Reflection Paper No. 2 by Leader Dr. Suzette K. Munoz

Good am Prof.  Sharing with you po my Reflection Paper No. 2.  

WHAT SHAPED ME TO BECOME THE LEADER I AM NOW?

Introduction:

Our Leadership class with Professor Saguinsin has truly opened my eyes to reflect upon what factors shaped my life today. Honestly, I have not really seriously and in depth pondered about this. Thank you for this leadership class and how it has been conducted because it helped me to new horizons and to still dream big even at my age now.

I am a mother of two children, Angelica (also a doctor who is on her 3^rd year Residency Training at Makati Medical Center) and Angelo (who will be graduating from B.S. Medical Technology at U.S.T). I am a practicing Obstetrician-Gynecologist affiliated with 5 private hospitals in Pampanga. I am a Fellow & Diplomate of the Philippine Obstetrical & Gynecological Society; a Fellow of the Philippine College of Surgeons, and a Fellow of the Women Surgeons of the Philippines. I am presently the President & CEO of the SFUC Group of Companies. I am the Director for Medical Services at the AUF Medical Center for 6 years now and the Head of the Department of OB-GYN of the Our Lady of Mt. Carmel Medical Center for the past 13 years. I am also a Board of Trustees of the Philippine Obstetrical & Gynecological Society – Central Luzon Chapter. And foremost, I am an Elder of Bread of Life Ministries Pampanga, and of course a servant-leader.  With all these responsibilities on my shoulders and for which I am all very active at, many have asked me, "Do I still have the time to sleep?" "Or do I ever sleep at all"? It is for you to guess, but of course, I do.  It is just a matter of time management. I was probably not satisfied yet! For believe it or not, I have also asked myself several times as to what made me at age 60 years old still enroll at the Ateneo MBA Regis Program. What was in it for me?

Defining My External Factors:

According to my readings, we can trace who we've become in this life to three types of external factors: 10 defining moments, seven critical choices, and five pivotal people.  Of course, in every person's life, there have been moments, both positive and negative, that have defined and redefined who we are. These defining moments entered our consciousness with such power that they changed the very core of who and what we thought we were.  A part of us was changed by these events, and caused us to define ourselves, to some degree by our experience of that event.  The critical choices are those that have changed our life, positively or negatively, and are major factors in determining who and what we will become. They are the choices that have affected our life up to today, and have set us on a path.  The pivotal people are those who have left indelible impressions on our concept of self, and therefore, the life we live. They are family members, friends, colleagues, co-workers, and their influence can also be either positive or negative. They are people who can determine whether we live consistently with our authentic self, or instead live a counterfeit life controlled by a fictional self that has crowded out who we really are.

Here is my journey towards leadership shaped by external factors:

