Hi Sir,
Resubmitting. Hopefully this one has enough meat in it.
Regards,
Richard Tan
MY GENOGRAM / Reflection 2
This is a nice experience creating my own genogram. My first realization is that the de Jesus last name ended with my mom's generation since both of them are girls and my aunt remained unmarried. Anyway to go on here is the story of my family and myself.
My Grandparents The war survivors
Tan Eng Ho
My grandfather is born in China. The youngest of 3 siblings. He never finished grade school and only finished up to Grade 2. That is the time when he went to the Philippines. During that time it was really really hard in China. It is a communist country and people are not allowed to make a profit for themselves. This is the reason why people from our proving (Ing Chun), a part of Xiamen are moving out of the country. He walked for 1 week without food and jumped on a ship as a stowaway to get to the Philippines. Before the ship reaches the port they have to jump overboard and swim otherwise they will be caught by Philippine immigration, so just imagine the babuyan filled with sharks and at least half of the Chinese stowaways that will jump overboard will be eaten by the sharks and probably one fourth will die due to fatigue of swimming and hunger. Those are his friend and neighbors. When they reach the Philippines they will try to work for people for little or no pay just to eat. He found his way to the city of Manila where he luckily met fellow Chinese people. It was decreed back then that no foreigners can own a retail business that is why Chinese people would have to save up and do partnerships to have a business. My grandfather did a lot of different types of work to earn. He cleaned shoes, sold cigarettes up until he has capital to buy a roll of textile. He then started a trading/wholesaling business of textile which up until I was born was his business.
Life was not easy for him, during his lifetime his business got burned 3 times losing everything and he has to start from scratch afterwards. That is why he always taught us the value of integrity. With this he said suppliers would trust that you will be able to bounce back and will let you borrow supplies for your business. Also he values friendships and relationships. These are well taught lessons he gave me as a grow up.
Kee Hui Eng
My grandmother is also born in china and matched with my grandfather. Old Chinese tradition do not give women authority to choose, parents would have to arrange everything. They got wed in China but my grandfather has to go back to the Philippines to attend to the business. At one point my grandfather brought my grandmother here when the business is already stable to have a family. They had 3 boys and 3 girls which my grandmother took care of as a housewife.
Rosendo De Jesus
My grandfather on my mother side was born here. He was from the province of San Pablo, Laguna. He is the second to the youngest to a brood of 11 boys and 1 girl. Growing up with 11 siblings he is a toughie. Given also that they are from Spanish descent they are all more than 6 feet tall and that is very uncommon in the Philippines during that time. He was one of the varsity players of JRU bombers during his collegiate days. He took up commerce and ended up working in the one of oldest banks in the Philippines. Philtrust Bank. This is where he worked his whole life to feed my mom and his family. He values thriftiness and careful spending of finances. I think this is the effect of living during war time where food and other things are scarce.
My grandfather is a huge disciplinarian. He used to hang my mom and aunt by their legs if they are mischievous. It was always martial law that is why my mom and my aunt are straight A students.
Maria Catalina Zabarte
My grandmother is a first born child of a Spanish general. Her family is primarily from Catalunia, Spain. She was raised with a rod from a very strict father and her mom died early so she was forced to take care of her siblings growing up. She was also a housewife like "a-ma". She took care of my mom and my aunt. She is the one in command of the family budget. This hold especially true when there was a strike in Philtrust where they don't know whether or not my grandfather would get a paycheck. That was their test as a family. No complaints just study lola will take care of the budget and make ends meet. She was also good in making sidelines so as to get extra income this come in handy when money would really be short.
Zabarte Family Crest
My Parents
Henry Kee Tan
My father is the youngest of the 6 siblings. He grew up as a fighter. He was born December 7, 1957 in Pasay City. The place where the fiercest men live at least back then. He has great stories about him getting into fights in school. He studied in Pasay Chung Hua where my grandfather also is a director by being one of the people who contributed to the establishment of the school. He later on moved to St. Stephen's High School in Binondo for his high school. In college he took up Financial Management in De La Salle University. He met my mother in a dance soiree, the moment he met her as he told me "binakuran na niya si mama". After they graduated they got married at the age of 25.
