to make me believe that he was just busy.

Now why did they finally decide to tell me after so many years of lying? Because a week after they did, my mom suddenly appeared by our doorstep – after six years of being an absentee parent there she was – with a baby. I was surprised by I did not approach. I just continued watching TV like nothing happened. She was upset – again, of course. She was probably thinking my grandmother was right. What did she expect?! The four year old girl she left was now 10. She grew up with a virtual mother who calls once or twice a month to scold her and was dropped a major bomb on her barely a week before her lying mother showed up! You didn't expect me to be warm and cheesy and all melodramatic upon your return right?! Oh and the baby! That was my brother. Surprise, Izumi! You're an Ate now.

I felt betrayed and deceived. I felt cheated on and really found my family unfair. All the more I felt I had no place and had nowhere to belong. Everyone did not like me – my mother didn't want me (especially as I saw how protective and loving she is of my brother), my grandmother hated me, my relatives didn't like me either. My mom had her life. My dad has his.

I rebelled and did just about the exact opposite of everything my grandmother and mom ever wanted. A lot of times, my rebellion got way out of hand that my grandmother and mother would just do a synchronized beating of me, or sometimes they took turns.

I never faltered. No matter how hard they got on me too, I never showed emotions. Well, sometimes I would cry from the pain, but I was crying out of anger and not for them to have pity on me or to forgive me or what not. I cried because I despised them so much for being abusive, selfish, righteous liars who punished me for turning into how I was because of their very own doing – and that they failed to realize.

This was the case for as long as I can remember up until my mom started to come home more often and actually witnessed what was going on in our house and actually heard my situation first hand from our relatives. It got so bad that I reached the point of forcing my mom to admit if I were adopted, which tore her heart to pieces. When she figured out what I've been through away from her and how she made matters worse by siding with my grandmother without looking at both sides of our stories, she was remorseful. By then, I was 18.

Since then, my mom never failed to try to make it up to me. She talked to me more often. She often asked how I've been and what's new with me. When I'm sad, she'd listen to me and comfort me. She started giving me advices and opened up about her own life too until such time I got comfortable with her too. She exerted effort to get to know me.

How did my family shape me?

                 

Growing up without a mother and the love that goes along with it, and with just a grandmother who also didn't know how to be a mother herself, I was forced to take care of my own. There was nobody I can tell my problems to. There was nobody to protect me. All I had was myself and because of that, I learned how to be independent and resilient. But, no matter how awful this sounds, this is one of the few things I am truly and immensely grateful for. At this point in my life, my independence and resiliency are what I consider my most valuable strength. At the end of the day, these are what got me through my ups and downs and these are what got me to where I am now without faltering.

My family also turned me into this competitive person that I am. Having grown up in a household where I always got compared, I took it upon me to make it a point to always prove everyone I am better than my aunt until better than her wasn't enough for me. I wanted to be the best every which way possible. Again, this is something I am truly thankful for. This taught me how to strive for the best, only the best. It taught me how push myself and test the limits, which I ultimately found as an advantage.

Because of my family's many lies and deceit, I thought of the world as a nasty place. I saw people as animals who will try to get away with things even at the expense of other people for their own convenience.  I always thought of people as dishonest beings who are only out to protect their personal interests. I became this distrustful and guarded person often on the look-out wary of people you might be out to take advantage of me. Up to this day, I still am.

Now, however, I am already capable of stepping back, looking at the bigger picture, and thinking of everything that transpired within my family. I realized that people act the way they do because of their own personal life journey and experiences. People opted to act or continue to act the way they do for a reason. Nobody is inherently bad. It's their situation that sometimes forces them to be one in order to survive, which is why we should always be kind. We should always give people the benefit of the doubt because each has fought or is fighting battle we know nothing of. Some are mean probably because they never knew how it felt to be loved, which is why she probably doesn't know how to give one also so be kind. Always try to understand.

