MM Leadership - Genogram Sharing by Leader Erika Manrique

GENOGRAM:

Erika M. Manrique

MM-LEADERSHIP

My Mother's side: MENDOZA

My mother, Emperatriz, was born to Strauss Mendoza of Alcala, Cagayan, and Paz Villarica of Bustos Bulacan.

Strauss Mendoza (deceased at 56): I never really got to know my grandfather because he died before I was born. His parents were Lola Magdalena and Lolo Severino, both farmers originally from Ilocos Sur. They moved to Alcala, Cagayan Valley and that is where he grew up. He was a board exam top notcher when he took the bar to become a lawyer. He eventually became a judge and was also assigned in Alacala. Like most of the men in the north, he loved cock fighting and often took his children, especially the boys, to watch the fights. I never met lolo Strauss because he died of a heart attack when my mother was still in college, but my mother often said that he loved kids thats why they also have several adopted children even though they already had 9 biological kids..

Paz Villarica (deceased at 93) : My grandmother married my grandfather when she was almost 30years old. She grew up in Bustos, Bulacan, to Ernesto Villarica and Vicenta Mercado. Her father had a gambling problem, so life wasnt always easy for them. Her mother was killed in a vehicular accident when she was 7years old. Eventually, her father remarried and his new wife was Vicenta's best friend. Their love story is actually quite interesting because Doray (his 2nd wife and his wife's best friend), was actually his original girlfriend, but for some reason, he married Vicenta instead. Even after they got married, Vicenta and Doray remained best friends and Doray would even help tend to their children when Vicenta was away on trips to Manila. Doray was their second mother, and eventually became their stepmother. Paz had 2 brothers, Luis and Francisco, and a half-sister, Nenita (Doray's daughter with their father). My grandmother often told stories of how her little brother Francisco served during the 2^nd world war and was eventually killed.

My grandmother was a kind woman. She was the kind of grandmother who would make your lunch for school, the kind who would scold the other children who bullied her grandchildren. The kind who would comfort you when you were scolded by your parents. She lived with her eldest daughter in Bukidnon after my grandfather died, and then with another daughter and her family here in Laguna. After that Aunt died, she lived with us until she died in 2011. She taught us a lot about self worth and how we should take care of ourselves and not let other people walk over us. She was a strong woman, maybe stronger than she though she was because she was mostly submissive to the men in her life. This includes her husband and my uncles. She finished cosmetology before she got married, and then became a housewife. She took care of her 9 children, her husband, and also several "ampons".

Their Children:

1. Celeste - My aunt Celeste, was the brightest among the siblings. She graduated college at the age of 19 and took and passed the exam on the same year. She could not do the oath taking and her license because she was too young. My grandfather was very fond of her and enrolled her to the best schools they could afford. She went to Assumption College and was the only child to stay in Manila for the longest time. She never used her CPA license and went to work for NGOs instead. She relocated to Malaybalay, Bukidnon and her last job was managing The Rural Bank of Valencia for the Jesuits in Bukidnon. She died in an airplane crash when she was 41 years old. I remember only a few details about tita Les. I remember she was strict and would not let us watch Bioman because she said it was too violent. She was very generous and bought us (her nieces and nephews) nice gifts during special occasions. She never married and had kids.
2. Bong- Tito Bong was a polio survivor so he walks with a slight limp. He married while he was still in college. Officially, he has a college diploma, but my mother said they were never really sure if he graduated and that he could have only gotten his diploma from Recto. He married his childhood sweetheart in Alcala, Menchu, and they have 3 sons: Bingbong, Christian, and Chino. He was a banker and worked at Alcala his entire life, until he retired. He now runs a small business in Alcala and manages some of the family's land, and lives in the Mendoza family house together with his brother, Nonong.
3. Emperatriz/Bubut- My mother was the "worker" of the siblings. She was my grandmother's assistant for most of the household chores in the house. Her hands are knobby and a little rough because she worked a lot when she was young. She often told us that it was mostly her, and her 2 younger sisters who will be left at home with their mother to cook, clean, and wash the clothes of the family. Her younger sisters were of course, younger, so sometimes they would take off and leave my mother with the chores. My grandmother often told her when she was younger that she should be a teacher so she can teach at the public school across their house and stay with her. My mother was an ambitious and headstrong probinsyana. She never told my grandparents, but she often told herself that she will never marry anyone from Alcala and that she will not live out the rest of her life there. She was a tomboy and played sports like Basketball, Softball, and Volleyball. She went to the Philippine Women's University for college, and graduated with a BS Commerce degree. She often told us about how her life was like when she was in college. She lived with an Aunt in Manila, and had a very limited budget from her father. She said the only time she could get new shoes was when her shoes already had holes on them. Of course, she understood why because she comes from a big family with limited income. She worked in OEDB where she met my father, Clemente. She got transferred to POEA and then to the Overseas Worker's Welfare Administration, and eventually retired early at the age of 50 to help my father with his business. She has 3 children, Myself, Enrico, and Gaston. My mother, together with my father, loved to travel. Even when we were younger, they would always take us on field trips together with some of their siblings and their family. We enjoyed our childhood and also developed a love for travel because of this. My mother is also very good in handling finances. She would tell us that sometimes, her take home pay from her salary would only be about Php500 because of various loans she had taken, but she would be able to find a way to stretch this up to the next payday. Even my father says that our business would not have thrived if she had not joined him. We are proud to say that our business grew without taking any loans from banks of other financial institutions, and this is because of my mother. My mother is also naturally very intuitive towards other people. She is generally skeptical towards people, and most of the time when she feels negative towards a person, she is correct. She is the opposite of my father when it comes to this because my father trusts everyone.
4. Jesus - Tito Jess was the only brother to have a legitimate college degree, according to my mother. He worked for San Miguel corporation for some time, until he setup his own businesses. Tito Jess is well-read and has a lot of ideas, but sometimes lacks focus. He had a tumultuous relationship with his wife, Estrel, but their marriage perseveres because also of her patience. He now runs an eel-breeding business with some Japanese partners, while tita Estrell keeps their main business afloat (importing meat) because this is where they get steady income. They have 4 children, Ian (a software engineer), Mark (a doctor), Camille (a nurse), and Jessie (a medical student). I can say that Tito Jess's family is one of the closest to ours. Maybe because also they live close to us. My brothers and I are also very close to his children because we grew up together.
5. Cholo - Tito Cholo is the tallest and darkest skinned of all the siblings. He lives in my grandmother's house in project 4, QC with his wife, Baby, and their 3 sons. Tito Cholo's life was not easy. He was not able to finish his college degree and married young. His wife also was not able to finish her degree so they had a hard time finding steady jobs. He mostly relied on my grandparent's and his sibling's kindness and also his connections. He worked for several years for one of his childhood friends whose main business is breeding roosters for cock fighting. This is also his passion. He now runs his own rooster-breeding business in Alcala. His oldest son, Randy, also married early and did not finish his college degree. His second son, Sev, was the only one who finished college, mainly because he also persevered as a working student. His youngest son, Jonathan, has not yet finished his college degree and now has 2 daughters.
6. Victoria - Tita Ebic was tall, morena, and quite pretty. She was also headstrong, mataray, and quite smart. She often got into fights with boys back in high school. For college, she went to UP Diliman, and eventually joined the leftist movement as this was during martial law. She would be gone for months. She was "assigned" in bicol for some time, and this was where she met her first husband, Boy. He was from Sorsogon, and had a bit of chinese blood from his parents. They had a baby girl, A.K., but he died when she was barely 2 years old during conflicts with the military. Tita Ebic was young when she was widowed, but she remarried eventually, also from the leftist ranks. Willie, her second husband was from batangas, and they had a baby girl, Lorena. After Lorena was born, the husband and wife decided they want to lead a quiet life and so went down from the boondoks. The had several buy and sell businesses to support them. Tita Ebic was strict and made sure her daughters were also well educated. She read them books and made sure she helped with their schoolwork. Tita Ebic died of lung cancer when she was only 36years old.
7. Nonong - According to my mother, Tito Nonong was also one of the smartest of all the siblings. When he was barely 10 years old, he took some money from my grandfather's wallet and went to Manila and watched a movie. The next day (because the trip almost takes 1 whole day), he went back home. My grandfather did not scold him or anything after he came back. My mother said maybe its because he was also dumbfounded and a bit proud that his son was able to do that on his own. Even though tito Nonong was bright, he did not finish college as well. He went to UST for almost 10 years and did not finish a degree. He was perhaps content and happy that he was getting allowance from his older siblings, and is able to do as he pleases. He never married, but has a son who lives with him in Cagayan. He also runs some of the family's property, but he has had several strokes already and so lives with some caretakers to help him.
8. Edita - Tita Babydoll (her nickname) was the prettiest. She almost had a modeling career after she appeared in an electric fan commercial with Chuckie Dreyfus. Her brothers disapproved of her modeling because they said that being a "model" back in the days had a negative connotation. She was tall and mestiza like Lola Pacing. She graduated from Ateneo de Davao with a business degree and worked for Banco Filipino until it was sold off. She married her boyfriend, Victor, whom my other aunt, Celeste despised. They have 4 childred, Dalton, Derek, Darwin, and Diana. Tita Babydoll's life is one of the hardest among the siblings. After she was laid off at her job, she invested her separation pay to a networking company which turned out to be a scam. Her relationship with her husband is also not very good and until now they remain estranged. 2 of her children are also unable to finish school, and also already have children. Darwin is currently at the PMA and Diana is still studying at PLM. Tita Babydoll is now a stay-at-home wife and mother, mostly taking care of her grandchildren.
9. Gregorio - Tito Guy is the youngest of the siblings, and perhaps the one with the most troublesome life. He was only a little boy when my grandfather died, and so he was reared up by my grandmother and his elder brothers and sisters. Tita Celeste paid for most of his education, also relocating him and my grandmother to Bukidnon. He studied in Ateneo de Davao as well, but also did not finish his college degree. He was a bit spoiled by Tita Les and also my mother, maybe because he was the bunso. They gave him most of what he asked for. When he was younger, he got shot in the arm by some people who he thought was selling him cheap gold bars. He married early as well, and has 4 children, Tricia, Mikey, Ceska, and Manuel. They all live in Cagayan de Oro.