My father started his career as a banker / money market trader. Then became an adviser to the sons for George Ty of Metrobank. After which he started his businesses. He had an export of Philippine made products like placemats and things made with capiz, the he started his own hardware store, for a time he also had photoshops, lending company, record company and a Levi's Franchise.
He worked hard to earn enough money to send his kids to private school and at the same time he never failed to spend time with us. Every day we always eat dinner together and he brings us to school every day of my childhood till grade school.
Ma. Guia de Jesus
My mother is the eldest of 2 children. She grew up in a poor family where my grandfather works at a bank and my grandmother as a housewife. Despite not having much resources my mother was smart, at a young age she was taught to pursue her degree and to be the best. She graduated valedictorian for both grade school and high school. After which she pursued the degree of accountancy in College of the Holy Spirit.
She started her career in State Investment as an accountant where she worked during my childhood years. She rose up the ranks and later on she joined my aunt in the remittance company she has built.
My mom is my teacher at home she helps me with my lessons and taught me English the subject I hate the most. She is as strict as my dad, difference is my dad is the disciplinarian with dish out the punishments.
As an Individual
I am the middle child in the family. I have an older brother and a younger sister. I value loyalty, trust and integrity. My decision making process always considers my role to the people around me. In terms of priorities when there are conflicts of values I will choose what is best for my family first.
Given I am a middle child, I have this longing to be recognized, I guess this is the root of my secondary attribute in the enneagram, the perfectionist. I cannot be second best so I strive every day to be the best of who I can be. It is really hard for me to see people floating around. I see life as a race. This also creates the weakness on me wherein I can be really harsh/sarcastic with people when I don't see them pushing hard enough. I expect excellence from myself and so with the people around me.
Growing up competing, I can say I am bred for competition. I don't tire easily specially when I set my eye on a goal. I try and try, I did fail but that doesn't stop me from trying again. Being the best means having to fail 99% of the time and making it 1% of the time so giving up is not something I would want to do.
Current Family
My parents are now in the launching stage of the family development. My siblings are still home but we now purchased our own properties and my sister is about to be married. My sister is my closest sibling, this is because I am the one who taught her from grade school to college. Including how to deal with boys. I am her confidant, kuya or protector, a friend and a trusted member of the family for her. I am also close to my brother but I am a bit of a nuisance to him given that he is a silent person. Very very serious.
Comparatively I am closer to my dad than my mom, maybe because I don't understand how her mind works. She loves us I know that, and I talk to her it's just that there is this distance between us kids and them. I am closer to my father, I think because he is so interested on what goes on with our lives even if we find it boring and repetitive sometimes.
I am proud of simply being a member of our family, every one of us works hard and achieve what we want to. My parents did not start up being rich, it is rather the opposite but working hard and praying paid off in the long run. I am proud that I have a dad that is always present for us. Even if I hated him before for being like Marcos and having martial law and curfew in the house, that taught us discipline. All the lessons he shared at night developed our values and our characters.
My role in the family is to be the comic. Everyone is too serious and I am the joy at home. I make people laugh or they laugh at me for the corny jokes I deliver. I don't think there are any pressures right now in our family. Financially we are more stable than before given all of us are already working. I am close to completing my father's dream house. I don't think our family is easy to break apart after going through a tough life of being half Chinese and almost being treated as second class since we are not pure Chinese gives us the resiliency to withstand problems, but if I will be forced to choose. I think my older brother maintains the whole family in equilibrium. He is wise and knowledgeable about things and he is good in expressing information in a non-emotional way to present things as a problem and what everyone is thinking about a discussion point.