I believe that from both my enneagram and genogram that I was primarily born a leader. From the day I was born on February 14, 1955 at a maternity hospital in Manila, looking back, I was already destined to be a leader.  My mother was rushed to the hospital in labor pains, and when she delivered her baby girl, the doctor was surprised that there was another baby girl that suddenly popped out after the first baby.  That was I, the 2^nd of the twins. It was never known that my mother was carrying twins at that time.  We were born prematurely with a birth weight of only 3 pounds, and we stayed in the incubator for one year.  Both of us twins lived and thus from the very beginning I already proved that I was meant to be a leader because I managed to lead myself out of my mother's womb, and I was a fighter because I survived the perils of prematurity. I knew from a very early age, 3 years old that I wanted to be a doctor. My mom had a friend doctor who would always visit the house and I would see her to be very well poised and with big jewelries. I remember asking my mom what she does and she said "doctor siya na nagpapaanak". From then on, I wanted to be an obstetrician-gynecologist like her because I want to be rich so that I will be able to help a lot of poor people. I was exposed to the many missions my parents were doing with organizations to provide for the less fortunate. That motivated me again to look at the big picture ahead of me. In my growing up years, during primary education, I could already see how I wanted to lead because at a very young age, I always wanted to be at the front of the line during flag ceremony, which I carried up to high school. I had to sacrifice taking the public jeepney from home to school and I would not ride with my siblings just so I could be at school early and most of the time I would even arrive earlier than the security guard who would open the gates of the school. In high school, I was in the top 10 though I dreamt to be in the top 3 during our 4^th year graduation. I didn't think it was possible because I was way behind the top 3 in class already.  An incident happened in my 2^nd year HS in my Oriental History class where my teacher during the end of our class forced me to dance, otherwise she will give me a failing grade.  I refused to follow because I didn't think it was right and being a woman of principle and conviction at that young age, I talked to her in person and we were able to settle the differences. She admired my guts and my principle and from then on we became friends and she became my mentor, who advised me to study harder and aim for my dream to be top 3 on graduation.  I worked so hard and motivated myself the more to catch up with my academics. I was being eyed to run for Student Council President, but I opted to remain as class president till 4^th year because I wanted to concentrate more on my studies. I graduated 3^rd Honorable Mention and not the top 3, but I was happy already and felt fulfilled because somehow even if I failed being in top 3, I felt more accomplished because I was instrumental in helping the students in the lower section pass the subject Geometry. I excelled in Geometry getting a perfect score in all written exams and oral recitations. I got so high a grade that many will fail the subject because the mean was too high because of my score.  The teacher asked me if I would agree to lower my grade so that many will pass if the mean was kept a little lower.  So my grade became lower that is why I missed the 3^rd place (1^st honorable mention) but I was able to help more students and that meant more to me. A very painful incident before graduation happened.  My favorite grandmother (mother side) passed away and that was the first death I have ever experienced in my life.  I was so very close to my "Apu" and I will never forget what she requested me when she was alive that when I will be a doctor already, for me to buy her a soft bed because she was just sleeping in a "papag" and so that I can cure her when she gets sick.  I wanted to go with her in the casket.  I was so down for quite some time and I even got angry with God for taking the most important person in my life.  But if I will just brood about this loneliness, I will defeat the dreams of my Apu for me, so I had to move on in my life and I just prayed for courage from God to help me rise up from this painful situation. This motivated me the more all through my college years, where I graduated cum laude in B.S. Med-tech at UST and I graduated Doctor of Medicine also from UST with flying colors. And passing the Medical Board Exams added more wonders in my life.  All these were defining moments that reared me to be a better person.

During our younger years up to mid college, our family was quite affluent with many businesses.  They said we were born with a silver spoon.  My parents gave us everything we needed, but in spite of our status, I kept my feet on the ground. I did not allow our family status even if we were very much respected and influential to get to my head. On the contrary, I even tried hard to behave righteously because I wanted to preserve and uphold the reputation and dignity of the Kabigting family. My mom taught us how to do household chores for our own benefit and she instilled in our hearts to treat everyone as our co-equal even with our household help.  They have to eat the same kind of food we eat, and that was an order in the house. Seeing both my parents become presidents and leaders of various religious and civic organizations inspired me to be a good leader someday, and I know I have started to achieve this leadership potential during my secondary education. I even dreamt really of becoming the President of the Philippines, but I am sure that this was not God's plan for me because when I attempted to run for Vice-Mayor of San Fernando, Pampanga, I suddenly developed bouts of loss of consciousness secondary to transient ischemic attacks at the last filing day in the Comelec.  At that day, I was admitted at the hospital.

Our businesses which were all managed by my dad, eventually got bankrupt because of mismanagement during our early college years. My dad's wrong concept of generosity also contributed to the downfall of our businesses because he practically gave everything to his friends and he was embarrassed to collect from them their debts to our companies. We owned trucking, poultry and piggery, gasoline stations and a farm, but all were wasted and it was too late to recover them. During medical school for which tuition was very high especially that we are twins taking up medicine, my mom's meager salary even if she was Head of the Agricultural Credit Administration was not enough to sustain our needs.  They did not have any savings because my dad was "very maluho," and my mom couldn't control him. We had to tighten our belts.  That was when Mom told us to really study harder because it is only our education that they could leave to us as their legacy and we had no properties anymore except our house and lot.  Mom sacrificed a lot and through the help of my 4^th sibling who was already a stewardess at that time helped with our tuition fees. My dad still goes to gambling and casino and every time we needed to pay our tuition fee, he wins.  I was able to compare our lives when we were still rich and when we just had enough, and this all the more prompted me to win in life.