My Father's side: MANRIQUE

My father, Clemente, was born to Clemente Sr. of Marinduque and Milagros Samonte of Basey, Samar.

Clemente Manrique Sr. (deceased at 59): My grandfather was a seaman and a loving father and husband. His family was from Marinduque. His mother was a Eulalia, a housewife while his father was Circiaco, a Trader/Businessman. According to my father, he was a kind man who cared and provided for his family. He also loved to dance and they said that is also how he courted my grandmother. He would be away most of the time because he was out at sea, but when he came home, he did most of the housework and spoiled his wife. He loved kids. When he had his first grandchild, he also spoiled her. They would go to Mcdonald's everyday and he paid for her school tuition. I was 1 years old when Lolo Daddy died, and my father would often say that if he was alive, he would ask that I studied in Quezon City so I could stay with them. He was a very dutiful husband. He had 3 sisters and 4 brothers. He was estranged with one of his brother who was left behind in Marinduque because of some "land grabbing" issues. They never reconciled even before he died.

Milagros Samonte (deceased at 63) : My lola mommy was a teacher, and came from a lower middle class family in Basey, Samar. Her mother was Teresa, a teacher, and her father , Alfonso, was a school principal. They worked hard to and eventually worked for the Commission on Audit. She grew up in Basey, Samar with her family, and she had 2 brothers and 4 sisters, 2 of which went to convents to become nuns. She was one of the well-off siblings because she had a stable job and so did her husband. She helped some of her nieces and nephews to go to school in Manila. They often stayed with them at their house in Quezon City. She also didn't like it if I was scolded by my parents, especially if I was not eating properly. So she taught me to drink water when I cannot swallow my food, and this made my mother a bit angry because I would get too full even before I finished my food. Lola Mommy died at the age of 63 due to complications of her Liver Cancer and diabetes.

