Leader RCEE's Reflection # 2 - Internal and External factors that shaped you

FAMILY

            "Ohana is family and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten", this line from Lilo & Stitch I will never forget when I was a kid. I also remember trying to read the Webster's dictionary from A-Z but stopped at letter A when I encountered the word abandoned. I recall, using the word in a sentence, "Papa abandoned us." I was eager to let my mom know that I have come across that word which can describe what my dad did to us. She did not make any comment. Growing up, I have been struggling to understand what a normal family is like. Don't blame me; I was four when my parents got separated.

            I did not recognize I was repressing the feeling of resentment towards my father while growing up not until College when the guidance counselor had to talk to all freshmen. I remember her asking me why I got teary-eyed when she asked me about my father. I too did not know why, maybe because I have buried my bad memories and feeling about him.

            I was put in an environment where I can have my own definition of normal. Normal would be to be prim and proper, stay at home, go to school, and be an obedient daughter. Basically, normal would be staying away from the real world to avoid getting hurt physically or emotionally. I was like a bird locked in cage.

            I must admit, if I will think of any insecurity before, the first thing that will come into my mind was our broken family. My mom did great in fulfilling this insecurity by giving us a decent life through her hard work and perseverance. I thank her for that. Today, it had shaped me to be strong-willed person and to keep in mind that I cannot depend to anyone when it comes to my own happiness and success. Well, there is one – The Almighty Father.

SCHOOL ENVIRONMENT

            When I was in grade 1, 3rd grade twin brothers and 6th grade male student intimidated me for reason I don't know. Come 3^rd grade, I saw myself bullying as well and what's more fascinating was that I go for the guys. I became boyish. Growing up, there is this desire for me to prove myself that I do not need any man in my life and that I have to outdo them.

            In high school I would shy away from being a center of attraction although chances are I will be included in school programs and will be elected as class officer maybe because they see my skills. I was not confident enough but I will accept it for the fact that I would just want to obey. In addition, I studied in an all-girls school where we were confined in an environment that thought us to be prim and proper and where we were unconsciously molded to be away from boys. These are just some of the instances where I see men in a negative point of view.

            Entering College at De La Salle University Manila was a big adjustment for me since I do not know how to interact with opposite sex plus knowing that I am from the Province of Tarlac, I did not know if I would fit in. I was in a block during my first year but shifted from College of Education to College of Liberal Arts (My brother's girlfriend that time chose my initial course and department). With that, I became irregular and would have to deal with attending non-major subject to different Colleges. This helped me to be independent since I need to join different classes from different Colleges and I was forced to mingle with dissimilar sets of classmates. This experience helped me to be adaptable and flexible in a way. In addition, getting my college degree finally away from my mother molded me to be street smart and resourceful.

            Since my mother raised us single-handedly, she was very frugal. She taught us the value of money. I had no financial allowance until 4^th year high school, we were only provided with unlimited supply of food. I had to learn how to make an exact summary and change every time my mom would give me budget for school and other bills. This taught me integrity and honesty besides the correct accounting and auditing. This helped me a lot now because I believe I had established trust and also taught me to be thrifty (not spending beyond my means). I had no problem with money; I knew how to save at a very young age.

            I had an ex-boyfriend in college whose father was an ambassador and his elder brother at that time won as Party list representative (Congressman). There were times where I will join them for dinner or different occasions. I would tend to compare business to politics since Politics would be their main topic for discussion. I cannot relate or should I say, I did not care. I preferred talking about business than politics. I realized how pathetic it is to go against any person or idea because in politics you always need to pick a side. In my opinion, it will be much fulfilling if we stop criticizing our situation and start acting on it. Let us start with our self.

            Today, these experiences shaped me to be independent and adaptable. I consider money nowadays as just props to measure our success but it is not the sole motivation in doing what you do.