I dreamt of being accepted for OB-GYN Residency in UST which up to now is one of the prestigious institutions we have.  Out of 200 applicants applying for only 4 available 1^st year slots, I emerged victorious as I was one of the 4 accepted after rigid written and oral exams and interviews.  This was a great accomplishment for me.  After 4 months of residency at UST, I decided not to continue my training because I could not tolerate the hierarchy system.  I tried my best just to accept it knowing that this is being practiced in practically all training institutions.  But again, I live by my conviction, and I cannot accept that.  Secretly, I applied for residency training at the US Air Force Medical Center Clark for which there were 50 applicants for one position, for which again after written exams and interviews, the selection was cut down to 2 applicants. By God's grace, I was the one accepted even if my very close rival was a magna cum laude of FEU. I was honest in telling the Training Officer of the US Air Force my reason for leaving UST. That was in October 1981 and I was asked to report for residency January 1, 1982 as that was the start of the training for all subspecialties. I don't like 3 months to be wasted so I approached the Department Head and Training Officer and told them that I would like to start as soon as possible even if they won't give me salary for the 3 months prior to January 1.  I persevered in my proposal and finally they agreed.  Even if I was not legally in yet as a resident, I performed to my utmost. If our training starts at 6 AM and ends at 4 PM, I would be at Clark hospital from 4 am everyday to make rounds and I would leave everyday at 7 pm. I wanted to make sure that our department was very organized and that all patients are cared for properly. Our department head and training officer saw this and they started giving me salary already. I had a good rapport with all my co-residents from the different departments, and I was appointed resident's representative by the Director for Medical Services, and all problems of the different subspecialties were coursed through me. It was a fruitful 3 years residency and I never regretted having transferred here from UST because US Air Force Medical Center Clark was very well equipped with top of the line equipment/s which are not even available yet in the big institutions in Manila.  I did not expect to have been trusted this much by the Medical Services Office, by my co-residents and even the Department Heads and Training Officers of the different departments.  I just did my part.  I had to leave for the USA already before the end of February 1986 for my immigrant status. Graduation was set for June 1986 because that will be the time the other residents will be finished in the training.  But they did not want to have the graduation without me, so without much further ado, the graduation rites was advanced to February so I could be there, and the other residents had to just go back to their posts till June. I could not believe these American doctors would do this, but they did.  That was also a very defining moment because that proved the sincerity of my leadership that it touched their hearts. I was humbled by this and again the more I was determined and motivated to still continue to excel but keep my feet to the ground and not let laurels and honors get to my head.