Their Children:

1. Clemente Jr. - My father was the eldest of the siblings. He was an adventurous and lively kid who had a lot of "barkada". He also often says that he was the black sheep of the family and often gave my grandparents headaches. He was also athletic and liked going outdoors and also got in trouble a lot at school. He initially went to UST for college, but got kicked out for being active in student protests, hence missing most of this classes. He then enrolled in Arellano University and then took up law. He worked various jobs at this time because his parents were no longer fully funding his education. Perhaps they got disappointed by his stint in UST and wanted to teach him a lesson. He worked in construction, as a messenger, and other odd jobs to finance himself. During his later years in law school, he was also working full time at the POEA, where he met my mother. He then took the bar exam, but unfortunately did not pass. He got disillusioned also when he heard of the stories that there are leakages and cheating in the bar, and so he no longer pursued his dream to become a lawyer. An opportunity to work as an HR officer at Saudi Arabia came up, and he took the job so he could also save money to marry my mother. He worked in Saudi for about 4 more years, then he decided he will come home because he did not want his children to grow up without him. He worked for a long time in a porcelain making factory as an HR manager. His boss then transferred him to Marketing because the marketing manager and partner left the company. Although he did not know anything about marketing, he took the job and also became successful with it. The company went on a downward spiral due to mismanagement by the owner, and came to a point when they were not even receiving their salaries. My dad quit together with some other employees. After that company closed down, they setup their own business, developing moulds and designs for other ceramic factories. After several years and while the business was going down because of the entry of China, he had a falling out with his business partners and had wanted to sell them his shares. An unexpected turn came, when the employees rallied behind him and declared that they will all quit if he leaves the business. Instead of being bought out, he and mother ended up buying out the other partners instead. The company thrived after this and survived the early 2000s when almost all the ceramic factories in the country were closing shop. My father always prioritized his family by making sure he provided for all the things we need. When I was in highschool and college, and at the time that the business had some trouble and eventually was growing, we rarely got to spend time with my father. He was always away on business trips or frequently doing overtimes. Even if this was the case, none of us really rebelled because we understood why he needed to do it. My father is also a very trusting individual, sometimes to a fault. He loves and takes care of his employees and friends just like he would for his family. We can no longer count the number of people who have taken advantage of his kindness, but nevertheless he continuous to be like this. Perhaps this is also why most people love him as well. He is very good at being a true leader because he is able to inspire and motivate them. This is one of the traits that I admire most about him. On the other hand, if my mother is very good in handling money, my father is the exact opposite (and I think this is one of the traits that I take from him). Their marriage and business partnership, is truly meant to be.

        My father is also a survivor. About 20 years ago, the doctors saw a benign tumor in his brain which needed to be removed. He was left half-blind by the operation, along with other side effects which affected his    metabolism and hormonal balance. The tumor came back after about 4 years, but he was treated of this with radiation therapy. In 2013 he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, but with the help of modern    medication, he continues to be with us. The cancer has taken its toll on my father and our family both physically and emotionally. However, it has also helped us bond more with each other and to value our short  time on this earth.

2. Amelita - Tita Amy is a nurse currently living and working in New York City. She got pregnant after college and eventually married her then boyfriend. She had to leave her daughter with her parents when she first came to the States, but eventually was able to get her and her husband. She has 3 kids, Ate Nikki, TJ, and Kimberly. Tita Amy is a loving mother and wife, but is also hard headed and has a strong personality. She is very thoughtful and even if she is far away, she never misses to give us gifts or greetings during special occasions. She is the main breadwinner of their family because her husband does not have a full time work. Although her children are all providing for themselves, Tita Amy is having a hard time financially because also of their lifestyle. Like my father, she is "magastos" and is not able to manage her finances well. Unfortunately for her however, her husband is exactly the same. They would not give up their lifestyle to transfer to a state with lower cost of living, perhaps because of pride.
3. Ciriaco- Tito Cerry is a doctor, but migrated to the USA and is now a nurse. He married tita Pache, also a doctor and now a nurse in the US. He and tita Pache were college sweethearts and married each other right after they passed the board exams. Tito Cerry is a strict but fun uncle. He always made us eat our vegetables but ironically he loves junk food and soda. He also loved to travel that is why his family and ours always went on field trips when we were younger. He is very thrifty and exactly the opposite of my father and tita Amy. Whenever we traveled here, I remember he was the one who was always in charge of finding places to stay. We would stay with family of friends to save money, and sometimes in spare rooms of hospitals thanks to his contacts in the DOH. He is the more "serious" sibling because he rarely showed emotion, especially during sad times. Tito Cerry was gravely affected when my grandfather died of a heart attack. My father said he blamed himself and did no see the sense of becoming a doctor when he could not save his father from dying. He worked as a doctor in the Department of Health, mostly handling projects and did not fully practice being a clinical doctor. Even though he rarely showed emotion, he is a very loving husband and father. He would often plan surprises for his wife and kids. Tito Cerry had to undergo angioplasty and eventually, bypass surgery for his heart. My dad said this is maybe because he was not very athletic as a kid and rarely exercised. He now lives in LA with his family.

