MY MOST DEFINING MOMENT OF ALL 4
Have you ever taken the time to think about that one moment, that one defining moment which turned things around for you and had a major impact in your life?
Actually, life is all about defining moments. Defining moments are things that happen in an instant in our lives that define who we are. I have had many defining moments in my life, but the one defining moment which I would say is my most defining moment of them all that created a 180 degree turn in my life is what I am going to share. This was how I became a Christian.
Sometime in December 1996, a former close friend way back in my grade school whom I have had no communication whatsoever for almost 25 years happened to see my name inscribed in the medical certificate I issued to her officemate at PLDT. She became curious to find out whether the name Dr. Suzette Kabigting-Munoz in the medical certificate was the same Suzette Kabigting that she had known 25 years back and she was glad to know that I pursued my dream to be a doctor someday. By the way, she is 7 years older than I am. She got in touch with me and she was so amazed as to how I have become and even said that I am still the same Suzette she had known in spite of the stature of my life now. She shared with me that she is a born-again Christian and has invited me to their Christmas party in Bread of Life Tarlac. I did not find anything wrong in accepting her invitation even if I was a very devoted Catholic, and of course for friendship sake, I said yes.
Never did I realize that this would be the turning point in my life. Their Christmas party started with Praise and Worship songs followed by the preaching of their Pastor, and during the moment of prayer at the end of the service, I suddenly felt the presence of God in my heart… a feeling which I have never felt before in my whole life, and at that moment, I broke into tears. From then on, I would find time to travel from San Fernando to Tarlac every Sunday to attend their Sunday service, but after the 3rd time that I had attended, I told my friend that I would temporarily stop attending for about 3 months and would resume in May as I was preparing to take my diplomate oral exams and that I needed all the time to review. But that evening while I was driving back home to San Fernando, it rained hard when I was in Concepcion, Tarlac, and during that very moment, I felt the Lord impressed on my heart the message, "Anak, tinatawag na kita, Bakit hindi mo pa buksan ang iyong puso?" At that very instance, I saw myself in tears and cried so hard telling the Lord I am accepting Him in my heart and that I am completely surrendering my life to Him. I took off my glasses as I was really in tears and for about 15 minutes that I was driving, I couldn't see anything because of the heavy rains and the downpour of tears from my eyes that I did not put on my glasses, and during that time, I felt it was the Lord driving my car during that length of 15 minutes. My personal encounter with the Lord during that night made me decide to become a born-again Christian.
I have sincerely thought about my decision. I have not forgotten my dreams then of becoming president of the Catholic Women's League and of the Soroptimist, and it has also been my desire to one day become the president of the Dolores Parish Council, the same position both my parents have held in the past. My parents and the entire family belonged to the elite in the Catholic Church and we were among those in the so-called "saradong catolico", but all these did not become a hindrance to my decision as what mattered to me then was to have a deeper personal relationship with God and to give Him my all, which I felt I did not experience being a catholic. I called up my parents in America to inform them of my decision, and as expected, they totally discouraged me and even commented that I have become insane and was going out of my mind to think of converting to become born-again. They did not give their blessing, but I told them that I love them but that I love God more than anything else in the world, and that nobody, not even them can stop me from seeking more my relationship with God. I got the chance to talk to a catholic priest about what was happening to me and he said that for as long as I feel in my heart that I will be closer to God being a born-again Christian, I can go on with my decision if that was what my heart was telling me.
HOW WOULD I COMPARE MY LIFE BEFORE WITH MY LIFE NOW AS A CHRISTIAN?
I used to love the song, "My Way" of Frank Sinatra, very much because it truly speaks of how I am and how I have been in the past. I did everything my way. I wanted my life to follow a ladder with hope that at every step I climb on the ladder, which corresponds to a year in my life, I will achieve something more to fulfill my dreams and earthly desires. I wanted circumstances to unfold according to my own ways and plans. I wanted people to act just the way I thought they should and I try to make things happen according to my own ways. I controlled my family. I did not give my husband the chance to be the head of the family for I wanted my own decisions in everything and I had big dreams for my children. I did consider myself as an ideal daughter and mother, but I failed as a wife, considering the pressures I get from my profession and from other responsibilities. I failed to respect my husband in his own capacity as the head of our family. I just did not do my duty as a wife for I became so much a slave to my career and my profession as an OB-GYN. I tried to overcome all the pressures and difficulties in my life, sometimes to a point that I felt I had so much to bear, just so I can get what I really wanted. In other words, I was a domineering person. I was a perfectionist. I wanted all the best for my family and me.