·       School

Pre-school

Since my aunt was older than me by a few months, she had to enter school a year ahead of me. She was four then, while I was three, which makes me not qualified yet for admission. While my aunt left for school every day, I was left at home with my grandparents. Seeing my aunt in a uniform, with her school supplies, and doing her homework, I was envious so my grandfather "home-schooled" me. He bought me my own school supplies and taught me the same lessons my aunt was taking at the time. Furthermore, he would let me do the same set of take home work my aunt had, which is why at three years old I was already capable of reading and writing.

When I turned four, I was admitted in the same school as my aunt. I was in nursery while she was in the kindergarten level. Every summer, my grandfather would teach advanced lessons particularly in Mathematics. He was tough, passionate, and patient when it comes to teaching us. He observed strict discipline when it comes to our studies.

At four I could already add and subtract including those carry overs and borrow one's of addition and subtraction. I finished nursery as the first honor awardee and kinder as the second honor awardee. My school decided that I was too advanced for my age thus making me take an acceleration exam, which if I passed, would allow me to skip Prep level altogether and move up to the first grade immediately. Long story short, I did pass and so my aunt and I were suddenly of the same level and sometimes in the same classes.

Grade School

I attended the same school, Ecole de Mont Michel, for grade school.

Mont Michel is great school. Every year, the curriculum is advanced as compared to the other schools, which is why all their graduates enter only the best schools in the country or abroad. They employ an English only policy inside and outside the school grounds. Throughout our stay in Mont Michel, strict observation in refinement in actions and words were observed and implemented. For these reasons, Mont Michel commanded a high premium over other primary schools and it is also for the same reasons that politicians, celebrities, and other highly respected and influential people send their students here, and it is for the very same reasons that my mother made it a point that we attended Mont Michel.

When I was in pre-school, I guess the reason I excelled was because of my grandfather's focus in teaching us. However, when I entered the first grade, he passed away. My grandmother didn't have the skills to teach us or guide us through our lessons so she got us a tutor. However, given our difficulties financially, she had to cut it and we had to study on our own. Given the liberty to do whatever I wish to do with the time which I'm supposed to be using for school work, I often opted to just watch TV or play, thus causing me to be remiss with my school requirements, which is why teachers were often on my case. Despite this being the case though, I still got higher grades than my aunt and having a mentality that I am in a competition with her and knowing that I used to be an honor student, I was so sold in the idea that I am intelligent or smart.

As I move through the levels though, I discovered that a lot more people are more intelligent than I am. For some reason, rather than striving harder to be as good as them, if not better, I resorted to using the absence of a guide at home. It was more convenient. I guess at the time, Id' rather think that they're better than because I never really try than actually trying and proving they really are better.

Being the naturally sociable person that I am, I focused more on trying to win friends than getting good grades. When you're in that age, I guess everyone just really wants to fit in. However, given the disparity in social status between me and everybody else, it was just a struggle.

In Mont Michel, groups pick who's in and who's out based on the brand of their things, their physical looks, the intelligence, and talent. All of which I didn't have, which is why I did everything just to fit it even it meant getting into fights and doing stupid things. I did everything to please them and I tried so hard to be just like them.

As a child, I formed the impression that in order for one to be accepted and be perceived as "cool", he or she has to look good and that meant in terms of the physical and in terms of people's perception of you and that would entail being the best student in class, being talented, and even with the things you have.

High School

My family didn't have the means to continue our education in Mont Michel anymore, which is why I landed in UST for high school. Why UST? Well, it's one jeepney ride away. It was also a private school and a good school for that matter at one fourth the price of Mont Michel. At that time, Mont Michel was charging a hundred grand for high school freshmen, whereas UST's tuition fee was only about Php24,000. So yup, that's a no brainer.

Because of my experiences and struggles to fit in back in grade school, I think I have mastered the art of being that "cool" person I had in mind. I made sure I looked good all the time, had the most expensive looking (mind you, just expensive looking) things, and made sure I was always at the top of the class. Knowing that Mont Michel provided us with excellent and advanced education made me confident that I am the smartest in my class. Well, to give the school enough credit, they really gave me a great advantage in UST and was indeed one of the smart kids in class if not the smartest.

For coolness and popularity's sake, I also forced myself to be good in dancing and singing for talent's sake! (haha) Perhaps because of all these things, I did have friends instantly. Because of this, I did loosen up and learned to become warm. I was relieved that finally, I didn't have to do crazy things just to fit it.