4. Amalia - Tita Am is the creative sibling. She was a ballerina, a writer, and loved the arts. She graduated in UP with a degree in Marine Biology and this was also where she met her husband, Johnny. Tita Am became a Christian Baptist when she met tito Johnny, and this devastated my grandmother. She was sweet and thoughtful and loved to make handmade gifts for her loved ones. She is also the best cook and baker among all her siblings. She worked as a university professor in Los Banos, until she migrated to Canada with her family. She has 2 kids, Jamille and John Mark. Their family are devout Christians and are very active in their church. Tita Am also loved to travel, which is also why she took up Marine Biology. She has gone to the North Pole while working as a researcher in Canada and she enjoyed her work a lot. About 8 years ago she was diagnosed with Breast Cancer but then went into remission and was cancer free for about 6 years. The Cancer came back almost the same year as my father's lung cancer, and it is now in her spine and brain. The doctors are not optimistic because the cancer is no longer responding to any kind of treatment and so she is now only receiving palliative care. She actually feels and looks better now compared to when she was undergoing chemo, and she continues to fight cancer and keeps herself busy by writing and helping out in her church.
5. Anabel - Tita Bell is our cool aunt. She is outgoing and has a very youthful energy about her. When I grow older, I can only hope to look like her because she looks 20 years younger than her real age! She is the kind of person who gets along well with everyone and has a lot of friends. She had a baby when she was 29, and she adored him. She went to work in Kuwait for several years and that is also where she met her husband who was Polish. They lived a good life in Kuwait because of their high salaries as expats. After some time they decided to migrate to Canada, but no longer pursued it because they could not get jobs there and her husband was beginning to have a successful career in Singapore. They eventually moved back to the Philippines, but she separated from her husband also because they were not spending enough time with each other because of his job. My father often said that tita Bell is street-smart, but she sometimes lets other people take advantage of her. I think this is a shared trait between some of the siblings because they are all naturally good and trusting towards other people. She now lives in Makati with her Son, Alfonso, and works as an HR manager.

My SIBLINGS:

There are 3 children in the Family, myself being the eldest, followed by Enrico, and then Gaston.

I am 32 years old with a degree in Economics from the University of Sto.Tomas. 

Enrico, 30 years old is the middle child. He graduated from De La Salle University – Dasmarinas with a degree in Electrical and Communications Engineering. He is now married and has one child. I would not really say that he was the black sheep in our family, but he was the one who got in trouble most of the time because of his recklessness. He is outgoing and is the most athletic as well. I have noticed that when he likes something, he doesn't really have to exert a lot of effort and most of the time he is good at what he wants to do without even really trying. At present also, he has matured a lot and has realigned his priorities since after the birth of his daughter. He currently works as the Operations Manager of our family business.

Gaston, 23 years old is the youngest. He is a Computer Programmer and graduated from De La Salle University in Manila. You would not have guessed it because of his body type (he is quite "round"), but he was also a varsity swimmer since elementary. His girlfriend recently just gave birth to their daughter, so now he is also a father. Gaston is a typical youngest child, being our baby for most of his life. He currently works as a programmer at Accenture.

ANALYSIS:

1. As an Individual:

a. What is my birth position in my family? I am the eldest in the family, and when I was younger, I can say that I was the typical eldest child. I never strayed from what my parents taught me, I had no vices. Did not smoke and did not drink (until college) and had pretty decent grades. I was seen as the responsible one and often took care of my younger brothers when my parents were away.

