CEBU REGIS LEADERSHIP GENOGRAM by Leader Leonard Castañeda

My Genogram

GRANDPARENTS

Father's Side

No information available

I do not even know their names. I do remember my father telling me that he was in high school when they died. They were very poor and could barely afford to send their children to school. They hail from Imus, Cavite, and according to my father, our family started from a Spanish priest who apparently could not keep his vow of celibacy.

Mother's Side

HILARION "LARIO" GAITAN GALLENTES (+)

My grandfather was born on February 2, 1922, and was an Ilonggo from the island province of Guimaras. he was a teenager during the second world war. I remember him telling me how Japanese soldiers once forced him to carry their supplies and officers across the river. He migrated to Mindanao with his wife in the 1960, when my grandmother was assigned as a school teacher in Pagadian City. There, being only a high school graduate, he worked as a humble clerk in our provincial capitol of Zamboanga del Sur until his retirement in the early 80's. He was the 6th of 7 siblings (Ambrosio, Lorenza, Lucia, Florencio, Silvestra, and Aniana), all of whom, except one, I have never met, since I have never been to Guimaras. He died of old age in 2000.

MARIA SOCORRO "CORRO" GASTIL GALLENTES (+)

Born in September 17, 1920, my grandmother came from Iloilo and was a schoolteacher. She was teaching in Iloilo when she first met her husband. Soon after they got married, they left for Pagadian City in Zamboanga del Sur, where she taught in one of the public elementary schools. In their time, you only needed two years of college to teach, but this was changed around the time when my mom was in high school, so around that time, both of them went to school together.

No one impressed on me the value of education more than my grandmother, who, despite their meager income, managed to send all her children to college.  My grandmother taught me to read at a very young age, and because of this, I was considered good enough to skip kindergarten and go straight to first grade at the age of 5. She was my first tutor in everything, and I also remember her teaching me my first Bible verses. She would always bring me to church and leave me in Sunday School with other children. She had only one sibling, ALEJANDRA GASTIL BUCOG (+), who was also an elementary school teacher. She died in March 2004.

All of my grandparent's children are working, of have worked, in government, like their parents. My mother's siblings are:

LILLIAN GALLENTES, has a BS Business Administration, major in Marketing degree from Mindanao State University, used to work in the Development Bank of the Philippines and the Department of Trade and Industry.

NELSON GALLENTES, a BS Forestry graduate of  Gregorio Araneta Universtiy, works in the Bureau of Immigration.

LINA GRACE GALLENTES-BARBASO, a Psychology major from Silliman University, is an administrative officer in the provincial government of Zamboanga Sibugay.

PARENTS

PEDRO 'PETE" LOPEZ CASTAÑEDA (+)

My father was a working student who lived with his aunt and uncle in San Juan after his parents passed away. They agreed to take him in, but could not promise him a college education. He then worked in various jobs, from messenger to kargador in the Manila pier, while at the time studying Accountancy in the University of the East. He told me that he used to study under a truck during their breaktime, and that he flunked the board the first time he took it because he was often too tired to seriously study. He had various jobs until he got a break with Pilipinas Shell, Inc., where he served as company comptroller. He was also assigned to their operations in Nigeria for a while. He left Shell in 1987 and started a couple of small businesses. Aside from being one of the top executives of his company, he was a boxer, a chess player (with national master rating, according to him) and a 2nd-dan black belt in Karate. He died on June 28, 2001 from cardiac arrest after completing a 10 km jog with boxers in training at the Elorde Gym in Parañaque. One of the reasons why I chose Ateneo for my MBA was because he too finished his MBA in Ateneo ( batch '79). <that was when I finished my MBA academics at de la Costa, ka batch ko?>

LIBBY GASTIL GALLENTES

My mom was the first of four siblings (Lilian, Nelson and Grace) and was one of the youngest to graduate from college (18). Her first job was as an instructor in Mindanao State University, her alma mater (AB English) where students would court her, since she was just about their age. She later took up her master's in English Literature in UP Diliman.

Most of her jobs involved writing, which is why she eventually became a speechwriter in the Office of the President under then President Corazon Aquino. She also served under FVR, but opted out during the term of President Estrada, and eventually joined the staff of then VP Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo. EDSA II saw GMA installed as president, and my mother joined her staff as senior speechwriter, and eventually becoming promoted as Assistant Secretary and head of the Speechwriting Group. In 2010, she was one of the recipients of the Presidential Order of Merit for outstanding public service.  <wow>

I have no siblings.

