Reflection #2 by Leader Anne Mayette V. Boese

LEADERSHIP

Reflection Paper 2

By Anne Mayette. V. Boese

1.   External - what are family, environment school and work experience that shaped you today?

2.  Internal - your values, strength, weakness and how do they affect on how you decide act

3.   How do they prepare you for your future challenges?

Experience is the best teacher. My life experiences and defining moments have taught me, challenged me and changed me. The exercises we've done for the past few weeks have helped me understand myself deeper.  I have learned in this class that the journey for authentic leadership requires a lot of inner assessment and reflection. I previously viewed a leader as merely someone who knows how to inspire, manage, lead and have followers. I admit that I am very wrong with this perception because there is a much deeper understanding towards becoming an Authentic Leader. A lot of people can be leaders, but few can be authentic. This course is helping me track my path to Authentic Leadership. The 1^st journey is to be SELF AWARE. Now I asked myself, am I on the right path to authentic leadership? Or am I a long way ahead? Or I maybe I'm on the wrong path? The questions in this reflection will help me answer this question

EXTERNAL (Family, Environment School and Work Experiences)

Family

Recalling when I was very young, I was afraid to go out and play with other kids because I only wanted to be around my parents. Then I was introduced to fun childhood games and adventures such as climbing trees, swimming in the river, or running in the street and playing all day. From being fearful at first, I could no longer be stopped from exploring outside my comfort zone. Change had happened to me, and I liked it. My mom said that I cried so hard on my first day of school, and for the second time I feared the new changes. Looking back, I can say that change is actually good. Because of change, I learned to be independent, socialize, and to share. My life was evolving so fast that everything seemed different. My Dad knew that change was inevitable and set out to guide me before society could corrupt my morals and values. My dad regularly reminded us that we could play as much as we wanted and enjoy our childhood, but must be home for 'family time' – also known as 'meal-time.' During meal-time we were all required to stand for the grace. Praying was something that my dad instilled in all of us. We had to be sincere with our prayers, and not just utter the words - but feel it in our hearts. Standing is a sign of respect, and when praying, you show respect. Although I had been learning from society, it was the values and morals my parents introduced in my growing years that I valued and remembered the most. I was very lucky to have a dad with strong moral convictions concerning life and spirituality, and a mom that is hardworking and tough. He always told us that it takes a heart to love and to understand. When there is in heart what you do or what you say, there is a lot of love and understanding to it. Like everyone, we are not a perfect family. We had shortcomings and arguments, but my dad kept glued us together. He used faith and love as our main foundation. We disagreed, but we had to talk it out using our hearts. It doesn't matter who is right or wrong, but what matters is what is inside our hearts.

Environment/School

Another external influence in my life was when I was an activist in college. When I was elected student council, I also I joined Akbayan Group and we rallied from Angeles, Manila, and all the way to Cebu. I had been actively shouting for student's rights and social justice. I met several individuals with different perspectives on social justice and different ways to express one's belief. Although I didn't get the answers from shouting and bursting with anger at the Government, I was still thankful I was part of a group that fought for a cause. With the corruption prevailing in our country, we have to be united in fighting against it. At this moment I thought I was at a peak of believing my life was contributing to society. After graduation they invited me to become one of their youth spokespersons, but I was reluctant. I used my dad as an excuse to refuse the offer and I faltered in the group. I declined and decided to build a career. This was just probably my excuse because I saw the life condition of older activist. I was not ready to head down that path. I felt the need to establish myself first before I could commit to others. I was young and I knew that there was more to life than shouting in the street. I believed I could not truly help others if I couldn't help myself. My dad called this being unselfishly selfish. Then it happened, I lost my dad. After my father's sudden death, I strayed and got lost for a while because I was not consistent in reaching for others. But God is truly good to me and he opens a new insight. When we get lost, we just need to get back to him.

Work Experiences

In my hero's journey I have detailed my story on how I landed jobs abroad. My experiences exposed me to different cultures and perspectives. I learned not to be afraid in venturing into the unknown. We will not learn the best lessons if we stay on our comfort zones. The short story, "The 2 Travelers" has helped me survive every destination I went to. The lesson in the story guided me a lot and I am happy to share:

There were 2 travelers exploring the world. Reaching a new town, the 1^st traveler asked the gate man:

1^st Traveler: How is your town?

Gateman: How was the town you previously visited?

1^st Traveler: It was horrible, the people are bad and I would not wish to come back there.

Gateman: It is the same in this town.

2^nd Traveler: Good Morning Gateman How is your town?

Gateman: How is the town you previously visited?

2^nd Traveler: Oh it was awesome. The people are warm and friendly and I really enjoyed     that town.

Gateman: It is the same in this town.

Where ever I go, whether it is a new place, new work or new friends I think about this story. I have met a lot of amazing people and they have something valuable to teach me. I have learned that to appreciate a new place we must not depend on our own expectations, but work on being harmonious with your new environment. Only when we show respect to their territory can we then begin to share ours. If I did not work in the Middle East I would not have learned how kind and wonderful Muslims are. The locals in the Caribbean are free spirited and genuine. I enjoyed the Italians love for food and family, they are like Filipinos. I admired the work ethics of the Americans and Europeans; they taught me diligence and discipline. I still remember the dance night I had with my Latina friends. I am so blessed that I was able to learn a lot of culture and I have made lifetime friends outside my zone. I was also able to represent us Filipinos for being truly hospitable and genuine.

