Reflection Paper #2 - The External Factors that Shaped me as a Leader

Leader Janelle Ann Pineda-Bansilf

Reflection number 2

The leader I have become

I.             External factors that shaped me:

When we were asked to do reflection 2 , I recalled my defining moments and relate them to my very own transformation. There could be many reasons that externally created an impact to who I am today and that includes my Family, environment, work, school and experiences in life. But aren't those mentioned related to one Supreme Being who shapes us?  That question came along with me while pondering my thoughts. Truly amazing, I had a memory to recall many incidence of God answering my own question. I came up to rephrase the question what shaped me to "Who shaped me?"

My Family

God did not allow me to work on my own but gave me good guidance from my parents. They have driven me to have positive outlook in life. They are not perfect neither their way and approach but that makes it more promising, for I learn how to self-correct, gain courage from downfall and continuously ignite my endurance to life's challenges. Their democratic way of governance is worthy.

Life experience and school

Another point to explain is life experiences. One unforgettable experience back in pre-school, was when I was literally forced to get enrolled. Without introductions from what is expected, my parents enrolled me. Felt like being unleashed into the wilderness defenseless, I was blanked and went on crying the first day of class. What makes it harsher for me was when my teacher required us to draw the animals she drew on the board. Well, she simply drew 3 pictures of animals cat, carabao and pig. Absolutely easy, but not for me. I was seated in-front and just looking at my paper while continuously crying, that teacher was like a terrorist in the movie. She approached me and told me some harsh words that I couldn't imagine hearing from a teacher. It was a rejection for me. I was emotionally vulnerable that time. I lost my confidence that day. Then it went through grade school. Not the most academically brilliant in our class but I had developed love for art most especially drawing. That time when I was in grade 3, my art teacher required as to produce an art work out of crayons. She would post the best art work in the bulletin board. I thought of using the remains from the sharpened crayons of my classmates and turned it to mosaic picture from the pencil drawing of my hand. I got the first place for that artwork and  I was moved because of that achievement. It may seems so little for others but that is a moment of marvelousness for me. My hidden talent was unleashed. High school days arrived.  Surprisingly, I made it to our school paper as layout artist. With a little background on journalism I contributed a few stories for 2 years.  Joined numbers of competition in poster making and won most of them. Then graduation day came to near. We just learned about our school probation among transferees. All transferees are not entitled for academic awards for it is their regulation to take all subjects from 1^st year to 4^th year in their school. In a nut shell, I have no chance of getting any award, even loyalty as the least I can have. I am hesitant to join my classmates in the graduation rites. Who would be in my case? But the graduation is not just for me but also for my parent's reward. So I attended the graduation, I was so gloomy although I didn't show it among my friends and classmates. But there's part in the rites that startled me from where I was seated, I heard my name being announce as the most outstanding student of the year. You would probably thought of double eye vision facilitator or other Janelle for that reason? And the drama came along not from me but from my mom. I went on the stage and had that feeling of greatness. This is the first time I disclose this story. Recalling that day unravels me.

Work

But it does end being good at a certain aspect, as you can see I am featured with good talents in arts but what am I doing now is far beyond from what I am good at. I'm into education. Not a teacher or somewhat related to education but I am here today. This leads me to conclude that God led me to choose not on the things that I am good at. Ironically, we are always advice to do the things that we are good at because that when you'll feel more fulfilled. But that's not my case, I've shared my journey on unfulfilled Medical career, and now I am doing the last thing I want to do my whole life. But if you ask me now how am I doing? I will give you the most straightforward answer " Yes I am very much happy".  With what I have accomplished today because of responding to God's call shaped me today.

 No matter how I planned for myself if it is not His way then it will not bear fruit.

Environment

I am blessed with a heart that can feel compassion. I am a soft hearted and a very emotionally sensitive person. I easily empathized with people that are less fortunate and endures poverty. I know that poverty is somewhat inevitable for people who have less opportunity to grasp. It is wide issue to discourse but I will ponder more on its roots. I can see how poverty arose from uneducated community. When I was doing my genogram I came to realize my fate if I did not struggle to finished schooling. Most of my relatives from paternal side suffered the consequence of getting out of school. My parents also gave me eye opening beliefs on education. I believe that education is a key to escape these nightmares. Education will open doors for broader opportunities. Comparable to Jesuit act on providing free education to uplift illiterate children in Europe, those who cannot afford even primary education. That simple reason gave me conclusive idea to continue looking for ways in improving myself. We should not stop from learning but always take the privilege that life has to offer.

I am an advocate of education. Although I am not a licensed teacher or not even related to, I envision clear pathway in nurturing young generation. I want to instill love for learning that even poverty won't stop them from accomplishing their goals. That is where I get the chance to touch the minds of these kids who enroll in our center. The service are personalize to tap even the social class c. Although our primary target customers range from social class A to B only , I restructured my own branch to also capture social class c and a little of upper D. May seems small but I believe that small step I made can create big impacts to these kids who can experience the service we provide. 

Yes Before, I admit being too focused on myself, it blinded my perception to be sensitive and think of others.  But God made me remember the life He would like me to see. He sent me challenges that would make me remember Him. I had difficult times that almost cut me through. But my own expedition answered the questioned I had in mind. It is God who externally guided me to be shaped for who I am today.