Thankful of the new friendships I found and appreciative of it knowing how difficult fitting in was for me in grade school, I knew how to value and take care of my friends. This has become more so when my family situation got worse and worse by the day. I spent more time outside my home thus my friends becoming my family. I experienced going to different places and doing different things with my mere Php100 daily allowance. I had to either starve myself to death or make money out of something just so I could do the things I want to do.

As I enjoyed the company of my friends and having already proven that I am smart, I went back to being a complacent student and all I ever did in high school was to enjoy the company of my friends. I didn't even have any plans for what I want to take up in college and what I want to do with my life.

College

In our university, if you are a graduate of their high school, you are automatically admitted to any course of your choice provided you achieve a minimum average of 85%, which I did.

Having made no plans and having no idea what career I want to push through with, I opted to take Business Administration. My grandmother was disappointed because at that time, Nursing was the thing as if those who graduate from it instantly become millionaires. Oh well.

So I did take up Business Administration. Why? Simply because my grandmother didn't want me to. Come the time I was required to decide which field I wanted to major in, I had no clue. Everyone wanted to be in Accountancy because it was an in demand skill in the business industry so I just went with the flow. Plus, my mom told me to take up Accountancy like she did so I considered it.

For us to get in the program, we were required to pass a qualifying exam. I took the review classes and studied like I have never studied before. However, I guess because I didn't really see myself becoming an accountant, all lessons went in my head but not in my heart. In short, I memorized rather than understood. During that time, I also experienced my first heart break thus causing me to lose focus, lose sleep, lose appetite, and thus causing me to fail the qualifying exam.

Because of this, I ended up taking Financial Management, only because I thought it was the closest thing to Accountancy. I had no clue about all these fields so I was like picking through a dart board. Plus, everyone was taking Marketing because they thought it was easy, so me being me, I took the road less travelled and chose the more challenging one.

I still didn't see myself in the Finance industry so I took my studies for granted. In fact, I didn't even see myself working period. And so I went back to my old ways. My classes were from 7 am to 11 am. After that, I'm free. I'd normally spend the rest of the day hanging out in the streets of Dapitan with my friends often drinking and smoking. Sometimes it got so bad that we'd start drinking by 1PM and end very late at night thus causing me to fail coming to class on time the next day. I often missed my first period classes.

Because of my worsened ways in college, my situation at home got from worse to worst. My grandmother stopped giving me allowance and stopped taking care of my needs including doing my laundry, cooking food, and ironing my clothes. A few times I even got kicked-out of our house thus forcing me to crash in friends' places and find a way to make money, eat, and continue going to school.

Despite this being my ways in college, I still managed to get really good grades. I don't know how but I really did. Eventually I was able to graduate college. I didn't learn anything except for the rules of the streets and the realities, struggles, and the practical ways of life. I was a few days fresh of being 20 years old.

How did my school environment shape me?

School exposed me to different kinds of people thus ultimately molding me into a highly sociable person. Because of my eagerness to fit in, I was able to develop a high degree of ability to adapt to different personalities. In Filipino, natuto akong makisama and because of this, I gained a lot of friends along the way. My friends introduced my to a whole new world far from what I've been accustomed to at home and in Mont Michel.

Because of my rebelliousness, I was often thought to be a fun-loving person which my friends loved. I loved the feeling of being wanted and geeting the approval of those around me so I stuck up the being the fun-loving and adventurous person that I am. I was up for anything and everything which I deemed to be fun and exciting.

Because of this personality that I developed in high school, my relationship at home went from bad to worse to worst. My grandmother kicking me out of the house forced me to learn how to survive on my own. I learned how to be resourceful in order to survive everyday, cater to my own needs, while still being able to carry on with school. These moments are among the few times I was thankful for not having been sheltered and spoiled by some motherly love. These moments are among the few times I was thankful for turning into the guarded, distrustful, and shrewd person that I came to be, and  it is in these moments that I was thankful for having been accustomed to a harsh and tough household because it is in these moments that I realized that the world is much crueler, colder, and harder world than I thought. Ultimately, it is in these moments that I was able to realize that in the real world, there really is nobody I can count and depend on, but myself.