b. What values do I hold important in my life? How do these affect major decisions and life directions? I have always given importance to self improvement. I think this is one trait that I also got from my parents. Since I was younger, they often pushed me to try new things and to continue my education. It didn't have to be a degree or an MBA, they would push me to try and learn different languages, or try new skills like cooking or beer-making. At present, this has been a moving factor in my decisions because I have never been complacent, in fact, sometimes even too hard on myself because I know I have so much more to learn. I enjoyed my time at Dell because it challenged me that I knew so little about the industry and learning new things has always been fascinating. I am also enjoying my job in marketing because it exposes me to so many different cultures and I am able to learn from my peers and also our customers. The same goes for my sports/hobbies. I had done Crossfit last year and it was also a very good experience because I learned so much about my body and what I am capable of doing. My family is also an important factor in my life wherein most of my decisions are based. As of the moment, I know my parents need me which is why I went back. I also do not want to be away from them for a long time, given my father's circumstances. Although I have been contemplating on moving somewhere more provincial or laid back, I have decided to put it off for now.

c. What are my struggles? What are my areas of improvement? I have always struggled with procrastination. I know this is typical of a type 9 personality (Enneagram), and I really have to work more towards a good virtue, which is action. I have thought of so many things, but the biggest struggle is how to start and make them into reality. I have been trying slowly, and hopefully I can overcome this. Another area would be my social skills. I have noticed that I am becoming more introverted as I grow older. I was much more outgoing when I was younger and I am not sure what is bringing about this change in my personality. I want to hone my people skills because I know this is a very big factor to succeed in life. I also need to be able to manage my emotions better. I have noticed that sometimes I tend to let them take over my better judgment and I have hurt people because of this.

d.  What are my strengths? One of my strengths is adapting easily to situations. I always keep an open mind toward things and this has helped me to cope with changes. I have always been curious and readily accept that I do not know a lot of things. This characteristic of mine has enabled me to absorb knowledge and wisdom from other people because my cup is never really full. Another strength I would say is my ability to really listen to people. I have learned that it is more important to listen rather than speak about myself. Listening gives access to more details and I am able to dissect these better because I understand each part's purpose. Some people think I over-analyze things sometimes but I think this is also a strength of mine.

2. Current Family

a. In what stage of family development is my family? I am still single and I still don't have any children so I will just describe my immediate famlily. Right now my brothers are still living with us. Enrico is living with us together with his wife and daughter, but they are due to move soon to their new house once it is finished. My youngest brother Gaston still lives with us but he also goes to his girlfriend and their daughter from time to time. Right now we are bonding over the babies, my nieces. I have no plans yet to start a family of my own.

b. To whom am I closest in the family? What is the nature of our relationship? I would have to say that I am closest to both my parents. We do not have the type of relationship wherein they are my best friends (perhaps also because of our age gap) but I confide in them my life plans and sometimes also my emotional struggles. I find it easier to communicate with them through letters, especially regarding strong emotions because it has always been hard for me to communicate (with anyone) these things.

c. To whom am I least close in my family? What is the nature of this relationship? I would say I am least close to my youngest brother Gaston. Perhaps also because of our age gap (we are 9 years apart), sometimes it is hard for us to relate to each other. Most of the time, I find myself also trying to reach out to him and this approach has worked. He opens up to me when I ask him about things, and I also give him advice but he rarely asks me how I am.

d.  What am I proud about my family and being part of this group of people? I am proud that I am part of a family which has helped people, especially my parents. I am proud that they are honest and hardworking, and that they deserve everything they have in their lives right now. I can only wish I can say the same for myself but I understand that I have a long way to go. I am also proud that we have worked for each other and have helped each other through trying times. Although we are not the usual close-knit family, we have been there for each other when it truly mattered.

e. What is often my role in my family? My role in the family is the "ate", the travel agent, travel instigator, "kontrabida" (this usually happens with my brother and my father), stylist, and veterinarian (because of the many dogs we keep and I am the one who usually takes care of them).

f. What stressor affect my family now? How difficult are they to handle?  My father's cancer is the major stressor right now in my family. It has been difficult because of the toll it takes on both my parents. My father is stressed out and worried about our futures (eventhough we always assure him that they have equipped us well for life), and my mother is also stressed in taking care of my father (because he would not go on a diet). It has been very difficult for us especially in the beginning, but we have been accepting the situation and making the most of it. We have turned to our other relatives for support, and they have been a great factor in moving forward.

g. What resources are we using to maintain family equilibrium? The sharing of responsibilities has been important since my dad got sick. We relied on him for a lot of things in the business and also at home but we have learned to pick up on the things that we can handle ourselves. We also try our best to spend more time with each other because it enables us to bond and reflect on what is important for our family.