FAMILY ENVIRONMENT

I grew up with my maternal grandparents, having been shipped to Mindanao when I was 6 months old. My grandmother ran the house and was my biggest influence when I was growing up. Academic achievement was strongly emphasized and rewarded. We were poor, but my grandparents met all my needs and some of my wants. Being the only child at that time, I was the center of attention and the recipient of most gifts. I did not meet my father until much later, and all I had then were a few old pictures with him as a baby, but he would send a monthly allowance for my needs. My mother was very career-oriented, so there was little time for her to take care of me in the typical "motherly" sense. What she did teach me, though, is to be tough, to stand on my own two feet, to get up after falling down, and to never give up if I believe that my cause was just. 

WHAT IS THE NEW LEARNING?

Making a genogram of a broken family, or in this case, one that was never whole in the traditional sense, was difficult. I could not get information on one whole side, but more than that, it awakened emotions I thought were long gone. In the long run, I do see that my strongest overall influence was really my mother, who taught me at an early age to express what I felt. My writing and speaking skills were obviously from her. Unfortunately, we also share the same temperament, and tend to be impatient with the "slowness" of others and short-tempered when frustrated. Delving into the past allows one to process not only information but feelings, including deeply buried feelings, towards people and past events. This can be either a source of resurgent bitterness of a step towards healing and forgiveness. I chose the latter, trusting that God would enable me to accept and forgive.

WHAT IS THE RELATION OF THIS TO WHAT I ALREADY KNOW?

It is an achievement of sorts for me to see that my family is together, and I am blessed to have a complete, loving and supportive family. We don't have much, but we're together. That's more than what many others can say, and what money can't buy. And for that, I am profoundly grateful. A person may deny it with all his heart, but when a family is broken, there is something that dies in the heart of each one who is affected, particularly the children, and I am proud to say that my children have  experiences that other kids take for granted, like having fun, going to church, attending school programs, malling, studying, and going to sleep with their dad - simple joys that their father never experienced from his own dad.

Growing up in the province, amidst "complete" families, was difficult because my own setup was not "normal." To their credit, my friends, and their families, never made me feel out of place or different, and I never felt rejected because I was born out of wedlock. Nonetheless, being in graduations, school programs, Christmas parties, and seeing other kids with both parents in tow made me feel that I was missing out on something. 

What have I done, am doing, will be doing for this topic?

I believe that success begins at home. Despite whatever accolades or promotions one achieves in business or in the corporate world, they will never be a substitute for being a failure as a husband, a father, and a leader in your own home. For this reason, I will do my best to balance my responsibilities in and outside our home. This should include deliberately making time for my children, because ultimately, as the head of the family, I am responsible for their well-being. This is the biggest burden and the greatest challenge for me, because I must be to them what my own parents have not been for me. For a while that was how I defined myself, but my wife challenged me to go beyond that: rather than define myself according to my own personal losses, I should seek a higher standard: to be the parent that God would have wanted me to be. I am grateful for having wonderful in-laws, who modeled what it is to teach their children (and grandchildren) what it means to fear and love God, and to raise their children in a responsible way. Contrary to typical in-law jokes, I am truly blessed to have them as my second parents, because in them, I have found role models I could emulate.

All my experiences have also taught me to feel more empathy for others who do not conform to the ideal norm: single parents, struggling young couples, children born out of wedlock or with separated parents, and those with "complicated" relationships. As Stephen Covey counsels, I "seek to understand first, before seeking to be understood," and to look for ways so I could reach out, comfort, and counsel others who struggle through life. My experiences are far from unique, and therefore allow me to relate better for those who do not fit the picturesque stereotypes of "ideal" families.

My simple action plan in life can be summed up by the first 5 letters of the alphabet:

A - Accept everything. Past successes and past failures. Acknowledge your mistakes and forgive yourself. Acknowledge past wrongs that you have done, or that have been done to you, and learn to let go of bitterness

B - Believe that there's something more to life than this. Believe in future success. Believe that life's lessons have molded you to be a stronger person. Believe that all things work together for good to them that love God, and who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). It might not lead to success as the world defines it, but if it is done for God's glory, it will be true and lasting.

C - Commit yourself to doing the right things and doing things right. Take the step. Make the commitment. 

D - Do whatever it takes. Persist. Fall down seven times, but stand up eight. Be determined and resolute. Action is what differentiates commitment from mere daydreams.

E - Expect victory, because this will steel your mind and heart in the face of challenges.

Thank you.