·       Work Experience

Megaworld Corporation

Even as I graduated college, I still didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. All I knew was that I wanted to get a job instantly and earn immediately out of college to prove to my family and my relatives I'm that good. 2009, the year I graduated, was a post-recession period thus making employment a huge challenge for a lot of the graduates.

I initially applied for Haagen Dazs as Key Accounts Specialist. I knew nothing about the post. I just applied only because my friend told me the pay was good and that we get to have our own car. It sounded appealing to me for showing-off's sake. I didn't get the job.

My next interview was with IBM as an off-shore payroll officer. I didn't know anything about IBM too much less about being a payroll officer. I just applied because even as a fresh graduate, the entry level pay was at Php30,000 gross. Not a lot of my peers were getting that much at the time. I also didn't get the job.

My next interview was with Megaworld. By this time, I was already two months out of college and I was getting pressured. I was offered a fancy sounding position as Accounts Management Specialist and was told they only hired people – good looking people from schools like UP, Ateneo, DLSU, and UA&P. Being the immature and mayabang person that I was, I took the job.

I wasn't paid much and the nature of the job was unbelievably stressful enough to make me dream about my work and wake up in the middle of the night thinking of the pending tasks I failed to deliver. I could have left within the first few months, but the people I established friendship with stopped me from doing so.

My Megaworld stint was just like an extension of college. We were all young, which is why all we ever did every after work was to go out and party. It was so bad that I often went to work three times a week or almost half the day everyday. Despite this, I was still being commended for exceeding my targets. I thought to myself, I've been winging practically everything in my life and despite my happy-go-lucky ways, I still manage to end up being an achiever. My confidence on my abilities were built on all the wrong foundations.

After eight months, the stress of the work was taking its toll on my health. As much as I loved the people I worked with, I just could no longer stand the job itself so I opened myself to other opportunities.

Argosy Corporation

In December of 2009, I was invited for an interview with a private equity firm, Argosy Corporation. They were looking for Marketing Specialists who would market a mortgage originated in-house financing product. I just came to the interview to hear out what the job was about. However, after the first round of interview, I was asked to wait and was immediately scheduled for an interview with the president. I was hired on the spot and was offered a Management Trainee post rather than the original Marketing Specialist that was discussed. I was asked to decide right on the spot otherwise the offer was off the table. I was initially hesitant, but then I thought, nothing can be worse than my current job so, leap of faith, I signed on the spot.

However, since it was practically a start-up venture, marketing the untested product was unbelievably challenging. I posted no sale and blamed it on the unattractive features of the product. I also wasn't enjoying the job and was never really into sales so after eight months, I quit again.

I quit only because I didn't want it anymore. I quit because I was confident I could get another in an instant the same way Argosy wanted me on board on the spot.

At that point in my life, everything was falling apart. My then boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend, all my friends turned against me because of stories which I told either my then boyfriend or best friend being exposed, my family relationship worsening when I thought it can't get any worse, careers which did not give the glam and fulfilment I was looking for, and then now I was jobless. I remained so for about a year.

As I was looking for a job, I asked one of my former officemates if he knew anyone who could help me find a job. He sent my CV across to some of his friends and fortunately, one of them forwarded it to someone in Metrobank and that person forwarded it to someone in First Metro Investment Corporation.

First Metro Investment Corporation

The day came when I was finally scheduled for an interview with First Metro. After the interview, I was informed that the position being filled is as a Treasury Marketing Associate whose primary task is to trade and distribute fixed income securities. I did not know anything about finance or securities or investments, but given the difficulty I had to go through trying to look for a job, I just said yes I can do it, out of leap of faith. Next thing, I was being told the post was going to be in Cebu. They were opening a satellite office in the region so they are looking for someone who will pioneer and man the office. At first I was reluctant, but with everything that's going on in my life, with everything falling apart right before my very eyes, I thought I could use the opportunity to start my life all over again – clean slate; so, out of leap of faith, I again, said yes I will take the offer.