My life in America for 5 years was also fruitful.  I never intended to apply for a residency there because I had no real plans of living there for good.  I just wanted to enhance my training as an OB-GYN so I tried to apply for a preceptorship program even if I know it would be difficult because I did not take the USMLE exams which is needed for further training in America.  But again, God was so good to me for giving me the wisdom and the courage to take the challenge of applying.  Believe it or not, I only searched the phone directory for OB-GYN consultants I could approach. I went to 8 doctors whose practice was within the vicinity of where I lived, but I was rejected.  I did not lose hope. I continued to persevere in searching until I came across Medical Center for Women, an institution with 6 OB-GYN consultants in group practice. I set an appointment to meet with Dr. Roger Schlesinger, who eventually became one of my best mentors, and presented myself as a Doctor from the Philippines and finished residency at the US Air Force Medical Center Clark.  He was impressed with my credentials, but I was asked for a malpractice insurance of $ ! Million. I was honest in telling him that I could never raise that money and that the only money I had when I went to America was $ 500 and that I was not working and not even my family in the US can afford to lend me that.  I begged him and told him he will not regret accepting me as a preceptor as I have a big passion being an OB-GYN and that I will be a big contribution to their institution. I told him they did not have to pay me a single centavo for my time as the training itself that I will get from them is much more than enough.  I think I got into his heart and so he said he would have to present my case to the Board of Directors and for the malpractice insurance be waived and that they will be the one to shoulder it.  Again, by God's grace, I got the preceptorship, and again I had to really work triply hard to gain their trust and confidence for which I did.  I was on top of things all the way.  It was a difficult journey because the Medical Center was 1 ½ hours away from our house, so I had to wake up very early, bring my daughter to my parent's house at 4 AM and I had to be at the freeway at exactly 4:30 AM to get to the hospital at 5:45 AM, otherwise if I get to the freeway at past 4:30 AM, I won't get to the center on time.  My husband will pick up my daughter from school at 7 PM, and I usually get home at around 6 PM.  That was my routine for 2 ½ years during the entire preceptorship training.  To make both ends meet because I did not have any salary and it was only my husband who was working, I took a side job of transcribing medical documents from the doctors and nurse practitioners within the medical center.  I just had to bring the work home everyday and do it at night as I had to submit the transcribed work the following day.  My knowledge on transcribing I learned during my residency training at Clark because I would always frequent the transcription room then and I asked the transcribers to teach me.  Little did I know that this could be my source of income at the time that I badly needed financial resources. From this side job, at least I was earning $ 3,500 a month, but I barely had time for myself and my family.

Right after finishing my preceptorship in April 1990, I decided to go back to my home country, the Philippines even if it was against my dad's will.  He challenged me that nothing is going to happen in my practice in the Philippines as he is being fed news from his friends here that there were a lot of doctors not doing well in their practice.  I followed my heart and I told my dad I was going to prove him wrong.  July 1, 1990 was the start of my private practice.  Of course, I started with a small clinic, and again by God's grace, the start of my practice was sensational.  I could not believe.  I had no streamers. It was just through word of mouth.  All I told myself was I was going to heal my patients with compassion.  People and colleagues started knowing about me.  That was how I became part of the SFUC Group of Companies which was set up by the top doctors in San Fernando, Pampanga, for which I was a secretary for 10 years, until I became the first woman President of the company.  I gave my passion and dedication for the work entrusted to me and in running our company, I gave more attention as to what was to the best interest of our patient/clients before our very own interests. I was hands-on in my leadership style.  I was the one who introduced team building activities for our stockholders, and staff as well, which I believed help in the betterment of our relationships which matters a lot to the company. Then I was offered the position as Head of the Department of OB-GYN at the Our Lady of Mt. Carmel Medical Center, and I am happy to say that all the 92 OB-GYN consultants there are very much satisfied with how I ran the department, and have been very supportive of me.  It is always what is to the best interest of our patients, then our department before my own interests.  I was also offered to be the Head of the Department of OB-GYN which I held for one year only, and during that one year, I was able to keep our department united.  It was only a year because I was offered the position of the Director for Medical Services by our President & CEO, Atty. Martin Angeles.  I was hesitant to accept it at first because I do not have any more time in my schedule to accommodate the position. He became persistent so we both agreed that I would only work part-time. Hence, I had to sacrifice my only ½ day off every Thursday afternoon which means that I will sit at my office only every Thursday afternoon, but that I will give my 200% best. So it has been my routine to drop by my office everyday to accomplish my tasks and for other tasks which need more time to resolve, I take home to finish.