II.           Internal factors

Understanding from within. As mentioned above I came from all-girls school. I am introduced to Christian values. But it is not enough that I know them. One must struggle to live by them. One values I know I have lived upon is honesty.  I applied honesty and tried to be morally upright even it sometimes led me to misfortune. Temptation can easily be misleading. I had one experience that proved honest will not just pull your identity but rationalized your act. Regular final exam occurs every semester back in my college days. Although the subjects are hard, Cheating is never an option for me. I was offered to review the leakage exam. Without hesitant I did not join that review, for it seems like not a review but a memorization of correct answers. Yes, I passed the exam but just across the borderline.  That afternoon before the regular class was about to start, some of my classmates were asked to go in the next room. Only a few where left. We were told that those students who got remarkable grade on that exam where asked to have another exam. That single act of refusing from temptation gave me relief from being exiled in that subject. That is a principle that I live upon until today. Reliance cannot be easily given but on every act of honesty pulls me up to gain the respect of others. That is a good way of starting leadership. You live and do it. My employees know how honest I am that I've influenced them to be such. Even small things count, like in my absence I know for a fact that they will be doing their job at their best because I've won their honesty. Another is Generosity. Most people acknowledge my liberality in sharing. Our pursuits to material things above will never bring us to contentment. New gadget? Latest car? Top of the line brands of new clothes? And then what? It will never feed our desire for more. I happily did made myself not to look on these things. I get tempted once in a while but whenever it crosses my mind I remind these things "If I will buy that new watch I can also buy 10 sack of rice for an ordinary household, or that latest gadget amounting to 4 months' salary of a regular blue collar employee. That's how I contemplate on myself. Giving becomes easy when you are satisfied with what you have and accepted the mere fact that you can't have it all. And the most important of all is faith. I had a dangerous challenge that upsurge my faith last 2013. The Friday of October second week brought signal storm 3 in Pampanga and Tarlac. It was on the news that the storm name is SANTI which will bring a very strong wind and heavy rain. Yes, that night was horrible but luckily we were safe at home. In the morning while I was about to prepare our breakfast I had chills and felt colds. I told my husband and he advised me to take a rest. Then he went to work at 7 am. Then he gave me a call that the acacia trees in Mabalacat to Dau were uprooted and laid along the highway. It took him hours to reach the hospital for his duty. At 11 am I called my mom because I had an excessive stomachache. But since it is very rare for me to get sick she just told me to take an omeprazole for the mean time. No one really believes that I am sick. So, I changed clothes and brought myself to the nearest diagnostic center but unfortunately was also closed for that day since it was heavily hit by the branches of trees. By 6 pm the road was clear and I asked my mom to have my blood sample checked. Even w/o 24 hours of fever I got a positive test result for dengue but I had normal platelet count. That night was very crucial because my husband did not accepted the test result and he did not want me to be admitted in the hospital. By Monday morning my platelet went down from 120 to 80 and I was admitted at AUFMC. By tuesday, my platelet was only 29 and the most feared moment came along, I had to be transfused with blood,(we all know the complication of blood transfusion) and that's not all,  I also got complication in my lungs and had third space loss which gave me hard time to breath. I had to sleep while seated down just to help me get enough oxygen flowing. The most remembered part of that experience are the following: (1)Blood transfusion- I am a medical technologist by profession and for we all know that blood carries blood-borne viruses such as hepa and HIV; (2)and the fear of unknown- When you fear but do not exactly knows what it is it, it sometimes it  springs into anxiety. That experience brought my spiritually devotion to rely on Him. That fear I felt is a weakness that I am very horrified to face. But I dig on this bible verse " for when I am weak, then I am strong". My weakness in handling fears recovers new understanding that I cannot do it alone. I had short comings and that does not interest me , but If I choose the things that only interest me I cannot work on my weaknesses. I need not only improve what I am already good at. I believe a good balance of improving more of the strengths and addressing ways to refine my weaknesses will be more efficient. At my age there were still potentials that I have not unlock yet. Maybe while taking the next course or so. I will continue to always take the wiser step. There are challenges that almost have gotten me. Horrible times that we cannot control.

·         How do they effect on how you decide, act?

In decision making, the above mentioned internal factors reminds me on to consider  the following:

a.   To always choose what is morally right- contemplating on my values that can help me chose from the alternatives

b.   To choose the utmost good for others not on my own self-interest

c.   To be responsible on the consequences of my actions

d.   And the best of all, to always ask His guidance in every decision

III.           My preparation for future challenges?

As my goal to establish the first Developmental center in Mabalacat, I believe that it would only materialized if I would be equipped with right materials to run and make the center operational. I will not settle for mediocrity that is why my actual preparation would be to finished my MBA course, have deeper understand of every subject, collect most of what is required and come out of a strama paper that would lead me to come up with the most resilient strategy plan for the center. The actual path is clear and I know where I am going. There are challenges like being the less experienced in this leadership class but I don't take this limitation as it is but an advantage to learn from my classmates and lead me 1 step higher to gain knowledge from their experiences. My opportunity to learn in this MBA course will not just equipped my personality with character, but will lead with purpose and someday be deserving for the competence of an authentic leader. I will be taking this path as I continue to be a mother to my Andres, wife to Paul, a leader in among my employees and accept opportunities that will bump along the way.

Hi prof,

This is my reflection No. 2.

Thank you for inspiring.

God Bless you.

Janelle Ann Pineda-Bansil 3.5