MY REFLECTION NO. 2 (Elizabeth Anne Yturralde-Medina), sir I have opened up so many doors of my consciousness , it turned out to be a 7 page reflection paper. thanks so much for taking the time to read.
"WHAT SHAPED ME TO BECOME THE LEADER I AM NOW?"
1. External - what are family, environment school and work experience that shaped you today?
2. Internal - your values, strength, weakness and how do they affect on how you decide act
3. How do they prepare you for your future challenges?
Analysis of one's self is really hard at times because it opens up everything our fears, our sorrows, our pains and yet it is a very rewarding experience as well because we get to delve deeper into ourselves and somehow get to know ourselves even more. Our leadership course has opened so many doors for me; it has been quite a journey to self-awareness. It made me have a clearer perception of my personality, including my strengths, my weaknesses. My journey to self-awareness allowed me to understand other people and how they perceived me as well. The person that I have become is a mesh of all the external and internal factors that I have experienced and affected my life.
EXTERNAL
MY FAMILY
I have been blessed to get to know my roots because of the genogram assignment, it made me realize that I have been blessed with a big family with a rich history and a family that made me feel loved and nourished from the time I was born. My mother has always told me that I was an answered prayer, because after 6 years (from my brother) at 44 she had me. I was named Elizabeth after St. Elizabeth the mother of St John the Baptist as homage to being born to my mom at a late age. My mother Marietta was extremely engrossed and involved with her career, She is a workaholic, an achiever and she never liked being idle. She started her days early and went home late when I was younger I had some times when I felt really sad because my life was not the same as others. My mother never went to PTA meetings; she sometimes missed even my recognition ceremony days. There was a time when I was part of the highest honors in my batch and she couldn't make it to the awarding because of an emergency involving a car that was found. (She was car napped in the 90's held at gunpoint). I was never a child who complained much and I always understood her but sometimes of course I felt sad and wished she was with me during those proud moments. My father Ricardo was already sickly at those times so I had aunts who attended in her behalf. Looking back those were trying moments for me, I never felt alone because my Mother and father explained to me why they couldn't do things and why they couldn't be with me all the time. It has made me mature beyond my years and it molded me to become more flexible and understanding of other people's plights. My mother was working hard because she had to support the family and my father's constant visit to the hospital, dialysis at that time was very expensive and required trips to Manila. That is why I really admire my mother's strength and love for my father. My papa never made us feel that we were not taken cared of even with health issues he worked but he always makes sure that we are fed well, studied well and makes time to talk to us and always asks us about our day. My clear memories of him were the times when he sang beautiful songs hugging me tight. He passed away when I was nine but he remained in my heart forever. These experiences have helped me become who I am today. I want to be able to balance my career as a doctor and yet provide a loving and safe environment with my children. I try my best to go to all their PTC in school, activities despite the crazy schedule I sometimes have. I am luckier than my mom, because the pressures of working are slightly less on me since my husband Gilbert helps more financially than my father since my father was a government employee (city assessor), his earnings were just enough. My father also was financing the education of 3 nephews that is why my mother felt she had to work more.
ENVIRONMENT
I was an abused child physically by my caretaker of 9 years, I loved her dearly and I never told my mother. She would punish me, make me kneel in salt and monggo seeds, use a stick to hit me when I do not listen to her, I didn't tell on her because I wanted her to stay and she threatened to leave me if I told However when my father passed away my mother took a trip to Europe to join a Marian trip to Medjugorje, Lourdes. I stayed with an aunt when my mom was away for almost a month, I became close to them I told them about the beatings I get because I felt that love doesn't have to hurt anymore and I thought that I can also protect my older adopted brother Ferdie from getting beaten as well. My yaya was sent home and of course my mother was furious, she couldn't accept the fact that it happened in our home. I feel that experience has also strengthened me and also made me aware that bad things can happen and we need to step up and protect our self and others
My mother and father raised us in a home with a wonderful community wherein we were able walk safely inside the village and where everyone almost knew everyone. We almost knew all our neighbors and they became our family's friends. I am very lucky because I also believe that the people around us can also shape us to become who we are because of the influence we also get from them. My best friends (Des and Pia) were my neighbors, we met when we were in pre-school and we try to see each other at least every week or every other week until now. My mother is a devotee of Mama Mary and they held the block rosary every Monday going house to house. We were the only children who usually go to the block rosary, we prayed with them and played after. I believe that our friends have a big influence to how we will go through our lives because they will be there to advice us, and they are the ones where we will have our firsts. First gimmicks, first taste of alcohol and the like. That is why I feel that having a sound group with common interest for good is essential. During my college and during Medicine I was also blessed to have great set of friends. We made it a point to balance our studies, bonding and having fun but our priority was to finish school. These people have helped me become a well-rounded person, who is able to cope with the daily stresses of life.
