Reflection paper 2 leader Zel Catungal

REFLECTION PAPER 2

LEADER MARIZEL CATUNGAL

EXTERNAL AND INTERNAL FACTORS THAT SHAPED YOU INTO A LEADER

External- what are family, environment, school and work experience that shaped you today

Internal- your values, strength, weaknesses, and how do they affect on how you decide, act

How do they prepare you for your future challenges? 

EXTERNAL FACTORS: 

FAMILY AND ENVIRONMENT

            Since day 1 of our Leadership class, I shared in the class how I was considered a "Superwoman". Actually, the original "superwoman" is probably my mother. From my genogram, I mentioned she resented that she was not able to finish college. The reason during the old days coming from a poor family was that only the boys were privileged to enter college. But my mother would always tell me that she excelled in school. She was actually the batch mate of Mayor Oca Rodriguez of our town, however, she was not able to graduate from high school. Hearing her stories, even at young age, she instilled in us that education is the most important legacy they can give us. And she proved her point. My mother is a strong woman. Even she didn't reach college, she helped my father augment the family's income by selling various merchandise. She was very prudent on money; she showed us the value of hard earned money. Growing up, we were not exposed to material things; we seldom got new clothes, only during Christmas and birthdays. We were used to wear hand me downs from older siblings. We really didn't mind during those days. She was very religious. When I was a little girl, I would join her during novenas, prayer meetings, procession and other religious activities. I memorized all the mysteries of the Holy Rosary even as a young child. She also proved to be a good leader not only in our family but also in our neighborhood and in church. I probably got her leadership traits and her being strong willed and loving. She also has a generous heart. My cousins and other relatives always ask for her help and she never disappoint them.       

            We are lucky to have a very hard working father who really sacrificed most of his life abroad to give us a better life. However, the drawback was that we were not able to experience his presence during our growing up years. This had a great effect on my brothers since they lacked a "father" figure. They were hooked on alcohol and drugs during high school and those years I've seen my mother suffer. I would resent this and blame partly my father because he was not present for my brothers. Of course this would sound unfair, but I so thought that the girls were doing alright because my mother guided us. My father is strict, meticulously clean and very conscious of time. He appeared always serious but I was his favorite daughter. My siblings were usually afraid of him but I was not. I was always writing him letters when he was abroad, when he was home, I would always try to be with him. Parang "sipsip", but I was actually like that also with my mother. My father seldom gets angry at me. Now that he has retired, I'm still "sipsip" but this time, I provide for them. It is now my time to give back.

            Our parents were able to provide us basic needs and a beautiful house. Our first house was smaller and it was in a compound where my other cousins from mother side live. So growing up, we were closer with my mother's family. There were no computers or cellphone then, so I enjoyed playing in the streets with my cousins and neighbors. We were lucky to experience games such as "patintero", "taguan", "maro" and biking. I even knew then how to climb trees and my favorite merienda then was getting fruits of the "saresa" trees. While playing these local Pinoy games, I always lead my playmates, since I was taller than most children; we usually win especially during "patintero". We were also trained to help in household chores since we did not have household help that time. So at early age, I learned how to cook, laundry, clean the house and we had our own "assignments", I was in charge of cleaning the "sala" and wash dinner plates.

            My husband is the wind beneath my wings. God surely loves me since I was a little girl, I would include in my prayers that He would give me my true love and kind husband. I got this wish also. I would not have achieved all of my successes alone. My husband was there since day one I met him when I was 18 years old, I never had any other relationships since then. His love, perseverance and dedication helped me become a better person, faithful wife and the best mother I can be for our 4 children.

            Because of what I experienced growing up, I molded myself to excel in many ways. I wanted to have a better life. I wanted to finish school, I dreamt to be a doctor. Long time ago, I saw this movie starred by Maricel Soriano, and she had a line that went like this: "Ayaw ko ng putik, ayaw ko nag pangit, ayaw ko ng masikip!". These words kept wringing in my mind- they became my "mantra" growing up. I want better life, I want beautiful things, and I will become a better person. Simply put, I kept on achieving what I wanted and slowly I was able to reach what I dreamt as a young girl. Nobody said it was easy, nobody said it was impossible, but surely, just like what my parents hoped for, I was able to have a better life.

SCHOOL

            Because I wanted to have more in life, I became obsessed in school. Since preschool, I was excited to be in school. I pack my own things; we did not have nanny then. I only had one thing then, I will become a doctor. Nobody told me how to be one; nobody told me that it would take several years, that it would be a struggle mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. But because of will, enthusiasm and faith, I got through it. I was blessed and gifted mentally. Thank God and my parents' genes, I excelled in school. I graduated with honors, became class president, student leader, scout leader and even cheerleader. I had few close friends who up to now are my good friends and some are working and live abroad. Thanks to social media, we still keep in touch.

High school is quite difficult, although I graduated 3rd in class. Growing up as adolescent was not very easy. I was more of leader and "nerd" back then. Slowly, through the years, especially in college, I transformed, probably because of a different environment and different culture. I remember during our first high school reunion, most of my classmates did not recognize me. I was "ugly duckling" then and when they saw me again, I came out as a "beautiful swan".