Having no background and not knowing anything about the dynamics of the industy, I was always mocked and bullied by the seniors in my group. I was often told that I can never make it through the internal revalida, the licensure exam, the certification program, and the job itself. Being the proud person that I was, I often fought back. However, they're treatment of me only got worse because of that to the point that I'd go home crying everyday during my first month.

Once again, I struggled to fit in. I tried to change myself just so I could get along with everyone, but the traders' culture is just so nasty that I couldn't get to actually immerse myself. No matter what I did, someone just ends up not being happy so I resigned to the fact that I cannot please everybody. I told myself that so long as I am not doing anyone any harm, then I shouldn't worry of what people thought of me. I decided to just be myself, treat everyone with kindness, and just focus on the job to the best of my abilities. Eventually, people started to warm up with me. It was at this point that I learned that for as long as I am not stepping on anyone, I should not wory because I can never control how people think. I can only control how to react and manage these kinds of people. After all, what they do and say says a lot more about them that it does about me. How I react to them is what will say a lot about me.

So I just focused on work. Admittedly, I had a hard time understanding the technicalities of the job. I found myself regretting not ever taking my studies seriously because I felt they were wondering if I really am a Finance graduate. Once again, I was dragged to the ground and stripped off of whatever pride I had left. I took every harsh word and degradation as as challenge. I pulled myself together and did everything I could to learn everything and prove them wrong. I observed how the best employees did their jobs. I asked a lot of questions and studied until the wee hours of the morning to learn what I had to learn. On my third month, I was scheduled for the panel revalida. Prior to the session, the meanest senior officer even mockingly told me, "it was nice meeting you". This was to insinuate that there's no way I would pass the oral exam which means I will not be regularized. Throughout this particular challenge, I sought the guidance of God. I prayed that he guides me through the challenges and to send me a miracle. Soon after the revalida, the whole panel congratulated me for passing.

After this test, I was required to take the SEC licensure exam and the Ateneo CCE Treasury Certification Program. I took everything seriously and passed both on the first take, which was quite a feat considering I was a newbie in the industry and I was one of the few people in the group to pass on the first take. I was eventually put on the job and was able to exceed expectations.

After six months, I received my first promotion and was soon deployed to pioneer First Metro's Investors Center. In Cebu, I was exposed not just to fixed income securities, but also to all the different kinds. At an early age of 22, I was talking to high net worth individuals about where to invest their money and actually giving them good returns.

When talking to these kinds of people and especially as a 22 year old, confidence is definitely key to being a credible adviser. In order to be confident enough in what I'm talking about, I took two other licenses with the Securities and Exchange Commission, and again became one of the few first take passers.

After two years of being in Cebu, I decided it's time for me to go back to Manila. I talked to our president about it and was offered a post in the Investment Banking Group. I was ecstatic because it was my dream job for the longest time. Everything that happened in my life evetually made sense as it brought me to where I am now, no other place I'd rather be.

How did my work experiences shape me?

                 

In my short span of 6 years of being in the corporate world. I am blessed to have experienced everything at such an early point in my career. I believe one of the most important lessons I learned is how to value my livelihood. When I was jobless and couldn't get a job for almost a year, I realized that I should be appreciative of what I currenty have because no matter how menial the tasks are and no matter how small the pay was, my lack of interest in the work shouldn't be an excuse to take my work for granted as it is it provides me with the means to survive life.

Had I not learned this lesson, I probably would have quit First Metro during my first month with all the bullying and difficulty in the job itself.

In First Metro, it's been insinuated so many times that I am not good enough. Because of that, I took it  upon me to prove them wrong. I became focused, determined, and driven to prove them wrong. I learned how to learn and eventually I did prove them wrong. Because of tht, I realized that no matter how difficult a task may be and no matter what people say, if I just put my whole heart and mind into something I want to achieve, I could succeed. I learned the meaning of being goal-oriented.

One achievement to another proved that whatever I think, I become and that whatever I want to achieve, I can achieve. I became ambitious, but not to a fault. I just learned how to build stretched goals and stretched dreams knowing I can be anything I want to be with hard work and passion.