3. Growing up in my Family

a. What was the kind of family environment in which I grew up? I grew up in a nurturing family environment wherein we had freedom to do what we wanted, but enough rules to keep us in check. I would not say that my parents were strict. They were strict on some things, like no boyfriends/girlfriends when we were younger, or (as much as possible) no failing grades, etc. Even though those rules were set, they were very understanding in times where we did not abide by them and also taught us that mistakes were instruments where we can learn lessons from. None of us really rebelled when we were younger, and we never really gave my parents that much headache. The most problem they had with us when we were kids was when we (my brothers and my cousins) would quarrel with some of the other kids on our streets. We were a "unit" and when one of us was getting bullied or was having problems with someone, we would defend him/her together. We went to mass as a family every Sunday, ate dinner together, and went to family gatherings as much as possible. They allowed us to play or watch TV only during a specific time during the day, and were more lax during weekends. They wanted us to experience and learn new things which is why they often enrolled us to different kinds of sports/classes when we were younger. We were close to several of our aunts and uncles and cousins who lived near us because we grew up with them. Our closeness to these cousins were also because of the shared values and common interests we cultivated with each other.

 b. What activities did we do regularly?  How did we celebrate holidays and special occasions? As I mentioned above, we went to mass as a family every Sunday and were together during important occasions and all holidays. We traveled often even when we were younger. We would go on roadtrips with some of my aunts/uncles and cousins during holy week or other long holidays. During Christmas and New Year both my mother's and father's families would also have reunions. We would spend most christmas eves at home in laguna with my immediate family and my aunt's family who lived nearby, and the next day, we would go to the Manrique family house in Quezon City together with my uncles and aunts and also our grandmother's sisters who were nuns. Sometimes the Samontes on my father's side would also join us. During Christmas evenings we would have a reunion with the Villaricas and Mendozas on my mother's side as well. New Year's eve was also celebrated at our house in laguna and sometimes some of my mom and dad's siblings and families would also join us. During all birthdays and special days (like Mother's and Father's day), our family will celebrate together.

c. What did I consider turning points in my familys development?  How did these affect me? Again, the major turning point in my family's life would be my father's cancer. It affected me both positively and negatively. Negative because I got so depressed and it was all I could think about for some time. Positive because it opened my eyes to what my real priorities should be and pushed me to do better with my life. Other turning points perhaps would be my youngest brother's fathering a child. My parents were not ready for this and they cried when he told them the news. He just graduated from college and we all know that his life is only starting, when he suddenly needed to be a dad. I was also saddened by the news because I felt that he is not ready and that he would be "missing out" on a lot of things that most young men his age should be going through before starting a family. I have also come to terms with this with the help of my other brother, Enrico, after hearing him give our youngest brother advice. Indeed, it is not the end of the road for him and I realized he is simply taking a different path that I'm used to. I have confidence in him now that he will overcome the challenges he will face and I realized that we will be there to guide and help him.

d. How did my family cope with the stressors that we all faced? We coped by helping and supporting each other. Our other relative's presence also made a huge difference, together with prayers.

e. Who was/is the leader in my family?  Who wields power in my family?  How is this used? Like most families, it is my father who leads us. He is the person we look to for advice and blessing, but he also takes all our opinions into account. I would not say that he is the only person who has a say on things because he also consults us, especially my mother. My mother's leadership is more on the silent side because although my father would not directly admit to it, she plays an equally important role in decision making. Both our parents also ask for our opinions about most things and take these into account.

f. What was considered important in my family?  What was I often taught to remember as I was growing up? Education, Hard work, and God are the most important things that my parents have taught us. They have always taught us that our education is the most valuable gift they can give to us, and that we needed to work hard for things that we want. Although we are not an overly religious family, they have also taught us that God is the only entity in which we can truly depend on and that we should not forget him in our lives.

g. What conflicts or tension points existed in our home and how were they resolved (if at all)? My father and my brother Enrico's relationship has been a tension point in our family. My brother is bull headed while my father is proud. They often get into arguments with one another because no one wants to back down. It is resolved as soon as one of them puts their guard down and admits their faults. Most of the time that is my brother because at the end, he will realize that my father is sick and his moods are no longer normal and that he needs us to understand him more. This is the same for myself when I get into arguments with my father. One of us would have to realize they are wrong, and apologize to the other.