I was an obsessive-compulsive buyer. I buy very expensive watches and jewelry even if I really did not need them as I had quite a number already. There were even times were it was so easy for me to spend money left and right. I may have fancied material things but I had never allowed these to define myself.
And in spite of my being this kind of person, I still felt I was a little special because no matter how strong and powerful I thought I was, I was never selfish. I always had an open heart for everybody who needed my help, be it big or small. I was always there for persons who wanted and needed my support, in whatever form it is. I thought these good works were enough for me to gain access to the gates of heaven when I die, but somehow, I had doubts in my heart when I think deeper, because after all that I felt I have done good to others, still I failed to let my spiritual life grow and become mature, for I have never experienced a very intimate relationship with the Lord. I did my role as a Catholic, and I believe I have done much more than was expected of me, but I felt that it was more of an obligation that I was doing it.
I thought that I had everything in my life and had all the things I needed, but honestly, I was never happy. I had a very lucrative medical practice as an OB-GYN. I have 2 beautiful kids. But in spite of all these, there seems to be an emptiness or vacuum in my heart, which I could not explain. I had no idea what it was. No matter how much time and effort I spent digging into the very depths of my heart, I could not comprehend what it was that was lacking. There was really that emptiness in my heart.
And then came the time when I became a Christian and surrendered my life to Jesus…………it was Jesus who was lacking and it was HIM who filled up the emptiness and vacuum in my heart. Only then could I say that I was made complete with His presence….with my personal relationship with Him. It was February 17, 1997 when I had my water baptism as a Christian.
From then on, I started to live my Christian life and I was so amazed as how God handled my schedule that He had given me time to travel from San Fernando to Tarlac, not only every Sunday, but twice a week for 1 ½ years, and having Bible studies at my house once a week, until we had our own outreach ministry in Pampanga, through my own perseverance. To have an outreach ministry in Pampanga was my most difficult journey. I have set appointments to meet with our Senior Pastor about starting a church in Pampanga but for several months our schedules won't meet. I felt so depressed but I knew God will find a way for our paths to meet, and then sometime in 1998, a tragic vehicular accident involving our Church's missionaries from Korea happened along O-G road. There were mortalities and one of those who were severely injured, the wife of the senior Korean missionary, was rushed to the AUF Medical Center. Incidentally, I was at AUF Medical Center to make my patients' rounds, and as the doors of the elevator opened, there was our Senior Pastor and he disclosed to me the tragic incident. I took this opportunity to discuss with him about my plans to start an outreach ministry in Pampanga and all he said was we will pray about it and he will call for me. Six (6) months later, I was called by our Senior Pastor and there was only one question he asked me and I quote, "Doktora, are you willing to die for the Church in Pampanga?" I said yes, and God used me to be the pioneering member. I thanked God for the opportunity, but behind my mind, I told myself I was scared because I do not know how to lead to start a Church, as I was just a baby Christian so to say. But I just had to have hope that God will lead the way. I looked for a place to rent. I had it renovated and started buying everything from chairs, air-condition units, various musical instruments like guitar, base, drums, keyboard, microphones, and a lot more. I was all doing this with one of my friends, a Christian in our central church. I never asked for any financial support from our central church. I used my own savings spending around 1.5M in the first week just setting up the church. We started advertising the start of our Sunday service, and the pastor temporarily assigned to us was my pastor in Tarlac. Our first original attendees were just the three of us (myself, my husband and my friend) and our pastor and their worship team. We started to evangelize door to door to the nearby houses, reaching out first to the less fortunate as these were the ones who could easily be reached. I started dawn watches or prayer meetings every day at 4 A.M. It was not an easy task. I would be there at the center to open it, lay down around 20 chairs, hoping that we will have attendees. For so many months, it was just Irene and myself, but we never stopped praying and crying helplessly before God to send us attendees in our dawn watches. We never lost hope and after 2 years, the chairs were no longer empty as we had more members attending. Those attending our Sunday services also increased in number that we had to move to a bigger place. I really saw the hand of God move in the church. Even if I was the leader, when I asked for volunteers to be the cleaners of the church, I volunteered to be the cleaner of the toilets and for 10 years, I was doing that. We had many ups and downs, and