WORK ENVIRONMENT

            I started being business-minded when I was in 1^st grade. I remember one of my godparents used to visit my mother in our Dressed Chicken store (this is my mother's first business before venturing to Restaurant) and gave me lots of Goya and Sogo chocolate. It was too many that I thought I cannot eat everything and thought of selling it to our employees. My mom allowed me to sell it through salary deduction and I found myself asking my mom if I can buy more chocolates and other varieties of candies so I can sell it again. I was young when I had this concept of buy and sell but I stopped it when one of my cousins imitated me and asked our employees to buy from him instead. I gave way for him so I stopped. I remember saving those sales by handing it to my mom and she told me that she would just give it to me when I need it, she never did.

            We never celebrated birthdays in exchange of one thousand pesos that my mom promised to give us when we need it already but that need never came. Our clothes were from divisoria with same styles but different colors. I had to be creative and innovative to fit in a University of rich and fashionistas. My shoes from 1^st year high schools was the same shoes on my high school graduation. I had to reinvent it from suede to polished. My books and uniforms were all hand-me-down from my sister. I had to be appreciative for the answered test in some of the books. These frugality by mom shaped me to be thrifty and to maximize value for things. In addition, it molded me to be assertive in a sense that I must not get angry or disappointed when things are not given to me as promised or expected instead, be grateful of what is given and work hard for what is not.

              My mom always tags us along in the store when we were kids. During summer she would let us do jobs like cashiering, deboning chicken, washing chicken's intestines, sales lady and the like. We are used to smell like market. We had to write our time in and out in a time card for a promise of computed salary. We would sleep in a room inside the store so when my mom wakes up, she does not need to take a bath to go to work. I never felt self-pity instead I found it challenging and a learning experience.

            When I was in College, I only had four thousand pesos as my monthly allowance for school. I had to commute via FX from España to Taft. At that time if you give a twenty peso bill, the driver will not give you a 5-peso change so what I did was to prepare an exact fifteen pesos so I can save five pesos a day. I also managed to use my allowance in buy and sell business where I would go to Quiapo or green hills to buy second hand cellphones then at the end of the week I will sell it in Tarlac. I remember by the end of 1^st Year College, I have twenty-seven thousand in my bank account which means I have saved almost 7months of my monthly allowance, to think that it is only 10 months per school year. Indeed, saving became my habit. I stopped my buy and sell business again when I gave way to my sister who did the same to prevent conflict.

            After College I worked at our restaurant. I had no choice. I was requested by my mom to help her. Maybe that was her way of confining me again since I was single and she does not want me to marry someone far away from home. She loves us too much that she does not want us to be physically away from her. In addition, my brother at that time left for America that means that my sister and I will be the only one staying with her.

            Almost three years after college, I was finding myself. I've also experienced a job outside our family business as Coordinator in a Post-production Company in Manila. My experience at work in summary gave me an impression that they do not see me as a worker. Some of their comments are, "bakit ka ba kasi nagtatrabaho. Hindi mo naman kailngan." Or maybe, just maybe, I gave this impression of bossiness, which intimidates them to give me commands. My position and salary was way less to compensate my lifestyle if they will rely only from what they see. I had a car and  I managed to buy a macbook laptop on my 1^st week in the company.

            I do not know what to do, I was empty inside finding my purpose in life not until I have read the Purpose Driven Life of Rick Warren. I realized I have to live a life that will put meaning in my existence. I found myself looking for love. An authentic love. I've also read books that define love as not just a merely feeling but an action word. I came into a decision, I have to look for a man that will walk with me throughout my life's journey. Someone whom I can find myself because he is not lost himself but strong physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Someone who is also willing to walk with me in this life's journey. With continuous prayer with Our Lord and special intentions to Mama Mary, he found me. He also have found himself through me.

            Besides experiencing my parent's separation, in 2010 I also witnessed the separation of my mother and her brother in business. They have been partners since 1981 but ended up separating due to family issues mostly with her sister-in-law and our cousins. She initially asked her brother to partner with him so he will not have to work abroad when his business went bankrupt. Since we all the children graduated already, no one from us wants to help in the family business (Dressed Chicken and Restaurant) for the fact that there may be future conflicts. So they parted, the Dressed Chicken business was managed by my tito and the restaurant business was managed by my mom. Come 2015, my mom managed to create two additional restaurants but my tito lost everything. Since the dressed chicken was named Tessie's Dressed Chicken, they changed it. Later on lost customers, closed branches and now I heard that the business is barely selling unlike before that it was very well known.