h. What were the characteristics and habits in my family that saw us through hard times? I would have to say our patience and mutual trust and respect towards each other. Patience because since my father was operated on for his brain tumor, we all had to be very extra patient with him and his mood swings. Mutual trust and respect because sometimes we forget that the other person also has his strengths that will pull him through his challenges. For example, my brother Enrico, when he had difficulties with his wife's family. We were all quite surprised by the strength and wisdom he displayed when her family would not accept him, because when he was younger, he was always the irresponsible and reckless one. With his perseverance and actions, he was able to persuade them that he is a good person who loves and will take care of their daughter.

4. My Family and I

a. What do I observe in myself that I also see in my parents and other relatives (e.g., career choice, personal characteristics, choice of spouse/relationships, patterns of coping, patterns of relating, pathologies, etc.)? I've seen that like my father and some of his siblings, I have a bit of a problem in managing my finances. I tend to enjoy myself too much when spending for myself, eventhough these are not material things. I am also very skeptical towards other people and sometimes question their motives. It is hard for me to trust a person in the beginning but once I do, I trust them wholeheartedly. Like my mother, I also have the habit of talking in a tone which seems (to other people) like I am angry, especially during emotional conversations. Our way of talking does not express our true meaning which is why sometimes it is better for me to communicate with letters.
b. What patterns, both healthy and unhealthy, do I see in my family? The unhealthy financial management on my father's side is one negative thing that I have seen in this genogram. On my mother's side it is the culture of complacence and inaction among her male siblings. Positive points on both families is that they all take care of one another, eventhough sometimes some siblings already take advantage of it. They will support one another and help in any way they can when the need arises.
c. What myths do I continue to perpetuate? My parents never really gave importance to myths.
d. How has my being part of my family shaped the person that I am today? My family has been with me since the beginning and have molded me into the person I am today. It has been the most important unit in my life, and will continue to be. They have molded me to be persevering and patient towards my goals and myself. They have given me a steady wall to lean on in times where I found myself too weak, but at the same time have given me strength to be myself.
e. What are the strengths of my family to which I significantly contribute? The strength of my family is unity during trying times. I am someone who is dependable and trustworthy who can give them sound advice.

5. As a Leader

a. How has my family background and history shaped me as a leader? My family has taught me the value of responsibility and this has always guided me in my leadership journey. I am accountable for my actions and decisions, but at the same time, I also do not discount the opinion of others.

b.  How much of how I have been shaped by my family reflective of my own leadership style and habits, i.e. dealing with people, opportunities, stress, conflicts. My parents "sheltered" us from problems when we were younger, and so I think this contributes to why I tend to run away from my problems sometimes. I have a hard time processing conflicts and so I look for escapes to get my mind off things. However, I have always come around eventually because I am level-headed enough to understand that you cannot run away from your problems all the time. In terms of dealing with people, I would like to emulate how my father does this, but I think I take more from my mother. We tend to show our emotions more (and sometimes too strongly) and sometimes this gets misunderstood in the process.

6. My Insights

a. What did I realize from this activity? After looking back at my family's history, I see where I got some of my traits and parts of my personality. My values and priorities were also influenced by what I saw within my immediate family, my grandmothers, and aunts and uncles.

b. How do I feel about these insights? These are true because our personalities are also molded by our environment, and our families are the first people we interact with. We are molded by our families, and while sometimes our personalities will change, the core elements are what will be retained and the biggest influence there is our families.

c. How do I want to proceed from these realizations?  I would like to take more on the positive attributes of my family members and to use them as inspiration. All the negative aspects are also helpful because I already know the pitfalls and will have a better understanding of how to avoid them. These are important in my journey towards improved self awareness.

d. What course of action shall I undertake? I would like to be more proactive, perhaps by listing down the things that I want to improve on and to constantly remind myself that it has to be done. I will also concentrate on my strengths rather than mop about my weaknesses, and continue to remind myself that I cannot achieve my goals on my own. It is important to know that I can also surround myself with people (like my family) who can help me get there.

Thank you sir!

     

--   Erika Manrique