Having all this in mind and knowing what I am capable of, I gained a new kind of confidence. This time, one that's built on strong and proven grounds.

II.     Internal - Your values, strength, weakness and how do they affect on how you decide to act?

All my experiences unveiled what I am truly capable of. It is through these experiences that I have been aware of my strengths and weaknesses which I wrote on my Learning Agreement.

Strengths

·       Guided by a personal mission and vision

-        I believe my most important strength is that I have a personal mission and vision which I am guided by and passionate about. Everything I have gone through in life has allowed me to form a personal advocacy which serves as my guiding light. It gives me focus and direction.

·       Driven and ambitious – Eager for continuous self-improvement

-        One of the best challenges from me is proving I can do and learn anything if I put my whole mind and heart into it. I always want to be a valuable and essential asset which is why I always try to learn as much as I can. If there is something I do not know, I make sure I learn it. I simply want to be the best.

·       Aware of my weaknesses and limitations

-        Awareness and ability to acknowledge my weaknesses and limitations is another strength which I consider important because I believe that this allows me to address and do something about these and potentially converting them into strengths.

Weaknesses

·       Cycle: Insecure, Competitive to a fault, Tendency to be a perfectionist, Control freak

-        Because of my awareness of my limitations, I also have the tendency to be insecure. And it is because of my insecurities that I am competitive as I find comfort and confidence in proving that I am capable and that I can compete. Because I am competitive, I do have the tendency to be a perfectionist. I try to control every step of a process in order to get the results that I want. Sometimes though, there are things that are out of my control and things don't go as I planned them and how I want them. When this happens, I get distracted and lose focus. I easily feel incompetent which a lot of times causes me to be demotivated.

Values

·       Life's lessons were taught to me in the hardest ways possible. Among the things that I have learned, the values of humility, hard-work, perseverance, and compassion are the ones I treasure the most.

How do they affect on how I decide to act?

·       Knowing my strengths and weaknesses allow me to be aware of what I need to improve on and what I can leverage on for self-development.  Furthermore,

III.   How do they prepare you for your future challenges?

·      I believe being aware of my strengths and weaknesses is already having won half the battle. Knowing my strengths, I can further develop and strengthen them in order to gain more advantage.

·       Knowing my weaknesses, I will be able to work on myself to improve on them and hopefully turn them into strengths as well.

·   My values make me confident that whatever challenges I encounter in the future, anything is possible with hard work and perseverance. With these, I can achieve anything I wish to achieve and with the value of humility, I am well aware that I cannot do everything on my own. I will always need the help of a lot of people, which is why compassion is one strength I can consider as it will help me become more effective as a leader knowing how to feel with the people around me.

What are the new learnings?

My learnings in everything that transpired in my life can be perfectly summed up by a quot from Charles R. Swindoll.

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, a home. The remarkable thing is we have choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past.. we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the same string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in our attitudes."

I learned that every challenge is teaching us something and is preparing us to play a larger role we are destined to undertake in the future. Ultimately, challenges make us better persons. It may not make sense at the moment, but one day, we will be thankful everything happened the way they did because ultimately, we are what we are because of all these seemingly senseless life burdens.

As C.S. Lewis once said, "Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different..."

No matter what we go through, everything will eventually make sense. Everything happens for a reason.

What is the relation to what I already know?

Even the smallest and seemingly uneventful moments in my life molded me into the type of leader that I am now. I believe I was able to develop a high degree of emotional intelligence which, as Daniel Goleman has laid out in this article "What Makes a Leader", is equally important, if not more in today's world than technical skills.

I honestly believe that my developed self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills in entirety, will make me a highly effective leader in any organization.

What have I done, am doing, will be doing for this topic?

I embrace each day with open arms and look forward to life's challenges. I consider them a blessing knowing that they are only bound to make me a better person.

I have been very open with my life. I continue to share my life story to inspire people especially those who feel hopeless. I try to teach people the value of humility, hardwork, perseverance, and compassion, among other things. I try to give them hope by reiterating that everything happens for a purpose and that everything is meant to make them better people who are destined for greater things.

My experiences and how they've molded me into this genuine person that I am helps me create that positive impact on people's lives.