one of the most difficult would be the financials. Most of our members were just new Christians and they still do not practice giving tithes, which is the 10% of your earnings. I had no choice but to spend for all our monthly expenses and for all our other activities as what we were getting were not enough to pay our bills. It was at this time that I realized how difficult it was not having any financial support from our central church, but this did not stop me from continuing with the ministry. I looked at it at a different perspective. It was only at this time that I realized the reason why God flourished and blessed my medical practice, and why he had made me independent, courageous and strong so that He could use me for His church. All the blessings that we get are from God and these were entrusted to us and we were made as stewards for all of these, and it was just proper to give back to Him all that He has given us for the work of his kingdom here on earth. Our Pastor was there to preach and guide us spiritually but it was I, as the leader, who handles all administrative work. Another difficult situation I was faced with which tested my leadership was when I confronted our Pastor for failing to come to three of our Sunday services and a few bible studies without notice. I confronted him and he said he won't do it again, but unfortunately he still did, so I prayed about it and asked for wisdom from God as to what was the righteous thing to do. I approached our senior pastor and laid to him the problem, and he was the one who disciplined him, and we were assigned a new pastor. He said that he appreciated the courage I took to inform him about the problem, as we had to take care of the souls of the members who were seeking their relationship with God. Many more challenges came, one after the other, sometimes even to the point of thinking why was I the only one giving my all, even to the brink of quitting as leader and just be a member, but I had to carry the same cross that Jesus carried if I want to be a servant-leader. I just have to focus on Jesus alone, believing that He will carry all my cares and burdens, and strive to finish the race He had set for me, and I hope to finish strong in my walk with Him.
Bread of Life Pampanga is now holding 2 Sunday services at the Marquee Mall. We celebrated our 17th anniversary last July 5, 2015. We have now been blessed with many faithful givers in the church. I thank God for using me for this very great privilege even if I don't deserve it.
Because of this, I am now the servant leader God has purposed me to become. And I quote, Matthew 20:26-27 – "Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant…. And whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave…" All the sacrifices, the burdens, the challenges, the pains, the persecutions that I encountered in my life's journey were the ones that gave me the strength, the courage, the perseverance, the compassion, the passion, to carry on my purpose here on earth.
This is the story of my defining moment…..that led to a 180 degree transformation in my life. I would not want to go back again to my old life without a personal relationship with Jesus. I am now a changed person.
My song is not anymore "My Way"……….It is now "Lord, I give you my heart."
MESSAGE:
No matter how long you have been living by faith, no matter how much you have learned about it, every once in a while you may suffer a setback. You may run into some circumstances in the organizations that we lead that just don't turn out the way you expected.
If that happens, remember this: Those setbacks are just temporary. You may have lost a battle, but you are not going to lose the war. Just get up and go at it again, and continue to be the leader you are. "But I don't understand it," you may say. "I did the best I could. I walked in all the truth I knew to walk in. but why didn't I get the victory?"
Because there was something you did not know. It shouldn't shock you too much that there are things you don't know about the realm of the spirit. So, when you get to a situation where we can't seem to get victory, we have to ask God for more wisdom. We can use temporary setbacks to seek more knowledge from God. Overcome the habit of quitting because of temporary setbacks. Refuse to let them knock you out of the game. After all, this thing is not over till it is over.
The Word of God is the source of the Spirit. Use it to fight Satan every time he comes against you. Hold up your shield of faith and quench all his fiery doubts and speak words of faith and fear will depart.
My advice is that we should no longer allow people, places or things to DEFINE us but instead allow our passion, our purpose, our gifts and talents to be the fuel that drives our life. My prayer is that we allow God to become the author of the definition that defines our lives. Let us become the leaders we are meant to be. We no longer need things to define us but instead we find that fulfilment from the light that burns within; that "bling-bling" that shines forth as we live in OUR truest calling, as children of God, as leaders God purposed us to be.
As you become the leader you desire to be, lead with God in your heart, and learn to love others for you cannot be a good leader if you don't love your people.
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