Regis Cebu Leadership - Leader Maricel Ngo -Reflection Paper 1 - Defining Moments (Revised)

Regis Cebu Leadership - Leader Maricel Ngo -Reflection Paper 1 - Defining Moments(Revised)

 Defining moments

1)             My Childhood

I am the eldest among 3 siblings. My father is 10 years older than my mother whom he met in a bar where she worked as waitress. They got married after 6 months of courtship. My mother gave birth to me at the age of 18.

My father was a womanizer. He had several partners even before he married my mother. I can vividly remember the many fights my parents had. It is like a normal scene that strangers would come to our house, looking for my father whom they claimed their father as well.

My father was a good provider. He was businessman selling crabs and shrimps at Farmer's market in Cubao. He sent me to good schools so as my siblings. But my dad was violent when drunk. If he came home intoxicated, that would trigger the fight between my parents. I would hide inside a cabinet, covering my ears so as not to hear the breaking of glasses, the screams of my mom and loud sound of the appliances being thrown to the wall and floor. More often than not, I ended up urinating inside the cabinet due to nervousness. I was 6 years old then.

            I grew up with inferiority complex. My dad when drunk would embarrass me in front of his friends enumerating my physical flaws. As a daughter, I had that feeling of not being good enough for him. He never attended any of my recognition days where I received awards and medals. I thought, if I excel in school, he could appreciate me more.

            My mother was just a passive and martyr wife. She has a very low self-esteem and so dependent of my father. She was telling us "how can a mother who has not even finished high school provide good future for her children?".

2)             As head of the family

When I finished my college education, I was given a teaching position in UE. That is also the time when my father decided to stop working. He said that I should provide for the family.

I worked hard from 7am to 9pm. I was teaching full-time in UE and part-time in 2 other universities. I was also working during weekends. I paid all the bills and support our family's basic needs. I supported the schooling of my 2 younger brothers but they were not able to finish their high school due to vices. My younger sister, whom I consider my only hope, got pregnant at the age of 18.

I can't see any future for myself and my family that time. I feel that my only way out is to get married. I got pregnant out of wedlock at the age of 23. My ex-bf, who is now my husband, offered me to move to Leyte and start our family there. Without hesitation, I said yes.

When I left for Leyte, my father immediately went back to work and opened his business again.

3) As a family person

Indeed, God has better plans for me in Leyte. My husband and I were able to open our business and I got hired in STI as school administrator.

In 2001, I had experienced the most difficult time in my life, the lowest point in my life, when my husband had an affair with other woman. I trusted him so much and didn't even have a slight doubt of his faithfulness. It was such a painful challenge in our marriage, not only that I almost lost my husband but a best friend.

Betrayal is really wrong in the eyes of God and also of our children. It bothered me a lot why this infidelity happened. I feel that such challenge in our marriage is comparable to a disease that is curable. I started to evaluate myself as a family person. This incident has taught me to prioritize my family over my career. I had a lot of shortcomings as a mother and wife. I am not justifying the infidelity of my husband but I recognize the fact that I also cause his sinfulness.

That is so far his only case of infidelity which makes me think that maybe, I play a major part in keeping our marriage work- a more engaged, more involved, more responsive- wife and mother.

In 2004, my mom, who was then 47 years old, was diagnosed with total kidney failure. She had to undergo 3 times a week dialysis plus blood transfusion and a lot of medication. Being her only child who had a stable job and a business that time, I took charge of all her medical expenses but it was financially draining. I had to borrow money to support her dialysis. It was so unfortunate that the money I was sending to my mother was not being spent for what it is intended for. My youngest brother was a drug addict. He spent some of the money I sent to buy illegal drugs. In 2006, my mom passed away.

My dad suffered from cardiac arrest in 2009 and died at the age of 62.

Reflections:

What are my new learnings?

1) According to Bill Geoge, "The journey to authentic leadership begins with understanding the story of your life. Your life story provides the context for your experiences, and through it, you can find the inspiration to make an impact in the world"

2) Harvard Business School professor Abraham Zeleznik – " Leaders are twice born individuals who endure major events that lead to a sense of separateness or perhaps estrangement from their environments. As a result, they turn inward in order to reemerge with a created rather than an inherited sense of identify"  <take note of this>

2) What is the relation to what I already know?

I always playback the sad stories of my life with a question 1) "What could have been done to make things right?" 2) "Who are the people responsible in making those things right?" 3) "If those things were rightly done, will it save people from being a victim?".

I ask this question for I see myself as a victim. What I know is, you can save your love ones from the sadness and pain you experienced in your life, or at least minimize/reduce the pain or sadness, if you only exert conscious effort in identifying the things that should be done rightly.

Such thinking of mine is somehow related to authentic leadership and the concept of Abraham Zeleznik that leaders are twice born. My experiences can inspire me to make an impact to my love ones and fellowmen. My life story, like the estrangement I experienced with my father, has transformed me to know my created sense of identity.