My passing the Diplomate written and oral exams given by the Philippine Obstetrical and Gynecological Society in 1997 was also one of my milestones. I was hesitant at first to take it because it would be a shame to my patients if I don't pass it.  I did not have time to study for the written exams because of my very busy schedule, but I have to sacrifice if I want to go for it.  My mom has always encouraged me to take it and she prays that I will be a diplomate and fellow before she dies (she was already sick at that time).  I had to go on a leave of absence from my clinic for 3 straight months and I would review 20 hours a day.  Again, by God's grace I passed it. I was still a Catholic then and God helped.  Now comes the bigger challenge, how I would pass the oral exams where there is only a 22% passing rate that is why a lot of OB-GYN don't pass it.  I did not study for the oral exams any more as I didn't want to sacrifice my practice again.  There was only one book that I mastered, the "Secrets of OB-GYN" but I knew it by heart.  There was one big-time OB-GYN who told my colleagues that if I will pass the oral exams just reading that one simple handbook, that she will convert to born-again. I accepted the challenge.  I was already a born again at that time having surrendered my life to the Lord in 1997.  If God had helped me in my written exams when I was a Catholic, I am more sure that He will help me in my oral exams in as much as my life has been offered to Him already. I fervently knelt before the Lord the day before the exams and pleaded Him to transfer to my brains all that I had to know for the oral exams.  I told Him that my passing this exams was not for my glory, but it was for the glory of His Name.  If I will fail this exam, then what testimony will I show to my children and to my parents and to people when I have publicly manifested to everyone that if I will cast all my cares to God, he will help me.  How will I be able to bring my children, my family and my friends to the Lord if I will fail this exams. At that night, during my fervent devotion, I asked for 3 signs that I will pass the exams even before taking it. God impressed upon me 3 things (this may be hard for you to believe, but it really happened): water, 1 and 4.  I did not know what these 3 things stood for. I only had to put my trust in God. But the following day on the day of the exams, it rained so that was probably the water, and that was the reason why I opted to have my husband bring the car outside the garage so I will be blessed by the water going to the car now parked outside the garage. Then suddenly at the POGS office, we were asked to pick two numbers. I got number 1, which means I will be the first in my group to be questioned by the panel, and the other number was 4 which was the panel who will give me my oral exams.  So, while I was being led down to the exam room, I took the stairs now with a smile and just prayed and said, "Lord, this is it. Please take control."  I passed the exams with flying colors! And to God be the glory! I was really amazed.

In the year 2009, I was diagnosed to have ovarian cancer versus retroperitoneal tumor.  My general surgeons told me that they are praying it would just be an ovarian cancer because the retroperitoneal tumor had a worst prognosis than ovarian cancer.  Scheduled to operate on me were 2 gynecologic oncologists and 2 general surgeons, with 4 anesthesiologists and 2 internists. A lot of other consultants gave notice they will all be praying for me and that they will drop by the operating room on day of surgery.  Because of this, my residents in OB-GYN had to have food catered for all the doctors who would pay a visit during my surgery.  Again, there was another miracle, the night before my surgery, it was only me and my pastor who were together in the room. It was my prayer to the Lord that if would still use me for His work here on earth, for him to reverse the cancer and let it be benign.  But if He thinks my work on earth is finished, let it be and I am ready to join Him. Again, I asked for a sign that if during our morning devotion prior to the surgery that my pastor would sing the song, "The Potter's Hand," then it is not cancer.  In the same way, my pastor also asked for a sign that if the verse on the Bible that we will read will say it is cancer free, then, I am healed.  Lo and behold, both of our signs were granted, and my tumor was benign.  I was so grateful to the Lord, but what astonished and amazed me a lot was the numerous bouquet of flowers given to me by my colleagues, friends and patients.  I remember our President & CEO Atty. Martin say to me that he has never seen a room very full of flowers just like what he saw in my room.  There were around 50 plus bouquet of flowers.  I have seen here how many people loved me and treasured me.  That moment, I prayed and thanked God for giving me people who love me a lot and the more I was inspired to continue to be a humble, meek and loving person. I must have done something nice to them to show how much they care.

That is my life's journey that led me to the kind of leader I am now.  Those were the external factors that shaped my life to where I am now.  There will be many more external factors as I continue in my journey.  It is my prayer that all these never-ending factors will continue to transform me to be a much better and more effective servant-leader more than who I am now.  If I have given my heart, my love, my compassion, my generosity and my empathy to become the leader I am now, I still have more overflowing of all of these as they stem from our Heavenly Father for as long as we never stop loving Him and others before loving ourselves. I want to continue to being a Magi.

