MY DEFINING MOMENTS
BELINA S. KATIGBAK
3
A lot of my defining moments were captured in my autobiography, which I wrote in August 2003. My late friend, Dr. Antonio Ledesma wrote the "Foreword", that goes:
This booklet you hold in your hands is a parable of love. It narrates the love of the Farmer for his precious seed – how he nourished, protected, cultivated it in order that it may grow into a sheltering tree.
Within its pages are revealed the secrets of a life rooted in love. It will remind its readers of that famous autobiography of the Little Flower of Lisieux who summed up her life with the exclamation: "In the heart of the Church, I shall be Love!"
A parable makes the reader work to get the heart of its message. It is hidden in the lives of the people mentioned: an eloquent barber, a mother of 9, unselfish sisters and brothers, patient friends, a San Miguel mentor, a lifetime partner, a spiritual director…
But love's epiphanies are radiant not only in people but in things too: in forbidden apples, in faded school uniforms, in left-over food, in a hut with a leaking roof…In the words of the Jesuit poet Gerard Manley Hopkins:
The world is charged with the grandeur of God.
It will flame out, like shining from shook foil…
This is not the fairy tale of a Pollyanna but the story of a brave woman who endured humiliations, misunderstandings and searing pains – Love's highway goes through Calvary. There she encounters her beloved crucified; there she discovers the meaning of her poverty and sufferings.
It is not your hands but your heart that will hold this manuscript. For when you read this parable of love you will know not only the story of a friend called Belle but more importantly and surprisingly you will discover the inner message of your own heart.
My vocation, at last I have found it…my Vocation is Love!
Antonio Ledesma
September 2003
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About 12 years have passed after I wrote my autobiography. Now on my 9th term in pursuit of an MBA degree at the Ateneo Graduate School of Business, Prof. Jorge Saguinsin, lecturer in Leadership course of the MBA-Regis program, assigned us to write our defining moments and share during session 2. Initially, I wrote one of my best defining moments as a wife. Thereafter, I was prompted to do the "Lifeline" exercise in preparation for the lessons on Enneagram and Genogram. It was then that I was inspired to go down memory lane from childhood to present.
Being a grateful user of Microsoft programs, I did a lifeline exercise with the aid of Excel, drew a framework using columns for "Year", "Date", "Event", "Significance", "On what aspects of my life does the Event have a great impact", "Influence on my Personality", "Classification of the Influence as either High or Low", and "Lessons Learned" to occupy the last column. This exercise not only deepened my self-awareness, but has brought me to a great sense of gratitude to God and to all the people He sent me throughout my life. It didn't matter that I was born poor in a family of nine, in a tiny "leaking" house that stood on a lot that we could not call our own. Experiences of failures, trials and difficulties were neither yardsticks nor definitions of my personhood. I was a working student from age six, had only one faded uniform, had to walk to and from school, and without allowance for snacks. Are moments of successes later on in life the definition of who I am? No, not even the prestigious jobs and positions that I held; neither the medals, honors, and commendations that I received define who I am today. The Lifeline exercise allowed me to appreciate the whole of life, with its "joys and sorrows, hopes and fears".
In the final analysis, each and every event in my "Lifeline", classified either "High" or "Low", with the loving touches of all characters in the drama of my life, have defined me as a person. There is nothing that could distinctly separate the significance of one from the other. And as I went through each and every event, I realized how Dr. Ledesma captured it all in the very words of St. Therese of Lisieux, "My vocation, at last I have found it…my Vocation is Love!"
Truly, it was LOVE that defined me, and it is LOVE that will continue to define me as God's very own!
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