       I tried my luck to have my specialty training in St. Luke's Medical Center. I came from Baguio; I just finished my Internship back then and just recovered from the lost of my first-born. I was with my friend then, we didn't have a "padrino" but we tried to apply in St. Luke's, all we had were our credentials and lots of guts. Out of 120+ applicants, we got accepted. Wow! This experience really boosts our confidence because we considered ourselves below the rest since we were "probinsyana taga bundok". Being in St. Luke's put me closer to my dream. One of my highlights being a leader was when I was appointed as Chief Resident. It was the first time that St. Luke's got a chief resident from school other than UST, UP, or UE. And the second time to have a female chief resident. I was reluctant at first to accept it since I was married and I was pregnant with my 2nd child. I talked to our chairman, Dr. Romeo Divinagracia, a well-known and respected cardiologist; he told me that I would be a good leader because they see me as "SUPERWOMAN". Wow, this changed me, it's like turning 360 degrees. I proved them right. Up to now, I think I still play the role. I shared this experience with this class; I am very elated that Prof Jorge even emphasized it. I see a lot of "SUPERMEN AND SUPERWOMEN" in class and I am always amazed in reading their life stories, much more even exciting than mine. I am humbled to know the journeys of these leaders and also our professor.

WORK EXPERIENCE      

            I started my private practice in 2003, I had nothing. I knew only one person, Dr Toledano, a nephrologist, who introduced me to the medical community. He helped me start practice and the rest was history. I started smoothly and progressively, being a specialist, and rare at that time (we were only 7 nephrologists then in Pampanga), I had a good start. I started saving for my family and for our house. However, after about 3 years of practice, I craved for learning, for mentoring. I applied at the Angeles University Foundation Medical Center since there is a Residency training program. I got involved in mentoring medical residents, soon, Dr Ed Timbol, chairman of the department back then, asked me to be the head of the Research committee, which I humbly agreed. I enjoyed teaching young colleagues and soon I was appointed the Training Officer. After 3 years of being training officer, I was appointed as Chairman of the department since the previous chair resigned and I was highly recommended. This was one of the highlights of my career as a leader. One of my tasks as department chairman is to improve the specialty board exam of the department since for several years, AUFMC performance was not satisfactory. With perseverance and dedication of my residents and with the training core, we were able to produce diplomates of Internal Medicine. Being chairman was not at all easy especially I had to squeeze in my meetings in between my very busy and toxic practice but, SUPERWOMAN nga eh, kinaya! Whenever I see my former residents who are now specialists and diplomates, I can't help but feel proud. This is the ecstatic feeling we have as a teacher and mentor. I believe a great leader is a great teacher/mentor.  

VALUES, STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES

            "If your efforts are sometimes greeted with indifference, don't lose heart! The sun puts a wonderful show at daybreak yet most people in the audience go on sleeping." – Anonymous

            When I was in high school, I used to write in a small notebook quotes I read from books. I also collected different colors of pen and write these quotes. I even had these small notebooks til college. The above quote is my favorite. I sometimes feel I did something good but not everyone appreciates it. So when I read this, I became humbled.   " Bat ba ako magrereklamo, ang daming maganda sa mundo, marami di man lang napapansin, tulad ng bukang liwayway". So I just do what is right, what pleases me, what benefits most people, even with no return praise and yes even with no "thank you". Even when I was in training, I kept my spirit high. Training for internal medicine then through Nephrology is not easy. It is one of the most dreaded training program just like surgery. We had sleepless nights, late meals, skipped meals, case reports, journal appraisal etc on top of our duty seeing patients in the hospital. I can say since I survived these ordeals, patience and a positive attitude became my strengths. So this making of the "Superwoman".

            I have weaknesses though, my "kryptonite". "Tao lang". This is sometimes a frequent line I utter when I experience "human", "napapagod din", "nagagalit din". I remember about 3 years ago, I was out for a week to attend an annual convention. My clinic was closed for a week, so when we resumed, I have so many patients waiting. I have 3 clinics and it has always been my policy that I see my patients in the clinic where they have their records because it would be difficult to retrieve their data from the other clinic, not unless of course patient has an emergent problem, I would see him immediately. So there was this patient who argued with my secretary that he wanted to see me but he has no record. My secretary mentioned the policy, anyway, he got pass through my secretary. I saw him not necessarily toxic, he just wanted to verify the medicine I gave him. Obviously I cannot answer him since I don't have his file. With some exchange of words and after explaining, I uttered "D po kasi ako computer". After a few weeks, I was summoned by the Administrator of the hospital, he received a complaint regarding me, that I was "arrogant and rude" and that I mentioned, "d ako computer". I admitted the incident, and I told him, yes, I got irritated, I felt disrespected and I am only human to react to such gesture. That incident made me realize things: sometimes we have to accept we are "superman", to increase our tolerance to anger, indeed, patients see their doctors as super beings. Now, whenever I encounter similar people, I take a deep breath, smile and admit that some of their questions I have no answer for the time being, maybe if they come back, I can give them better answer. 

How do they prepare you for your future challenges?

            When I dreamt to be a doctor, at young age, I wanted a better life. For my family and myself. I was focused on fulfilling my dream. Growing up with minimal material things but given the privilege to have a good education was more than enough. My family is not at all perfect. My father was a good provider but was a womanizer and I saw my mother being unhappy with this. Luckily, God gave me a husband I prayed for. I didn't want to have to suffer like my mother. When I was slowly having money of my own, I secured better life for my children. I didn't like them to experience the hardships I had, I provided many times more than enough. It is good my children value hard work. They never asked for more and remained simple compared to other kids.

            Now that I have achieved most of what I wanted as a kid, there seems to be lacking. I once had a mentor who explained life's journey as starting with struggle, survival, investment then legacy. I am almost done with the first three, the remaining LEGACY I have to fulfill. As Prof Jorge mentioned, the triad of leadership: Character, Competence and Purpose. My purpose in life is still incomplete. In doing my Enneagram, I am type 2 and 3, Helper and Achiever. I have achieved most of what I asked for, and more to come but I still wanted to leave a legacy. Being a doctor, we are natural healer and helper. It is now my legacy to extend this helping healer.  The road is there. Just like when I started in my practice, slowly but surely and then soar high.

            "Champions aren't made in the gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them- a desire, a dream, a vision." 4

                                                                                                -Muhammad Ali