SCHOOL/ WORK
Informal learning was just at home; my mother just bought me workbooks to start my learning at home, then my mother enrolled me directly in Kindergarten when I was 4 years old. I started my Elementary years in Holy Family Academy in Angeles City. It is a Catholic school run by Benedictine sisters. We were a number of students in a batch but I felt that the teachers were able to instill knowledge and discipline in our classes. I was always part of the honors in my elementary and High school years. When I was in first year High school, Mt. Pinatubo erupted. If you were to see the devastation brought about by the calamity you would think that there is no way that Angeles City could rise back from the ashes, literally Pampanga was in ruins, with frequent lahar flows and ash falls after it rains, our classes were frequently disrupted. My uncles and aunties from Manila persuaded my mother to transfer in Manila, I was hesitant because I will be away from my friends and I feared the new environment and fitting in. They wanted me to transfer in Poveda, an exclusive school for girls. I took the exam and I got in but at the last minute I told my mother to reconsider because I really want to stay in my school. She gave in with a condition that we will see how the situation of Angeles will be. With the grace of God Pampanga bounced back. The resilience and determination of the Kapampangans shined through all the debris and I think that experience made me value my education more. During my College and Medicine years in the University of Santo Tomas there were times that I felt so tired, overwhelmed with all the school work, my classes in my Med Tech Course were 7 am to 7 pm on my third year since we had a full load of 36 units because our last year is dedicated to Hospital rotations. These moments were trying moments for me, but they just happened so fast because of the support from my family and friends. Medicine was even more grueling, I noticed that my Manila bred classmates were more aggressive and eager to participate when we had our small group discussions. The students from provinces tended to be more shy and unsure but in time the daily grind sharpens you and the training that I got from UST was priceless. Being unprepared when we had our rounds is a clear suicide attempt because the professors who were doctors as well and residents who acted as our mentors can just chew your head off and give you numerous tasks and demerits. This trained me to be a fast thinker, analysis is always something that we had to think of and we had to make sure that what comes from our mouths were backed up by research or something that can be fully supported by books. We had to memorize everything about our patient, no cue cards no gadgets were allowed at that time. Histories, physical exam, medications, laboratories were learned and were memorized; being unprepared was really not an excuse. We had to learn our patient's data, our group mate's data as well because during presentations anyone can be called. The sleepless hours, the times when you had to find resources for patients assigned to you has made us compassionate healers and I think this has really trained me for my future as a Leader doctor it has taught me patience, ethics, virtues that cannot be only learned In the classroom. I think that is also my edge coming from a Catholic Teaching University.
That is why I decided also to try a different Institution for my Internship; I applied in Makati Medical Center. I wanted a more laid back and a private institution for my fifth year. It was quite different patients were more demanding but the doctors and residents were a little more calm but still taught us what they can about their different fields. I was able to hone my bedside manner here because of the more relaxed atmosphere learning was less stressful. It became clearer as well that I wanted to take up Pediatrics. I finished my Pediatric residency training in St. Luke's Medical Center. The experiences, the patients, my co residents, the staff there all made me become a better me. Patients there are demanding with a capital D. They expect the best and they want everything to be fast, efficient because they really expect everything to be world class. There are times when difficult patients, toxic patients can take a toll on me but at the end of the day I just shrug it off and place them as medals in my cap. I feel that when I can pacify them, cater to their needs, do my best to be a good doctor and serve my consultants, I feel rewarded and happy already.
When I started my practice in Angeles after taking a long hiatus to become a full time mother, I was a bit lost. I didn't know how to start, I had my friends but somehow it took me time to adjust. When I was in Manila I was given a driver all my needs were just given because my mother wanted me to have an easier time but of course when I got married I was on my own there was some support by my mother but of course it was not the same. I didn't know how to save I had no money to begin with since residency didn't pay much and I had a lifestyle that was immersed in shopping. I had to cut it all down because of course my husband cannot give those whims to me. He supported me but still controlled me to become a wiser shopper and to prioritize our family's needs. That has helped me to become a leader that is more focused and made me prioritize others also not only myself. With God's will my practice is picking up and I have been driving for 3 years the accomplishment is very invigorating and liberating.