Internal

Through the years I have been in the constant battle in improving myself. Motivation is like bathing, I need it every day. I may have been guided, inspired, shaken and changed by external factors, but I know that at the end of the day it is my inner hero and villain that will define me. That no matter how much my father instilled love and kindness, if I do not believe, it will be useless. That no matter how school educates me, if I do not know how to use it, it will be worthless. The man in the mirror, as Prof. Jorge shared, is vital. Self-awareness is one of the hardest things to acknowledge. I have to BE MYSELF. Most of the time the term, "be yourself" can be good and can be bad. In my case, here are the reasons why. In my defining moments I have shared that I was bullied and this has transformed me to become a better friend and a person to anyone that I meet in my life. I started as a weak kid following, pleasing others so that I may be accepted. But my natural instinct forces me to change. I myself am puzzled that at a young age I was able to stand up against bullying. And in the process have naturally forgiven them afterwards. But because of our Enneagram and Genogram activities I have learned something amazing about myself. I am a born leader because I am naturally compassionate to people. It was easy for my father to instill kindness in my heart because I was naturally kind. I have a soft spot for others regardless of their status or orientation. I will continuously nurture this compassionate nature. And regardless of how much people disappoint me, I have a natural tendency to forgive easily. I do not like to keep hard feelings in my heart. Another internal strength that I possess is even at a young age I naturally liked to volunteer for tasks. At my grandmother's house I always volunteered to wash dishes for her. If I see a task that needs to be done, I do not wait for orders, I just naturally do things on my free will. My heart tells me that this is the right thing to do. If I see a stranger that needs help, I just naturally do it. I have a natural fondness for children and old people. This is a part of me that says I am a born leader.

One strength that I learned to develop through the years is having a positive attitude. I have learned that it is not enough to think positive, we must also feel positive. Thinking and feeling good must synchronize. When I feel down or negative, I look at all the things that I have to be grateful for. If I start to feel negative, I pray and ask for guidance. I still tell myself 10 times, "I am a good person"- "I reflect love and I am surrounded by love"- "I am strong and confident"- "I give and attract good things"- "I have talents that can help others"-  "God is my shepherd". These positive words help me every day fight negative thoughts.

The ugly part of "Be Yourself" is when I can no longer control my temper and anger. This natural trait does not help me, but gets me into trouble. The hardest battle I have with myself is controlling my emotions. I am aware that I often speak with strong emotions. I can be impatient and outspoken if I feel the need to rectify something. At work, I can be aggressive when pushing people to get results. Although I try my best to control my temper, there are several times that I would burst and release disappointments. If I have to release my anger – I will, even if I know that it will hurt others. This is my biggest weakness. I tried to meditate before, but it was only for a while then I came back to my old ways. I always tell myself that 10% of the situation we cannot control but 90% we can control by controlling ourselves. We cannot control how people will treat us, but we can certainly control on how we react. I admit that I am still in the process of eliminating this villain inside me. If I can no longer defeat this enemy, I pray. I pray for forgiveness, I pray for calmness, I pray for understanding, I pray for enlightenment and I pray for guidance in my actions.  

My values, strengths and weaknesses affect my daily decisions. The hardest part to control is yourself. But this reflection gave me the insight that, "I have the power to Lead myself to the right way."

Conclusion

Both external and internal influences are important in my journey to Authentic Leadership. By assessing my current condition, I may be able to direct the way I need to be. During one of the lessons in Leadership Class, Prof. Jorge talked about good luck. That good luck is actually opportunity plus preparation. It is important to prepare ahead and when the opportunity arrives you are ready to seize it. The leadership activities we have been doing these past few weeks reignited my sleeping spirit towards helping others. I have slowed down on the strong love taught by my dad and I used to be this active kid with so much passion for fighting for others. As Fr. Arrupe mentioned, it is not too late for us to reevaluate with sincerity and humility. We always have that "something"- meaning the spirit of constantly seeking the will of God. It is the sensitiveness to the Spirit, which enables us to recognize where, in what direction, Christ, is calling us at different periods of history, and to respond to that call. And even if we write the best story or have the best education, it is worthless if we do not use it to empower ourselves and others.

My action plans after this class:

1.      Change will begin within me.

2.      I will nourish my relationship with God, myself and others.

3.      I will share to my staff this amazing journey of leadership, so that they may also discover their inner call.

4.       I will use my strengths to motivate and empower others to think and feel good about themselves.

5.       I will continue to do small acts of kindness and volunteer on community outreach programs.

Enrolling MBA has enriched my understanding of the true meaning of Education. Education is something valuable but if we do not put it into action then it is worthless. Education is not only about updating our technical or professional knowledge, but rather a more important conversion on a specific Christian Education. I am gifted with conscience, intelligence and power to go out of myself and to give myself to others in love.

To answer the question if I am on the right way to authentic Leadership, I will say yes I am. And although there are bumps ahead, I will continue this journey - but this time I am equipped with a better map and a better understanding of Authentic Leadership.

This journey is the beginning of a new and improved LEADER ANNE BOESE. I am now the upgraded version called Leader Anne Boese version 2.0

Baysie   4