Growing Up in my Family
I grew up in a very stable family, my father loves my mother from the very first time he saw her up until now. We always eat together during weekends, and when we were not yet working dinner time is always at 630 pm. That is the time we spend together to know what is going on in each of our lives. We do not celebrate a lot of holidays just Christmas, New Year and Lent. Lent is what we look forward to every year because this is the only time of the year our business closes down to be on holiday. This is the time we spent to go out of town. One of the turning point of my family's development is when I was in 3rd year HS. I used to have this resentment against my father. The fact that he hits us when we fail to meet expectations created this hatred for him, but during my 3rd year high school I became a Christian. For some reason the topic of our retreat was about family, to cut the story short the day after my retreat I hugged my parents and fixed the relationship.
The stressor in my family like all family is financial in nature. We sometimes do not have money to pay the bills luckily my mom or my father's siblings helped out. When my brother and I started working, we also helped out. My dad is not big on asking for help but somehow help always come. I guess his siblings know what he is going through too.
My father is the leader in the family, my mom sees to it that he is always seen as a leader she would not decide on things about us on her own. Even if she allows us to go places my father will always have the last word.
The biggest value in our family is education and being prudent in our finances. We were taught to study save and invest at a young age. We were taught the value of money and difference between wants and needs. My parents will never fail to provide our needs but if we want something we need to work for it. That taught us the value of ones work. I work in our store at a young age, carried stuff as a working in our hardware, sold non life insurance, I sold pillows growing up. This is all to get the things I wanted.
My tension point with my family is about my girlfriends. My mom never approved off anyone except for the person I am with now.
My Family and I
Like my family I work hard to make a better life for the next generation. Even if I am not married I am already planning on giving the best education to my children, same way my dad gave that opportunity to us no matter how hard. I always save some of my money like my mom and not use everything in one go. I invest too and have sidelines for extra income. That is how my mom ensured she has money as a housewife and when times are tough my dad can always count on her.
My family loves to eat, that is one of the trait I think might be rare or unique. When I say we like to eat its not about gluttony but it is about eating good food. We try out new restaurants or places almost as soon as it opens and it does not matter whether it is near or far. We also like to cook, our weekend dinners became weekend cookouts and wine sessions with the family.
We don't have myths in the family. Our family believe in science and the existence of God. We are free to pick our own religion so we have different religions in our family. (Buddhist, Catholic, Protestant and Born Again).
Being a son of my parents contributed a lot to who I am. It would start with education and the degree I have pursued, to the value of working hard and saving. They also drive me to push further higher and faster, but most of all the part that shaped me to become who I am right now is the fact that I know they will always be there.
As a Leader
Being raised having my aunts and my uncles somewhat against my mom taught me to be tough. We have no room for weak emotional thoughts in the family. We are trained to control it at a young age. I value knowledge as a leader because like what my father always say "eto lang ang maipapamana ko sayo". Given that I grew up this way I expected people to be the same. That made me tough leader when I was starting out. I saw my parents struggled and succeed same way I want to struggle early push earlier and succeed earlier. That means I need to lead myself and push myself to always be better to become a better leader. As we understood in leadership we are all a work in progress. Leadership is an ongoing development of a person from one stage to another.
Insights
This activity made me realize that I am a product of my upbringing my situations and repetitive decisions. The way I grew up influenced me to become who I am now. I feel the only way we can improve as leaders is if we analyze where we came from to use the strengths we can identify to help us get to where we are going. After doing this I understand that I can always push myself better, I should not be afraid to fail because someone will always be there. Knowing this I think I should also express the same to my parents to thank them and honor them for helping me become who I am now. We are all a product of our decisions and actions and I am glad my parents are my parents because they are very much a contributor to all that I have achieved and will achieve.
<who are the uncles and aunts, your brod and sis, think in terms of family tree, dagdagan ang insights reflection papers are defining moments, internal and external factors>
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