INTERNAL
Values
My family has always instilled a good set of values, which I always put in high regard. In any event that these values are put to the test I believe that my background, my strong faith in God and my conscience has put me ahead. There are numerous decisions where it is tested and even great leaders are put to the test but I believe that decisions are made best when everything is put into perspective and dissected fully. It is like the wise King Solomon who was put into a test to discern which of the mothers was the real mother, his heart and his mind was put to good use and he made the right decision because he had a judgment that was enlightened well thought of and is based on love. I believe that a great mind is not enough to be a good leader; a heart full of love and a conscience is essential. The values that we have sets us apart and I believe better decisions are made when these are always considered.
Strengths
I believe that my strength is thinking of others before me, I cannot say that I am selfless because I am not a saint but I always make it a point to think of how others would feel and think. At times it becomes a disadvantage but I always feel that being kind and when we think of the greater good we always come out as a winner. I cannot say I am so strong, a superwoman at that but my calm and sunny disposition can uplift people and has helped me get through the roughest and toughest situations. My strength is not being perfect, my flaws my battle scars has made me a better and enriched person. My family is my light and my love for them makes me want to be a better leader and to achieve more. I always value relationships and I nurture them and take good care of them well. I handle stress with an open mind and heart and I try to deviate thoughts that will consume all my passion and energy. I believe that we are not given problems that are not solvable; God always has plans for each and everyone of us, sometimes he just wants us to think more, utilize our resources wisely seek help and reach out. In the book Heroic leadership the author Chris Lowney reveals the leadership principles that have guided the Jesuits for more than 450 years: self-awareness, ingenuity, love, and heroism. I truly agree with this because leadership not only entails success in our career there is also a different aspect that makes life more meaningful.
WEAKNESSES
My weakness is not being able to say No at times because of not wanting to hurt people's feelings, I want to be able to gain the strength of a leader to discern and put a fist down and say NO! It is really hard for me because I tend to be attached emotionally but I believe that there are times that it is really needed even if it pains me. I have taken some baby steps but I am slowly learning the process. My enneagram has showed that I am an achiever but the aspect of being cut throat and being too assertive is not me and I sometimes feel that I tend to settle more and become too comfortable so that I will not break the order of things. I feel at times that I am capable and yet there are fears. I hope to get to become a matured leader with more ambition and strength to face more challenging things ahead.
Time management also sometimes gets the best of me, being a mother to 3 growing children (a 6 year old, a 5 year old and a another one turning 4), wife, pediatrician, with more responsibilities now to help my mother is really hard at times, now a student again. The daily grind gets hard at times, Especially since my husband is away at times to work in his restaurant in manila I need to look after my kids and become the driver mom to them, I feel so tired and spent at times but when I just look at my kids get my well deserved kisses and warm hugs from them I feel like I have renewed strength to do more things and to do it with more vigor.
HOW DO I PREPARE FOR FUTURE CHALLENGES?
All of these factors have really made me a better person, a leader in the making because I feel that I am still attaining and gaining my right to be called an authentic leader. My experiences, the people around me, the environment that I was exposed to have really molded me to become who I am now.
I feel that there was a need for something more to make me more equipped for future endeavors and I took up my MBA in Ateneo Graduate School of Business because I believe that the knowledge, the experience, the know how and teachings will make me prepared and able for future challenges that I will face. My mother is semi retired already and she is already asking for my help but before I really delve into it I wanted to be more experienced, mature and I feel that I needed a boost and even if I am only on my third subject my learnings, the experience the people I have met have helped me so much. It has opened more doors for me and is continuously molding me to be the best leader that I can be. I believe and I know that I am capable, my confidence falters and I need to remind myself that always that is my mantra. I believe in the quote that says that:
" If you are not willing to learn then no one can help you, If you are determined to learn then NO ONE can STOP you" and I believe that being a leader is empowering others as well. I truly believe in what John Quincy Adams (6th US president) states:
"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a LEADER!" 3.5
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