            It was hard at times to explain to people this type of conflicts where work is related with family. There is this thin line between saving relationships or saving yourself to financial freedom. This is very well known within family businesses. Good thing my sister helped my mother in the restaurant business as I helped my husband in his grocery business.

            When I joined my husband in managing his grocery business, it was quite hard at first since there are a lot of challenges – too many to mention. One constant thing that made these challenges lighter was thinking of work as a game. As if every day I will come to our office to play, play in a sense where every day is a new level or stage. I have to beat what I did yesterday. I have to grow from what was achieved yesterday. Until now I cannot believe that we have achieved this much.

            I confirmed with my husband, we did not have 27 employees when we started, it was 13 employees – the more I realized that we have come a long way. Thirteen employees with negative capital was still surreal to what our grocery have had become. Our support from family, employees and customers were really backed up by the Lord through our prayers. We had to share it as we open it to his family to be a Corporation. It was easier to manage something if you have a strong support system like families.

            When I thought that I could manage another challenge and the fact that it was also essential in our grocery expansions, I opened a manpower agency to address these needs. I also handpicked my business partners because I wanted to make it a Corporation. Thank you for my husband for being a great provider, I managed to save all my salaries and achieved to be the major stockholder of our 8-digit Manpower business.

            My work experiences shaped me to be a leader. It also shaped me to be thriftier where saving became a habit. I always live below my means and keep in mind that I don't own my money. It should not only be used personally but be an instrument of blessing to others. It also pays to be humble even with success.

VALUES, STRENGTH AND WEAKNESS

            Experiencing a menial job when I was kid and working in a non-managerial position during adulthood had helped me in a big way now that I am managing my own company. I can sight experiences that can relate with my employees. Even though they are my employees, I always treat them as my equal. I don't shout at them when angry. I try to explain things in such a way that they can relate. It is very hard but previous experiences truly help because they can see and feel it is authentic.

            Relating my past and present experiences with my values, strength and weakness, I came to realize that it is constructive – it is subjective. Others may not have come into the same realization that I had. I am blessed to have strength in positive thinking where I see problems as blessing in disguise. Although my weaknesses are many, I constantly try to compensate it with my strengths. I believe that for you to give balance to your strengths and weaknesses, you have to change your state of mind. Change your feelings toward negative things into positive ones.

            Besides changing your state of mind, you have to change your belief system. To find value in my belief system, I see to it that is based on what the Lord wants us to follow. Good thing our Bible is available to be our guideline for our values because if we will only rely with subjective views, we will have different perception of what is good and what is bad.

FUTURE

            My future is unknown and I love it. For sure there will be more ups and downs but I am not afraid for I am ready. I am ready to face them all because I know that I have someone to hold on to – my God, my Savior.

            I have a great support system. I may not have a father but I found a perfect husband who will be a perfect father for our children. He has put me into a position where I should stop having an option of separation. He made me realize that I have to face my fears and one of which is failed marriage. My mom is my inspiration to excel so I can give gratitude to all her hard work and sacrifices for us. My siblings are my constant fan or critics that I know will be there no matter what, to lift me and challenge me. My family in Couples for Christ for Family and Life is my spiritual warriors that remind me to have a break from the material world.

            I need to find balance while moving forward to my future. I need to realize this now because it will be a great foundation to success. I need to find balance between family and work, material world and spiritual world, mental and emotional, and so on and so forth. With a strong foundation of values and acknowledgement of strengths and weaknesses, nothing can stop you – everything is possible!

            The Future is now. I want to start now because I do not know when will my future stops.

-RHEA MUTUC- 4  <dapat sa Entrep elective ang paper na ito>