3) What have I done, am doing, will be doing for this topic?

My childhood and as family person

What have I done and am doing- Being a parent myself, I am trying my best to be a role model to my children. As parents, we provide our children a nurturing environment. We are active members of Couples for Christ(CFC) and our children our also members of Kids and Youth for Christ. Reflecting on the questions I posed, I believe that putting God as the center of our family is what was lacking in my parents. We were not provided with spiritual nourishment.

What I will be doing- My husband and I will evangelize more couples to join CFC. I will be active in counseling couples and youth who are experiencing family problems.

"I dream about a 60-year old couple who are still deeply in love with another despite all the hurdles in their relationship. They are so fulfilled and happy with how their children have become: responsible citizens of their community. Shall I say,  "they are movers and shakers" of the community where they live in. They have brought honor to their city through their skills and talents, have helped the local economy through his/her businesses and professionals or public servants who are committed to serve their fellowmen.  They are molded to become not just an ordinary member of their society but extraordinary ones who aim to help improve other peoples' lives. This is my vision for my family and that 60-year old couple is my husband and myself. The movers and shakers I am referring to are my children. Such a tough and challenging job we have here but nothing is impossible to those who are determined to fulfill their dreams with God as their partners. To realize this vision for our children, we immerse them to our businesses during weekends and summer-from repacking of toasted breads, cashiering and maintaining the book of accounts. Of course, we pay them reasonable salary. We discuss current issues over mealtime and make the discussion engaging. I invite them to observe my meetings in school and even in the organizations where I am a member of then afterwards we discuss their learning. Borrowed from STI tag line, it is called " Education for real life". I always seek for opportunities where they can learn."

My experience as Head of the Family

What have I done and am doing- I am teaching our employees and students about entrepreneurship. I am also active in supporting LGU and socio-civic organizations' project on inclusive growth focusing on MSME.

What I will be doing- I plan to put a consultancy business for capacity building in a form of trainings catering to would-be entrepreneurs and starting entrepreneurs.

What have I done and am doing  in my journey to authentic leadership

Last January 31, 2015, orientation seminar was held in CEBU campus facilitated by Mr. Dennis Ryan V. Cruz, Coordinator for Student  Activities and Formation. It hit me when the school's vision was presented with excerpt "….business practitioner seeking to become a professional and ethical business leader committed to nation-building".

I started to reflect on said vision and began to do my part in helping my dear Ormoc City located in Region VIII, one of the poorest regions in the country.

I joined several socio-civic organizations and even initiated organizing association for Ormoc private schools. Through these organizations, we will be able to achieve more by working together in collaboration with the local government unit. I am transformed to become a more involved Ormocanon.

As a school head, I encourage our students to actively participate in the community and government programs.  I personally support projects of socio-civic organizations and LGU related to tourism as this is, according to DOT, the fastest way to inclusive growth, which the government is campaigning for. I actively take part in the planning and implementation. My reflection: I can be a positive influencer to our students in order to enliven patriotic spirit among them for the city of Ormoc.

As a school head, I must find a way to provide relevant trainings to our ICT students. With the proximity of ORMOC to CEBU, which is the IT hub in the VISAYAS, I started establishing linkages with top ICT industries. I attended ICT BPM Conference Expo 2015 last June 3 and 4, 2015 organized by Cebu Chamber of Commerce and NCITE held in Marriot Hotel, Cebu. The objective of my participation is to network. Mr. Benedict Hernandez, President Contact Center Association of the Phil., discussed the topic :Fast Tracking Leadership Development. There was a panel discussion with the industry leaders who have insights on how the ICT industry leaders develop highly potential employees who can take on supervisory jobs. In Lexmark, they identify high potential employees to be promoted and come up with leadership plan which are : 70% stretch assignments, 20% from mentors/coaches and 10% formal education. There will be a big demand for IT supervisors due to growing demands for ICT professionals. This fact ignites me to improve our academic delivery by instituting leadership program for high potential students. In this way, we produce not only graduates who are technically competent but also with the much-needed leadership skills fit to the growing industry of ICT. Moreso, said partnership aims to provide relevant trainings to STI ICT students to make them more employable through its OJT program. Students who will successfully pass the OJT can eventually be absorbed by these partner-companies because of good performance.  Employment may result to improving lives of Ormocanons. My reflection: I can be a networker who markets our qualified graduates with an aspiration that these people whom the school helped will eventually give back to their alma mater and to Ormoc City. I see them as the future consultants or IT top leaders helping Region VIII to be the next IT hub in the Visayas.

It is important for a person to have a vision for his/her family and also for the  community/nation. We can create a positive impact to our family, our work and community if we take the vision we set for ourselves from our heart. 

Maricel Reyes-Ngo,MCS
Mobile No.: 0928-5549795