Defining My Internal Factors:

Internal factors are reactions that we create inside ourselves in response to the world.  Even if these reactions happen inside us, it is best to think about them as behaviors because they are actions that we choose. By choosing how to perceive ourselves, we can either behave our way to success or behave our way to failure. 

Understanding my life story has led me to the journey to becoming an authentic leader. It is primarily important for me to have self-awareness, to have an internal dialogue with myself about everything that happens in my life. It is an assessment of my strengths and weaknesses, and about practicing my values and principles.  Focusing on our weaknesses while ignoring our strengths can be a source of discouragement and failure. In the same manner, glorifying our strengths while ignoring our weaknesses can be equally unproductive.  It is only when we give equal weight to our strong points and faults that we can realize our potential. Knowing our strengths and weaknesses and managing them well is very crucial in how we decide or act. I have weaknesses of my own.  Among these are my being very impatient with others especially involving promptness of time of other people in submitting assigned tasks on time or simply being late for meetings.  If I do not control my temper when this happens, then it spoils everything. I don't like waiting but sometimes I become too hard and harsh on people and it is very hard for me to accept their excuses.  I have to learn to manage this, otherwise, it will affect my actions or decisions. I know I should not be ashamed of having weaknesses as it is part of human nature.  We just have to look at the big picture.  What will help us reach our goals? It is not weakness but strength that will take us where we want to go. So, we need to identify our weaknesses and overcome or manage them. Another weakness I have is my difficulty in not being able to say "NO". I know that not being able to say no is one of the biggest downfalls that successful entrepreneurs and leaders claim as their own key mistakes.  Ever since I realized this, I have tried to manage it because I have experienced instances where I failed to make a right decision by failing to say no. I am learning to manage on this weakness by changing those that I can, accepting those that I cannot change, embracing those I cannot change because it is what makes me unique, and using my weakness to develop compassion, using my weakness to find new strength.

I thank God for blessing me with strengths (self-reliance, persuasiveness, integrity, energetic, passionate, compassion, courage, promptness of time, and servant-leadership) that have been helpful to me in defining and redefining my actions or decisions in life. There could be more strengths that I possess that but haven't identified them. It is very important to recognize our inner resources, for until we do, we will fail to use them. How can we make sure that we are not overlooking our strengths? A good way to identify personal strengths we have overlooked is to ask ourselves a series of questions, such as: Do I set goals and am I eager to take action to realize them? Am I excited by life? Am I curious? Do I love adventure? Do I live courageously? Do I like to support others, lead others, or both? Am I patient? Am I a risk taker? Do I look at the pros and cons before acting? Can I depend on myself? Do I encourage others and offer praise where it is due? Do I respect and learn from others? Do I see the potential in others and in myself?...and many more.

More so, we have to stick to the values and principles that we believe in as these would be crucial in our decisions and actions. Leadership principles are values translated into action. Having a solid base of values and testing them under fire enable us to develop the principles we will use in leading.

How do these prepare us for future challenges?

Being true to myself, accepting who I am, realizing what I can and cannot do will help me in preparing myself for future challenges.  As a leader and a woman of character and integrity, I should balance my extrinsic and intrinsic motivations. The key is to find a balance between my desires for external validation and the intrinsic motivations that provide fulfillment in my work. Having a balance of all these external and internal factors, strengths and weaknesses will help me lead a balanced life, bringing all of its elements together like family, work, community and friends, so that I can be the same person in each environment.  I will be open to feedbacks from my support group, colleagues, friends, and patients as well and accept them as positive criticisms if only to transform me to be a better person, a better leader. These will make me strong, firm, and courageous in facing life's challenges as I continue with this journey.

Thank you so much po Prof for helping us realize all these thru our Leadership Class.

Leader Dr. Suzette K. Munoz   4